Interpersonal chemistry: what it is, how it affects us, and how to enhance it

Interpersonal chemistry is a connection that arises between two individuals unintentionally, without pretend it, and that allows both to leave empowered and feel qualitatively better in the company of the other.

In this case, the result that we obtain from that union is greater than that obtained by adding both subjects separately. For this reason, the chemistry between two people is a key aspect in falling in love, but also in friendship relationships, among others.

In this article we will talk about interpersonal chemistry, what we understand by this concept, what components influence it, how it arises and how to maintain it.

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What is interpersonal chemistry?

People are social beings, which means that we need to relate to other subjects. This need for relationship is clearly seen when we are small, since we require a figure of attachment, of support, to achieve a correct development and we can also perceive it in the age adult. It has been observed that, when the connection is good, the objectives or goals achieved between two or more subjects can be achieved more easily.

Interpersonal chemistry arises without intending it, when we connect with another person we notice a connection, a harmony, which generates positive consequences both on a personal and relational level. As the Gestalt Theory proposes, the total is more than the sum of things, which means that what each individual can achieve separately is less than what they can achieve by acting together.

Thus, We can observe this chemistry in relationships, being perhaps the best known or raised, but also in other types of relationships, such as friendships or work ties. In the end, whenever we meet someone we can connect more or less. There are people with whom you can get along, you can maintain a good relationship, but only with some you you feel and can really be you, they help you get the best out of yourself and you favor getting the best out of yourself. they.

It's important pointing that 100% perfect connection is unreal and does not exist. Moreover, we ourselves vary over time; therefore, this perfect coincidence is utopian. That does not mean that finding someone with whom we agree on everything is very complicated, if not impossible; When talking about chemistry, we must highlight the ability to mutually enhance each other without the need to be completely equal.

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Components of interpersonal chemistry

The connection or chemistry that is established between two people does not have to be the same as that observed in another relationship. That is, the chemistry we feel with someone will not be identical to the one felt with another person. You can not connect with someone and another subject does or you can feel different types of connection with different subjects. Even so, although chemistry is variable, there are some distinctive features that we can identify to a greater or lesser extent in relationships where chemistry exists.

1. cognitive connection

An important component that favors the appearance of interpersonal chemistry is the cognitive connection, the cognitive similarities. As we have already pointed out, it is not necessary to agree on everything, there will be aspects that distinguish us and that we do not see the same. But yeah it is important that the most outstanding factors or that most mark our personality or way of understanding life are similar.

Agreeing on variables such as tastes or interests helps this connection to appear, but in the end what really matters are the beliefs and values ​​that are basic to each person. So we will say that if you both like to play the guitar it can be a common factor that helps you connect, but what will really be decisive is that you have a similar vision of what aspects are fundamental in the lifetime.

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2. affective connection

The affective connection is also an indicator that there is chemistry between two subjects. We can consider it quite reliable, since emotions or feelings appear without us. we can choose, we cannot decide who makes us happy or for whom we feel affection or we want. A) Yes, if these types of positive emotions appear, it is likely that we really feel a connection with that person.

This type of connection is the one that sometimes terrifies us, since we fear that something bad may happen, that the relationship ends and suffer for it. But if we prevent this from happening or ignore what we feel, we will never achieve a fulfilling relationship.

3. behavioral connection

The behavioral connection that is also a representative feature of interpersonal chemistry, wanting share time together, doing activities, tasks, jobs... or act in a similar way in the face of the same event. Namely, display a similar pattern of behavior it is linked with a greater ease to establish connection and feel chemistry with another person.

The Emergence of Interpersonal Chemistry in Relationships

As we have advanced in the previous sections, we cannot decide at will that chemistry appears with a person, it is will arise or not regardless of what we want. Although it is necessary to establish a certain contact, that is to say that we can talk with the other person and share time, since as we have said in the connection is influenced by different aspects (cognitive, affective and behavioral), yes it is true that it usually arises or at least we notice it with a certain speed.

Later this connection may increase or it may disappear, but the first spark that we notice normally appears during the first contacts that both individuals maintain.

Even so, since the variables that influence the feeling of connection are different and multiple, they may change. People, despite maintaining constant personality traits, tastes, interests... We evolve and change. At one point in our lives we may not connect with someone, but over time, when we meet again, we do. Interpersonal chemistry, being something difficult to control it can appear when you least expect it or with people you didn't think it was possible for it to appear.

It is surprising how something that seems so simple, whether or not there is a connection, is really something complex, where many variables influence, generating a link that is difficult to break. Such an intense and close union can be produced where each of the individuals who confirm it are reflected in the other. At the end, although we are not completely equal, we see in the other our own traits, we perceive ourselves.

We can make a parallelism between chemical reaction, the one observed in science, with chemical interpersonal, since what we observe in both cases are two elements that, when joined, give rise to a reaction. To a product that is more powerful than both elements separately. We see how the two parts contribute their characteristics, their individual capacities so that together they can achieve a much greater, more powerful result.

A physical factor that we can observe when we have a connection with someone, apart from all the aforementioned variables such as cognition, emotions or behavior, is change or modification of the body. There are neurotransmitters or molecules such as dopamine, linked to the reinforcement and pleasure circuit; the serotonin, considered the hormone of happiness; or endorphins, linked to the reduction of the sensation of pain, which increase their levels when we have chemistry with someone, perhaps this being a more objective measure but at the same time more difficult to check.

Factors that favor interpersonal chemistry

Although, as we already know, the appearance of a connection with someone is difficult to establish at will, it is necessary to work on it so that it does not disappear and to help it continue to increase.

1. Practice active listening

For a relationship to last, it is important that good communication is established between the two people who form it. So it is not enough to listen to what he tells us, but we must try to understand what he is telling us and give it the importance that the other subject gives it. Try to be empathetic, trying to put ourselves in another's place to understand how they feel, assess what they explain to us, taking into account their perspective and how it can affect them.

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2. express how you feel

Another important point for good communication and for the connection to be maintained is express how we feel, both good and bad. Sometimes we pretend that the other person knows how we are or what is happening to us, but normally our environment does not perceive the situation the same as us. In other words, what we see very clearly is probably not so clear from the outside. Therefore, it is essential to express yourself so that there are no confusions.

3. Look for a balanced interaction

To maintain a good relationship and for the connection to last, it is also important that we try to ensure that the participation of both subjects is balanced, give both of them their time to express themselves and to listen to the other.