The 100 best phrases of Irvin D. Yalom
Irvin David Yalom is a psychotherapist, professor of psychiatry at Stanford University, and writer of novels in which he blends fiction literature with the principles of various psychological theories or the day to day that experts in this branch can experience, but with a touch fanciful
In this compilation of Irvin David Yalom's phrases you will find several interesting reflections that serve as inspiration and help to understand the philosophy of life of this author.
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Irvin David Yalom's most memorable phrases
To learn more about the career and life of this psychologist and writer, we bring a collection of phrases and reflections by Irvin Yalom.
1. Each person must choose how much truth they can bear.
Not everyone is willing to hear the truth.
2. Loving means being actively concerned about the life and growth of another.
Love is to help us get over ourselves, not keep us tied down.
3. It is easier, much easier, to obey another than to command oneself.
Why do we tend to please others and not ourselves?
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4. In order to have a relationship with another person, one must have a relationship with oneself.
If you're not happy with who you are, you can't be happy with someone else.
5. It is easier to deal with a bad reputation than a bad conscience.
Very few people are able to listen to their conscience.
6. The truth is accessed - Nietzsche continued - through disbelief and skepticism, not through the childish desire for something to happen.
The truth is the result of what we seek to resolve our ignorance.
7. I have reduced my obligations to only one: to perpetuate my freedom.
Freedom is being able to do what we love in our life.
8. You must choose between comfort and true research!
Not everyone is able to see reality because it can be very cruel.
9. You must be ready to burn in your own flame. How could you become new if you had not first become ashes.
We cannot achieve true success if we do not learn from our mistakes.
10. Marriage and its entourage of possession and jealousy enslave the spirit.
A marriage without love and commitment is like a prison.
11. To build children, you must first be built yourself. Otherwise you will seek children out of animal needs, or out of loneliness, or to patch up the holes in yourself.
Having children to fill some kind of void will not allow you to form a stable family.
12. Loneliness only exists in solitude. When shared, it evaporates.
Loneliness is that space of despair and discomfort with ourselves.
13. If you want to choose the pleasure of growing up, be prepared for some pain.
When we suffer we learn things that we cannot know in any other way.
14. The pain is there, when you close a door, knock to enter another side.
We can't avoid pain, but we can choose how we react to it.
15. Only the wounded healer can truly heal.
We fully heal when we accept what happened and can put it behind us.
16. We become strangers.
Part of growing up is leaving behind those people who don't walk the same path as you.
17. It is not the truth that is sacred, but the search for our own truth! Is there any act more sacred than self-inquiry.
When we know ourselves completely, we are able to fight for what we want, no matter what others say.
18. The true election, the complete election, can only flourish in the light of truth.
Remember that any choice you make can change your future.
19. Trust in God is not a choice for a man. It is not a human choice, but the search for an illusion external to us.
There are those who cling to his beliefs so as not to be responsible for his actions.
20. Talk to me about dying at the right time. - Live as long as you live!
Instead of giving so much importance to death, we should put all our strength into living.
21. I hate those who steal my solitude without offering me true company in return.
The perfect explanation for 'it is better to be alone than in bad company'.
22. I need magic. I can't live in black and white.
Each person lives his life the way he perceives the world.
23. The anguish of death is the mother of all religions that, in one way or another, try to temper the anguish of our finitude.
A reflection on that eternal punishment or reward after death that is explained in all religions.
24. I should have become a me before I became a we.
If you are not well with yourself, your problems will affect your life as a couple.
25. The less lived your life, the greater your anxiety about death.
Only those who do not do what they love are the ones who fear death the most.
26. In that letter I said that there was a basic division among men: those who aspire to spiritual peace, for whom happiness lies in believing and embracing faith; and those who seek the truth, who put aside peace of mind and dedicate their lives to research.
Two types of people and their choices to live.
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27. There are those who cannot loosen their own chains and yet can free their friends.
It happens when people don't think they deserve happiness, unlike their friends, who deserve everything.
28. We are all creatures of a day; both the one who remembers and the one remembered.
It is the present that we live, not the past or the future.
29. Imagining endings can help us face the present with more vitality.
Analyzing the possible destinations that await you helps you make better decisions.
30. All actions are self-directed, all service is selfish, all love is selfish.
We are selfish by nature because we always expect something in return for what we do.
31. I dream of a love that is more than two people longing to possess each other.
Love is not possession, it is sharing the freedom to create a new world.
32. Someday soon, maybe forty years from now, there will be no one alive who has known me. That's when I'll be truly dead, when I exist in no memory.
When no one remembers us anymore, is that when we will really be dead?
33. Look out the other's window. Try to see the world as your patient sees you.
The secret behind therapeutic sessions.
