Narcissistic parental abuse: what it is and what effects it has on children

All boys and girls deserve to have parents or caregivers who provide care, food, clothing, affection and protection, essential elements for their proper development. However, some parents may present certain behaviors that are not recommended when raising their children, and in some cases, this is caused by a narcissistic-type psychological alteration.

These parents could be affectionate and charming, but behind it there would be a component of emotional manipulation that is often difficult to detect. In this article you will learn what narcissistic parental abuse is, what are its consequences in infants and how to detect its signals.

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What is narcissistic parental abuse?

Narcissistic parental abuse is the wrong and unhealthy way of parenting in front of their children. It has to do with those parents who need excessive attention or admiration at the expense of the care, development and well-being that they have supposedly offered their children.

Some parents may present the characterization of a narcissistic personality clinical picture, and others they may only present more moderate narcissistic personality traits but also problematic in certain contexts. However, not all parents with this pathology tend to emotionally abuse their children.

While some narcissistic parents are easy to spot, others are not. The former often tend to give themselves high levels of self-importance and display destructive and selfish behavior. However, the seconds they are charming and affectionate, but deep down they may have inherent feelings of resentment and jealousy towards their own children. Likewise, due to the image they project towards others, it is very important for them to demand high levels of demand and perfection in their children in order to add them to that perfect image that they tend to show to others because they consider their children as if they were their achievements.

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Characteristics of parents who commit narcissistic parental abuse

A typical characteristic of narcissistic parents is that they believe they have no limits, since violate the privacy claimed by their children, so they check their phones or personal things without prior authorization.

Similarly, some may be very involved in their children's lives, waiting for the minors to share everything with them, or they demand to know where they are and what they do all the time, from a controlling desire (after all, they see their children as their projects personal).

Another typical characteristic of these parents is that they do not tolerate mistakes, failures or imperfections that their children may have, and establish goals that their children must meet in order for them to achieve their expectations. Added to this, many of them tend to apply punishments physical, verbal and psychological.

Types

Now, there are different ways in which narcissistic parental abuse takes shape. Let's see what its main variants are.

imposing narcissist

They are parents who they use their children as a source of narcissistic supply. These parents force their children to succeed and live vicariously through their children; they accept the recognition or praise that minors receive as if it were their own.

Many times minors do not achieve an adequate development of their own identity. It is no coincidence that many minors tend to feel like a trophy and not like a person, that is the main characterization that these parents can have in reference to the treatment they provide to their children, since many of them only show affection when they are pleased or the minor fulfills one of their high expectations. In families where there is more than one child, these parents can give all the attention and best treatment only to the one who meets their demands and expectations.

vulnerable narcissist

They are vulnerable narcissistic parents with emotional instability and insecurities. Vulnerable narcissistic abusive parents appear weak and passively express aggression, so that it is often difficult to recognize them. The covert aggression carried out by parents has as its main objective to generate or provoke psychological damage, leaving conflict and confrontation aside.

These parents often lack self-confidence, and therefore present feelings of emotional emptiness and To compensate for these feelings of inferiority, they tend to resort to narcissistic control over their peers. sons. These parents tend to get angry and depressed when their children move alone or with a new partner. Thus, they can also lose their self-care and sometimes threaten to take their own lives.

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Psychological Effects of Narcissistic Parental Abuse

By making a high pressure and demand for perfection towards their children, this can generate a negative impact on the minor in their way of doing, thinking and feeling. Considering the lack of understanding or comprehension that the minor has regarding her father, he may not be able to realize what is really happening; it is so will try to meet the high demands and expectations of their parent, which more often than not will be impossible and will cost you great effort and suffering, damaging your self-esteem.

However, it may happen that some minors tend to ignore these demands, but in the same way they will suffer discomfort in the relationship with their parents because this will be harmed. Generating in children an idealization of fantasy perfection that they will not be able to achieve will result in frustration, anger, levels of anxiety, etc. And in the most extreme cases, it produces trauma.

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Signs of a narcissistic parent

Narcissistic parents tend to be difficult to identify by their own children or relatives. However, those who have the expertise and preparation to be able to identify them would come to psychologists and psychotherapists. However, in this article we will give you some signs that could make you assume that you are dealing with a parent who commits narcissistic parental abuse. Here are 6 signs:

1. Live through your children

Narcissistic parents tend to have high expectations not for their children's own benefit, but for the fulfillment of their own selfish needs or dreams. Therefore, instead of raising a son or daughter with their own goals, what they end up doing is raising a child with goals linked or directed towards those of the parents themselves. In this way, they live through their children, demanding directly and indirectly all the goals and dreams that they really want to achieve or have achieved throughout their lives.

2. Tendency to humiliate their children

Many fathers and mothers who are narcissistic tend to feel threatened by the great potential and promise of success that their children may have. Consequently, they may work to humiliate their children into submission and make them adopt a submissive attitude. A) Yes, they tend to make irrational judgments, unfair comparisons, reject their achievements, etc. Thus, for these parents, their children will never turn out to be good enough, in this way they tend to diminish the confidence of their children.

3. False and superficial image

These parents tend to be very attached to show an image of grandeur and excellence or perfection that does not really exist. Many narcissistic parents are very passionate about wanting to show others how special or unique they are by having their children or that life that they have. For them it is essential to have the attention of others and of course to have the compliments of these people to whom they expose their supposed achievements or privileges. Nowadays, many of these parents tend to use social networks to be able to publish the false superficial image that they want to appear to others on a very frequent and usual basis.

4. Handling

It is very common that parents who commit narcissistic parental abuse tend to have very frequent manipulative behaviors. In this way, some parents tend to exaggerate before their children the great efforts they have made for them, and other times they tend to feel guilty about their unbalanced emotional states. Other acts carried out by parents is the irrational pressure that they promote in the same way, they execute an emotional coercion with the purpose of making their children fulfill with greater pressure their ideals or goals, dreams and desires that they really have.

5. Rigidity and inflexibility

Many narcissistic parents are highly rigid, especially when it comes to the behaviors that are expected of their children. They try to regulate and shape the behavior of these, getting upset when there is a deviation from their demands. It is also very common that many narcissistic parents are very sensitive and tend to lose their tempers and explode very easily. On the other hand, the reasons that tend to irritate these parents can vary from the obedience of their children, to the mistakes or faults that they supposedly commit.

6. lack of empathy

Narcissistic parents who commit parental abuse also tend to manifest a partial or complete inability to consider the feelings and interests of their children and give them due value and importance. Thus, these parents only tend to give value and attention to what interests them and what they feel or think really matters. Some people who are raised in this form or parenting style over time decide to fight and defend themselves in order to escape the abuse committed by their parents.