Improve your quality of life through emotional regulation

Have you ever noticed that emotions are always present in our day to day life and yet, generally, they are not usually studied at school or in high school? Joy, disgust, anger, sadness, fear or surprise are the most basic emotions that we can normally find in our routine. Even so, today, there are many people who reach adulthood with difficulties in recognizing, expressing or manage them, but, on the contrary, they do know how to solve a math problem or know the rivers of the geography of their country.

Despite the fact that, currently, more attention is being paid to the emotional area of ​​the human being, years ago this area was neglected and, therefore, this still affects many families. In fact, we may be inclined to pay more attention to how our child is behaving (“is he behaving well or is he behaving badly”) than how he is feeling ("He is angry, he is sad, he is overwhelmed"), even, on occasion, we have been able to make the mistake of invalidating her emotions, for example, saying phrases such as "you get angry over silly things" or "don't be sad, if that's nothing", when perhaps our child does importance.

Growing up in an environment where emotions go unnoticed can lead us to have serious difficulties in developing a good emotional intelligence and, therefore, end up being adults with limited capacities to put regulation into practice emotional. This, in turn, can have a significant impact on the individual's quality of life.

Generally, the regulation of our emotions it is learned through the relationships we establish with our main attachment figures: our parents or caregivers. When we are little, these are the ones that teach us what to do with what happens to us and, probably, we will keep the strategies learned at this stage in our adulthood.

• Related article: "What is emotional intelligence?"

But… What is emotional regulation?

Emotional regulation, according to Thompson (1994), can be defined as those processes responsible for monitoring, evaluating and modifying emotional reactions, particularly its intensity and characteristics over time, with the aim of achieving one's own goals.

In fact, difficulties in emotional regulation could increase the chances of presenting psychological difficulties. significant (for example, behavioral disorders), physical health problems, complications in social adjustment and competition social etc. This could, in turn, affect the deterioration of interpersonal relationships and proper functioning in daily life.

In a simpler way, emotional regulation is the ability we have to face and manage our own emotions. It makes sense to think that if our ability to manage our emotions is good, this will have a positive impact on our day to day. It is not about controlling, denying or avoiding them, but about understanding what they are for and learning to handle them in each case.; Knowing the relationship between what we think, feel and how we act will be very useful for this.

In this sense, we could say that emotional regulation has several phases or steps that we can take into account.

1. emotional awareness

First, emotional awareness is important. Thus, it is of great importance know how to identify the emotions we are feeling and also understand the function they are fulfilling at that particular moment. We can answer questions like: How do I feel? What emotions are they? Why do I feel this way? What can be the point of feeling like this?

• You may be interested: "Self-knowledge: definition and 8 tips to improve it"

2. Acceptance

Second, acceptance. Understand that all emotions are valid, since, when they appear, they are fulfilling a certain function (For example, when we are in a dangerous situation, we feel fear and, therefore, we activate ourselves, emitting a fight or flight response, favoring our survival).

This part, acceptance, can be somewhat complicated, since it consists of not judging what we are feeling and, on many occasions, we tend to classify as "positive" or "negative" those emotions that we feel. However, as I said, there are no "good" or "bad" emotions, they are all valid and have a function.

• Related article: "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): principles and characteristics"

3. Management

Lastly, thirdly, once we accept what we are feeling, we are ready to face it and handle it. Later you will learn some strategies that will allow you to adaptively manage your emotions. This, in turn, could allow the self-management of one's own subjective well-being, related to the perceived quality of life.

• You may be interested: "8 keys to stay motivated and achieve your goals"

Is emotional regulation related to quality of life?

The WHO defines "quality of life" as the individual's perception of their position in life within the cultural context and value system in which you live and with respect to your goals, expectations, norms and concerns. In some studies, in order to operate with the concept of "quality of life", it can be defined as the perceived level of well-being derived from each person's evaluation of objective and subjective elements in different dimensions of their life.

Currently, lines of research study whether emotions have a role in the evaluation that people make of their quality of life. Sometimes, emotions can be understood as a significant interpretation of reality, producing, at in turn, a determined response on the part of the individual, thus defining specific consequences for the person. In fact, it has been shown to be good emotional regulation strategies They form a protective factor against life-threatening behaviors, such as suicide..

In this sense, having a good ability to regulate our emotions can have benefits such as:

• Greater probability of presenting healthy interpersonal relationships. For example, if we argue with a friend and manage our emotions appropriately, the friend is more likely to conflict is successfully resolved, unlike if anger consumes us and we “explode”, escalating in the severity of the discussion.
• Better ability to execute in situations where we are under pressure. If we have a very important conference tomorrow, for example, we are more likely to prepare better if we have the ability to manage the emotions that come to us today.
• Facilitates decision making in problem solving processes. Emotional regulation can help us stay calm and therefore think more clearly.
• It increases the probability of enjoying the events we experience. In this sense, if something has gone wrong for us, for example, we will not be constantly thinking about it, feeling an immense frustration, but we will be able to manage it and move on, focusing on enjoying other moments to come.

These benefits, among others, serve different areas of our lives, which would indicate, in general, that Emotional regulation can facilitate an adequate achievement of our objectives or goals in the different areas of life. In this sense, in a study carried out by Lacouture et al. (2016) it is concluded that there is a significant inverse relationship between the perception of quality of life and the difficulties that individuals present when it comes to regulating their emotions. Therefore, it seems that the capacity for emotional regulation could influence, in a general way, the perception of the quality of life of individuals. But… What characteristics does a person have who is not capable of adequately regulating their emotions?

I'm not regulating my emotions when...

People who have difficulty regulating their emotions appropriately are likely to be characterized by experience intense, uncomfortable and/or strong emotions, which can lead to processes of anxiety, panic, depression or fear.

These emotions can be so unpleasant for the person who feels them, that is able to perform certain actions or avoid certain situations so as not to have to feel them. In this sense, when we avoid these experiences, life becomes more and more limited in different ways. contexts (school, work, family, friends, etc.), also interfering with the achievement of objectives or plans. Ultimately, the source of discomfort would be caused by the way we relate to our emotions.

Different strategies to regulate my emotions.

We can regulate our emotions in different ways. Keep in mind that there are two types of regulation: adaptive and maladaptive regulation.

Strategies for adaptive emotional regulation:

• Social relationships.
• Meditation practice, activities with mindfulness.
• Breathing exercises.
• Practice physical activity or sport.
• Acceptance of emotion and search for the meaning it has. Problem resolution.
• Assertive communication training.
• Self-care activities related to our tastes or preferences: relaxing shower, good rest, careful eating, listening to music, painting...
• technique of cognitive restructuring: consists of reinterpreting the situation we are experiencing in a more functional way for us, creating more adaptive thoughts. Thus we have the possibility of changing the impact it has on our emotional state.
• Etc.

strategies of maladaptive emotional regulation:

• Avoidance of emotion, constant distraction.
• Excessive worry about the problem, go into a loop, rumination.
• Substance use.
• Abusive use of social networks, food...
• Self-abandonment: lock yourself up at home, leave the routine...
• Aggressive behaviors.
• Feeling guilty or angry about feeling the unpleasant emotion.
• Etc.

Taking into account all of the above, putting into practice emotional regulation strategies in an adaptive way in the different areas of our life, can have repercussions, in a general way, in the subjective perception of the wellness. And therefore, influence assessment of quality of life. What are you waiting for to start practicing emotional regulation and improve your quality of life?

Author: Maribel Martín Sánchez, General Health Psychologist at the RapportPsicología center.