Is it possible to trust a person who was unfaithful to you?
Before dealing with couples in the context of couple therapy applied in consultations for infidelity, he could answer that once a person is unfaithful, he can be a thousand times more.
In addition, I began to affirm that it was useless to forgive in cases like this, because if forgiving was not a guarantee of that an infidelity would not happen again, why then go through the test of mistrust to the confidence.
There is even a saying that if they cheat on you once it's the infidel's fault, but if they cheat on you twice it's your fault. So, with this mentality, who ventures to stay, to have a commitment after an infidelity?
- Related article: "The 9 types of infidelity and their characteristics"
6 steps to consider if you stay in the relationship after infidelity
Straight to the point, is it possible to continue in a relationship when there has been an infidelity? Well yes, and again yes. However, specific conditions must be met. Here I list some that I think are the main ones.
- Know that you will forgive, forget or overlook.
- On the part of the person to whom they were unfaithful, define with examples what actions generate trust or mistrust.
- On the part of the person who committed the infidelity, a commitment to correct what happened, with examples of how it could help heal and restore trust.
- If the person who was unfaithful shows repentance.
- Understand and put into practice the new contract of the relationship.
- That the process be carried out by a psychotherapist.
The latter, having psychological assistance, is key so that an external subject can be objective with the actions that each one does. It is a good sign that the one who was unfaithful calls to schedule the appointment. Obviously, this bill is paid by the unfaithful, if it is the opposite then I recommend that you study issues related to dignity and self-esteem, but that is another topic.
- You may be interested: "How to make a couple crisis become an apprenticeship?"
The importance of forgiveness
Now, let's talk about this related subtopic that is always linked to infidelity: forgiveness. And I ask you, do we forgive an infidel for convenience or for love? Do you find a relationship in forgiving and not being unfaithful to you again? How long is the healthy time that must pass before forgiveness appears? Should the process of forgiveness be done from subjective love or from objective love? Can I forgive and still separate? Can I not forgive and stay in the relationship?
Here we can be on one side or the other and with various answers; my opinion is that the way we respond has a lot to do with the grievance, with what we have to "let go". The relationship time with the other person, the deception, how it deconstructs a family process, how was the infidelity, with whom was the infidelity, if you discovered it, if your partner confessed it to you... These, among others, are decisive in answering these questions.
The important thing is to know that this situation is not a sentence, neither for the one who is unfaithful nor for the one who has suffered infidelity. But the truth is that a person who loves you does not make you suffer, the general rule will always be not to limit yourself to words or letters, but to take action.
Now, if you were unfaithful, what happens now? Was it a one time thing? Are you looking for culprits? Are you willing to do the emotional work required to establish trust and gain the tools to fulfill your agreements in the relationship? We will talk about it in another article.
