Expectations in love: how to know if they are realistic? 7 tips

Relationships are not only based on love. In addition, they always go hand in hand with a series of commitments and efforts aimed at creating a climate of mutual trust. And this, in turn, raises expectations about what will happen in the future in that relationship.

However, there are times when expectations in love do not match reality, either because they are based on unjustified optimism, or because they make us fall into something that can almost be considered paranoia and fear of abandonment. Knowing how to analyze whether they conform to reality or not is one of the most important elements for the love bond to be maintain, in case you already have a partner, or to correct certain attitudes if you do not have a loving relationship stable.

• Related article: "How do the smartest people manage love relationships?"

What are expectations in couple relationships?

In the world of romantic relationships, expectations are the set of beliefs that outline an expected or probable future with regard to coexistence and mutual accompaniment with real or imagined people (in the event that a couple is considered that has not yet been found).

Thus, they are not limited to being a set of ideas "stored" inside the brain of each of the lovers, but are constantly affecting the way in which the people who participate in the affective bond interact with each other on a day-to-day basis, although they do not talk explicitly about the plans of future.

That is why it is vital to see to what extent these expectations are compatible and fit with each other, or to what extent those ideas are not too demanding with what life offers us. We must bear in mind that these expectations are not only about how the person in love with us will be or could be, but also the material context in which the relationship will take place. For example: is it sensible to expect a life as a couple full of luxuries if you don't currently earn money? Probably not.

Next we will examine, depending on whether they are expectations in love and there is already a relationship or not, in what way we can adjust them to what is sensible. First of all, let's start with the case of those who already have a reciprocated love relationship.

How to assess expectations in love if you already have a partner

Follow these guidelines to reach the most objective understanding possible, keep these key ideas in mind in your day to day.

1. Analyze the causes of possible fears

Uncertainty often makes us afraid of getting frustrated by placing too much hope in a relationship. It is clear that each case is unique, but despite this it is possible to assess a series of objective criteria to ensure that it really there are reasonable causes to doubt.

First, start by thinking about your situation and creating a list. Second, think about the extent to which fears are associated with real or imagined signs, probable or not. You can order them following this criteria, and assess the importance that each one has for you.

2. think about your self esteem

Some fears may arise not from the characteristics of the relationship itself, but from self-esteem. This is very common in people who have an unkind concept of themselves and they think they will be abandoned because they are not worth much. Detecting the problem in this cause is already a great advance, and psychological therapy usually helps.

• You may be interested in: "6 good tips (and habits) to boost your self-esteem"

3. Have you fantasized too much?

There are times when the fact of envisioning a very happy future makes us obsessed with these ideas, and we begin to make our own happiness depend on it. At the same time, the fear of not reaching that goal appears.

For this reason, reflect on whether, if you really have in mind a tomorrow clearly marked by happiness far superior to that of the present, there are reasons to assume that this will be the case, and what are you doing to achieve it.

4. talk about it

Sharing these ideas is crucial. Talk about your illusions and your fears It can be somewhat stressful, but it is necessary if there are suspicions of a mismatch in this regard. Of course, it is crucial to do it from a constructive perspective.

And if you are single...

When reviewing your love expectations while single or single, follow these tips.

1.. Do you have a very marked filter? Check it

Sometimes, we rule out the possibility of starting relationships with certain people simply because they do not meet one or more very limited characteristics. Does this make sense?

2. Are you trying to give an image that is not real? Do not do it

There are those who hope to have love relationships by attracting the profile of the ideal boyfriend or girlfriend by behaving in a certain way. What is supposed to attract that kind of people?. It is an imposture that in practice does not lead anywhere.

3. Have you assumed loneliness? question her

No one has to be alone, although certain people have it easier to attract attention of the rest But defeatism effectively means that the rest of the people do not perceive any interest in one same.