Can friendship exist between a man and a woman?

It has been more than two decades since one of the most applauded romantic comedies was released: When Harry met Sally. This film was a resounding success at the box office, and if it did it was thanks, at least in part, to placing one of the most recurrent questions in the spotlight: Is friendship between a woman and a man possible?

Friendship between a man and a woman: a utopia?

In previous articles we have found what are the 7 signs to detect a toxic friendship, we explain the relationship between political ideology and sexual attraction, or we resolved the issue of why kindness is a problem when looking for a partner.

Today we will try to collect information that helps us understand if a man and a woman can maintain a disinterested friendship of any romantic or sexual project.

Many people think that it is not possible, that heterosexual women and men cannot establish a relationship of pure friendship. And it is usually attributed that this impossibility resides in the effect of hormones

. However, many people claim to have had one or many friends of the opposite sex. It seems that it is a quite subjective question, which depends a lot on the scale of values ​​of each individual.

Research

An investigation published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, led by April Bleske-Rechek, Professor of Psychology at Wisconsin-Eau Claire University, concluded that men perceive romantic options more frequently than women with their friends (2012). The study also noted that men tended to be equally interested sexually or romantically. in her friends, regardless of whether they were already having a romantic relationship with another person.

What does the Bleske-Rechek study tell us? That men and women differ in the appreciation of their relationships with people of the opposite sex, leading to clearly differentiated attitudes about their expectations. The research also showed that, in the typical friendship between a woman and a man, the man tends to overestimate the level of attraction that the friend feels towards him. On the other side, the woman underestimates the degree of attraction that her friend feels towards her.

As a result of this asymmetry, the man may come to think: “I'm sure my friend wants something more than a simple friendship ", while women conceive:" Oh, of course not, my friend does not think of me that way, we are good friends". It is possible that these different perceptions about the same relationship are the origin of endless misunderstandings, or the reason why many women inadvertently give "delusions" to their male friends.

The sincerity variable also comes into play

Another variable that probably influences biasing the results in this type of research is the female's inclination to hide certain thoughts or opinions.. In the study, participants were guaranteed that their responses would be completely anonymous and confidential.

Also, before the surveys were completed, the researcher made the pairs of friends promise separately that they would not discuss the responses at the end of the study. Although the presumable thing was to think that all the subjects were absolutely sincere, the truth is that it was detected some degree of shame in accepting that one is attracted to their friend, even though they appreciate that this attraction is not reciprocal. Obviously, pride and withdrawal can influence participants' responses, thus altering the results.

Although there is not an extensive scientific literature on these issues, it is worth highlighting a unique study carried out by Jesse Budd and Patrick Romero, two talented young film directors who came to the same conclusion: friendship between men and women is impossible.

They planned to carry out a video recording that could confirm the veracity of the hypothesis. Of course, their method was miles from being considered rigorous and scientific, but they managed to document informal questionnaires among college students. Experience revealed that, when the girls were questioned, they began by saying that yes, it was quite possible to maintain a friendship with a man. However, as the survey came into focus and they were asked if their friends were attracted to them, blushed and admitted that it was quite likely that they did. In view of this, could it not be said that friendship between individuals of the opposite sex is never without a certain degree of attraction?

Friendship and attraction: concluding

To tell the truth, it seems that both women and men must reflect on our conceptions of friendship, to achieve that our friends are because of their personality. We value sincere, reciprocal and lasting friendship, be it with a man or a woman.

Recently, in addition, some North American researchers carried out a macro-survey asking thousands of people if they had had sex with a friend, and if that intimate contact had worsened or improved the friendship relationship. The results of the surprising study can be found by reading this article:

• Related article: "Sex between friends strengthens friendship"

We will remain vigilant when providing new information on this issue. What is your opinion on the subject? Can friendship exist between a man and a woman? Opinions are diverse and always bring controversy. We invite you to offer us your vision on this topic in the comments section, or through our Facebook account.

Bibliographic references:

• Barriga, S. (1982). Group psychology and social change. Barcelona: Time.
• De Castro, R. (1996). Social influence and environmental change: current and prospective intervention strategies. Psychosocial intervention, 5 (13), 7-20.
• Martínez, M. F. (1993). Community psychology. Seville: Eudema.