"I can't find that special person": causes and solutions

The desire to have a partner, related or not to the intention of starting a family, are a relatively common source of concern for people of almost all ages.

It is also very common, although no less unpleasant and stressful, that the problems in finding someone suitable become a reason for worry that produces anxiety or something that generates a feeling of hopelessness in those people who see their singleness as a destiny irremediable.

This is usually captured by the phrase "I can't find that special person." How can we psychologically address these cases in which unwanted bachelorhood generates discomfort and tendency to sadness, stress or even depressive symptoms? Next we will see some aspects that must be taken into account in these cases.

Why can't I have a partner? a first step

It must be clear from the outset that everything we can do to stop suffering from not finding the right partner basically depends on the person affected, since Others cannot be held responsible for not fulfilling the characteristics that are sought or not reciprocating our affection.

This, which seems obvious, is something that is often overlooked in moments of vulnerability: others are easily blamed, since that allows us to see incarnated several of the problems that afflict us and offers a possibility of alleviating the discomfort at the expense of the other person.

1. Reviewing the case of people with a partner

The idea of ​​not finding someone special may not only affect single people, but also people who feel distanced from their partner or who believe that they do not love them enough. In these cases there are a wide variety of factors that come into play, and that is why we will not talk about these cases in this article.

The best thing in these cases is to start by establishing a fluid communication with the couple about this topic and, from there, explore possibilities together or with the help of professionals.

2. self-examining ourselves

The second point is already a call to action: analyze our own feelings and behaviors to know what is happening to us. There are many ways to experience unwanted singleness; You can look for someone to start a family, or you can also look for a partner for social pressure, or that a rejection has recently been suffered and that this has generated a crisis.

It is necessary not to take too much for granted when it comes to our true motivations and needs. This step alone can already be a difficult learning process for those who are not used to self-examine in an introspective way or who do not have the habit of carrying out the activities related to what in occasions is called emotional intelligence.

3. Working on expectations

Part of the problem of believing that the right person to form a couple is not found is usually found in expectations, which on many occasions they can be deeply shaped by social pressure or even fashion, the film industry and, in general, the world of celebrities.

In these market sectors it is common to invest a lot of money in developing image campaigns to make people offer to the public the best image of themselves, an easily "idealizable" version that on many occasions does not even define their personality well real. However, this is something that we often overlook and that makes create unrealistic expectations about how people can be 24 hours a day. If we imagine that it is normal to be like these young and famous people all day long, it kills our tolerance for frustration in the face of other people's shortcomings.

4. Detecting the signs of isolation

Those people who show some signs close to depression when not finding a partner, will be more likely to isolate themselves, which can make them feel more alone. Sadness and hopelessness not only make you lose energy to do things like go out and meet people, but it puts us in a loop of thoughts that damages our self-esteem and it makes us think that it is useless to look for company, since nobody is going to be interested in us.

When someone makes movements to approach a sad or depressed person, instead of interpreting this as a good sign, this often produces fear either anxiety, or it is taken as a show of pity or mockery. This leads to a defensive attitude that nonverbally expresses the idea that you want to be alone, which often causes this person to withdraw. This, in turn, is memorized as an unpleasant situation that has ended in a return to loneliness, which confirms the ideas that one is destined to be alone.

If we have really decided we are interested in meeting new peopleIt is important that we try to force ourselves to carry out activities that increase our possibilities of interacting with third parties, even if we don't feel like it at all due to our low mood. For this, the collaboration of our friends is very helpful, who usually offer very good emotional support.

5. Finding ways to meet people

This is one of the most obvious steps to finding interesting people, and it pays to spend time exploring them all. In the case of the possibility of meeting people on the Internet, it is important to get rid of the negative prejudices associated with this form of initial contact that still exist: are based on stereotypes about people who have traditionally used computers to entertain themselves and, in addition to being based on fallacies and caricatured versions of reality, have been very outdated.

6. Other love proposals

Finally, there is something worth bearing in mind: there is also the possibility of having affective relationships that are not limited to the couple bound by traditional romantic love. polyamory it is one more form of affectivity that many people find useful.

concluding

As much as we think "I can't find that person" this is just a description of the present situation, not a statement about how things should be And what will our future be like?

It is important to break the loop of ideas related to sadness and hopelessness, which limit our margin of movement, and force ourselves to carry out those activities that we know will make it easier for us to meet more people.