The danger of living with a narcissistic personality

In principle, everyone knows that a narcissistic person is someone who is pushy, arrogant, selfish and a liar.

However, what we have not been taught is that these subjects they can hide behind apparently affable, seductive and caring personalities. They can and they know how to do it. Today's society, in fact, makes it even easier. Social success, so relatively easy to achieve with some skill in social networks, can hide real toxic people.

• Related article: "The Major Theories of Personality"

Why does the narcissistic personality give rise to coexistence problems?

They are, apparently, charming people, the kind that seduce and have a great power of conviction. They are intuitive, detailed and know how to make you feel special. They are people who know how to fall in love.

And they are dangerous. If they know how to guess what you like, it's only because they need to receive your admiration. If they're charming, it's because they can't stand not being the center of attention. If they seduce, it is with the aim of catching you and having you at their feet. If they convince, it is because they have the ability to repeat things so much that they manage to make you doubt even yourself.

And they don't fall in love, because they are incapable of it.

We are talking about people with narcissistic personality disorder. Fortunately, "pure narcissists" are rare; however, people with narcissistic traits are everywhere. Meeting them and sharing some part of your life usually leads to problems.. And falling in love with someone with narcissistic traits, if they are strong enough, can seriously harm you.

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1. They are difficult to detect… in time

Seen from the outside, from a distance or from afar, it can seem very easy to detect if someone is a narcissist. If he is arrogant and arrogant, if he doesn't know how to listen and lacks empathy, if he lies, if he has a great need for control... Then he is a narcissist.

We all know the theory and we all think that we will never feel attracted to someone who meets these characteristics. However, no one is out of danger. Because the narcissistic personality, in addition to having all these characteristics that we have listed, usually has another one: the ability to camouflage.

The public image of the most dangerous narcissist will be impeccable, his capacity for seduction will be so great that his pathology will go completely unnoticed, even in the eyes of his victim.

So much so that the victim of a narcissistic person she won't be able to figure out what's hurting her until after a lot of suffering.

2. They catch empathic people

We have said that no one is out of danger of falling into the net of a narcissistic person, but who have it more difficult are empathic people.

Empathy is, without a doubt, a virtue. However, is also a double-edged sword, because if you go too far you may not be able to find limits when it comes to wanting to help the narcissistic partner. And that is precisely why it is common for narcissistic people to feel attracted to empathic people: they know how to detect that they will have their attention for a long time.

3. Interacting with them has devastating consequences

The narcissistic person is, by definition, incapable of love. For the simple reason that she doesn't even love herself. and uA relationship in which one of the two is a narcissistic person will always be a toxic relationship..

The narcissistic person first seduces and then, when he feels that he has already achieved his trophy, he transforms. He will begin to systematically devalue his partner, he will react with anger to everything that does not satisfy him, he will constantly manipulate the situation, will seriously damage the mental health of the person he claims to love, will alienate him from his friends and will make him believe that he is guilty of all the problems.

• You may be interested: "23 signs that you have a 'toxic relationship'"

4. They won't let you get away from them

The only solution to a toxic relationship is to nip it in the bud. But with a partner with a narcissistic personality, this is not so easy to achieve. First, because of what we have already discussed, the influence of narcissism can be truly devastating. and that disables you to find any way out, by his side your self-esteem is gone deteriorating.

And then, because even having been able to detect the danger and make the decision to get away from it, the narcissistic person is not going to tolerate a definite no, he will always have you on his list of victims and when you least expect it he will return with his best weapons of seduction.

And having been in love with someone and then being able to understand that what he is promising you is impossible to happen (because narcissists don't change, they can't change), it's really hard to deal with.

At this point, the recommendation is to ask a professional for help.

5. In most cases, no treatment is possible

Narcissistic people are actually emotionally deprived people and that they often feel depressed and empty. Organizing life around a lie and not being able to love is not something enviable. In fact, narcissists are the first victims of their own pathology.

And they have a difficult solution. His own personality makes him unable to change. The most common is that he is directly incapable of recognizing himself as a narcissist, and everyone knows that the first step to solving a problem is always being able to recognize it. But it is that even if he were to see himself as he is and agree to go to therapy, he would be unable to find a professional he could trust. Because he couldn't help but think that the professional is not good enough for someone like him.

Hence the myth: Narcissus drowned in his very image.

Emotional education to combat narcissism

We live in a society that promotes narcissism. Appearance is overrated, it is urged to always seek success, likes and followers are chased, and perfect images are applauded, although they have nothing to do with the real images.

We must combat this trend. We must educate our young people emotionally and reinforce social models that break with the dictatorship of appearance and focus on respect, empathy and solidarity.

This is, without a doubt, the great challenge of today's society.