Post-romantic stress syndrome: what it is and how it affects relationships

Post-romantic stress syndrome can arise when we realize that the experience of love has changed and that it is no longer as it was or as we imagined it would be.

It is important to be aware of the possible stress that the evolution of love can entail, in order to work on it and not cause a problem for the couple. The purpose will be to be able to accept the change and be able to adapt to the new experience in an adequate way, enjoying it.

In this article we will talk about post-traumatic stress syndrome, and we will see several tips on how to try to face and reduce the stress that the evolution of love entails.

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What is post-romantic stress syndrome?

Since childhood they have shown us what love is like and what each person feels when they are in love. In the Disney movies, without going any further, they tell us how society understands falling in love. But what they don't tell us is that this initial, romantic and passionate love evolves, changing the type of relationship and the feeling we have towards the other. This new sensation, that of

a decrease in the intensity of passion should not be judged as a bad thing, since this decrease does not entail a reduction in the love we feel for the other person.

If we look at the name given to the syndrome, it is easy to deduce what it is. We see how it reminds us of the well-known post-traumatic stress disorder, a disorder that appears after living through a traumatic experience. Well, post-romantic stress refers to the feeling of stress after having experienced a romantic situation, when the romance ends. In this case, what will cause us discomfort is not the romantic experience, but the change that occurs, the evolution of love.

Realize that the experience of love is not what we expected and we have sensations that we did not count on, it generates in us a discomfort and the appearance of emotions such as frustration, sadness, lack of enthusiasm, which have an impact, as expected, on the partner. The lack of knowledge of the evolution that love shows and the different types that exist, that is, the lack of information, can lead to problems in the couple.

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Causes of post-romantic stress syndrome

Discomfort and confusion appear from not understanding why the change has occurred and why we feel different things. We must bear in mind that there are different types of love.

According to psychologist Robert Sternberg, one of the most recognized in the study of love, There are three components that give rise to the different types of love: intimacy, refers to the feeling of attachment and closeness; passion refers to an intense sexual desire and union with the other person; and the commitment consists of the purpose of the couple to maintain the bond.

In this way, according to the combination of two of the previous components, it will generate different kinds of love. Romantic love would be made up of passion and intimacy, lasting approximately months or the first few years. Love develops and evolves, being able to give rise to different combinations, and with them different sensations.

The type of love to achieve according to the author is consummate love, which consists of the union of the three components, although Stenberg indicates that it is not difficult to achieve this type of love, but the complicated thing is to maintain it, being probable that it evolves again in another class of love. love.

The time of evolution of love, passing from one type of love to another can be variable; Each couple can present it at a different time. Although there are periods or times that work as a reference, we can say that romantic love usually lasts about 12 to 18 months, between a year and a year and a half. This change or new sensations that we can feel have different explanations. On the one hand, as we already mentioned, the description that we are taught and communicated about love is not equivalent to reality, generating expectations that will not be met and can produce in us a feeling of discomfort and discontent.

On the other hand, internal or biological factors of people also influence. During the initial stage of love, of the relationship, neurotransmitters and brain hormones are activated more than usual, generating in the subject a different feeling than usual.

These neurotransmitters are dopamine, related to the reinforcement and pleasure circuit, serotonin, which is known as the hormone of happiness, and oxytocin, also called the hormone of love When the brain stabilizes again and these neurotransmitters are regulated, this initial feeling of "butterflies in the stomach" or of seeing the other person perfect, without defects, disappears.

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How to deal with post-romantic stress syndrome

Given the discomfort and negative emotions that this syndrome can entail, we can carry out some behaviors or actions to try to prevent it from appearing or to deal with it when it does appear. In the end, as with any other alteration, it is essential to be aware of what we are feeling in order to face it.

1. accept the change

As we have mentioned, the passage of time involves the evolution of love and with it change, since we cannot avoid this change, since it is part of the normal course. It is necessary to accept it in order to be able to work on the different sensations and reduce the discomfort that it entails. The intention is not to avoid change and remain eternally in romantic love, but to be able to adapt to the new type of love that we feel without it being a problem for us.

2. Focus on living in the present

It is common, and not only in the field of love, that people sometimes live anchored in the past or remember past situations that we value as better times, we have idealized them. In order to be able to adapt and enjoy the present situation, it is essential that we Let's focus on the "here and now", what it means to live in the present moment without thinking about the past or the future.

Comparing the present situation with how we were before does not help us, since the change that occurs is real and can generate discomfort in us for not feeling like before.

3. Look at the positive things

A change linked to the disappearance of romantic love is that we begin to see the other person really as he is, without idealizing him, focusing even more on his negative traits. For this reason, being aware of this fact, we must try not to get carried away by this change and try to give importance and also highlight the positive traits of our partner. It does not mean that we do not act if we see that we do not like something, but try to keep in mind both the bad, in order to talk about it and improve it, as well as the good, which over time we usually stop considering.

4. Communicate

Communication is an essential tool not only in relationships but in any type of social relationship. If we do not express to the other person how we feel, possible events that have made us feel bad or aspects that we would like to change, it is very difficult for an improvement to occur, ultimately leading to problems.

We cannot pretend that our partner knows what we think or how we feel, since it is very easy for confusion to occur, we must look for communication spaces so that both of us we can express and thus be able to reach agreements and help each other, with the purpose of strengthening the partner.

5. Find other ways to activate passion

Passion, as we have said, is a characteristic state of romantic love, which usually tends to decrease over time. But this fact does not mean that we cannot feel passions again; we may simply need to try new ways to get it. Referring to the previous point, it will be important for us to communicate to find out what could help or what we would like to be able to relight or keep the "flame" of the passion. There are multiple forms, each subject having different tastes, which at the same time can vary over the years or with the evolution of love.

6. Break with social belief

The image of love transmitted to us from society refers to romantic love, giving understand that this must be the type of love that we always feel and that if it is not like this, something is wrong happening. We must break with this idea, and be aware that love is not something stable, evolves over time, thus giving rise to different sensations. We cannot be guided by movie love stories because, as we know, real life is different and many more factors influence it.