34. Anxiety about the death of many people is fed... by the disappointment of never having reached its potential.
It is knowing that our time is limited and we have not done what we have always wanted.
35. Each person owns his own death. And everyone had to deal with it as they saw fit.
Death is a personal experience and everyone has their way of seeing it.
36. Sooner or later she had to give up hope of a better past.
Giving up the desired past that we did not have allows us to pursue a better future.
37. Love is a way of being, a giving, not falling in love, a way of relating in general, not an act limited to a single person.
We can love in thousands of ways, not just as a romantic love.
38. When we are orphaned, there is no one between us and the grave.
A reflection on not having anyone else around us to remember us.
39. One thing that is clear to me is that it is important not to let your life live you.
If we let things pass over us, we are actually letting them lose.
40. Dissect your motives in greater depth. You will discover that no one has ever done anything entirely for others.
Before you focus on someone else, try to work on yourself.
41. The evidence supporting the effectiveness of group therapy and the prevailing sentiment in the mental health profession is strong enough to make it difficult to defend the adequacy of the inpatient unit that attempted to operate without a program of small groups.
It is always easier to face something or heal if it is shared with someone who understands your situation.
42. Self-awareness is a supreme gift, a treasure as precious as life. This is what makes us human.
It is what differentiates us from other species, our ability to know how to act and understand others.
43. It takes chaos and frenzy within you to give birth to a dancing star.
All the noise that disturbs us inside can be a great source of inspiration.
44. Although the stones cannot hear or see, they all sadly beg not to be forgotten.
Memory is what makes us immortal.
45. Not taking possession of your life project is letting your existence be an accident.
The importance of creating an action plan for our future.
46. More in love with desire than with what is desired.
There are things that we want to have and when we have them, they lose their attractiveness.
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47. Death, however, itches. It itches all the time. It is always with us, scratching at some inner door.
We all think about death at some point.
48. As long as one is responsible for his life, one is alone.
You will see that not everyone around you will always be there when you decide to improve yourself.
49. Now I believe that fears are not born of darkness; rather, fears are like stars: always there, but obscured by the glare of daylight.
Fears live within us, the important thing is that they do not dominate us.
50. Life as a therapist is a life of service in which we daily transcend our personal desires and transform our gaze on the needs and growth of others.
His experience as a therapist and what it means to him.
51. I must avoid being one of those who are called good because they have no claws.
There are those who disguise themselves as nice to get a personal benefit.
52. Consciousness is just a translucent film that covers existence: the triune eye sees through it, glimpsing primitive forces, the instincts, the true engine of the will to power.
An interpretation of what consciousness means.
53. All vision is relative, as is all knowledge. We invent our experiences. And what we invent we can destroy.
We can change the way we see the world.
54. Our existence is forever shadowed by the knowledge that we will grow, flourish, and inevitably decay and die.
A reflection on what we focus more on that someday we will die instead of enjoying the life we have now.
55. I do not leave any personal views on religion because I want to take away something that offers comfort to the patient. I never want to take something away from him when I have nothing better to offer him in some way.
Sometimes a person's religion is his way of expressing the hopes he has.
56. Life is a spark between two identical voids, the darkness before birth and the darkness after death.
A spark that we expand as we grow.
57. Isn't it the job of a good father to allow his children to leave home?
A good father is one who teaches his children to be independent.
58. Death loses its terror when one dies, when he has consummated his life.
At the exact moment when we leave, it is that we leave behind our ties.
59. There are borders and there are borders. Labels make people violent.
When you're cornered your whole life, it's hard for you to aspire to anything more than being aggressive.
60. Desperation is the price one pays for self-awareness. Look deep into life and you will always find despair.
The more we understand how the world is run, the hopelessness grows.
61. If we climb high enough we will reach a height from which the tragedy will no longer seem tragic.
The tragedy loses its impact when there are more happy moments that fill us.
62. Dying is hard. I have always felt that the ultimate reward of the dead is never to die again!
Live forever in the minds of those they loved or touched in one way or another.
63. One becomes the father of oneself or remains the eternal son.
If you choose to be independent or to be dependent on someone else.
64. Many people are desperate because their dreams haven't come true, and even more desperate because they haven't come true.
An infinite loop of despair that does not allow us to find a way out.
65. The time is about to come when you will have forgotten everything; and the time is about to come when everyone will have forgotten about you.
Sooner or later everything comes to an end.
66. It is wrong to have children out of necessity, it is wrong to use a child to relieve loneliness, it is wrong to provide purpose in life by reproducing another copy of oneself,
That will only create a chain of damage and pain for future generations.
67. I wonder who that person will be for me. Whose death will make me truly dead?
Who will be the last person to remember us?
68. Everything is ephemeral: both memory and the object of memory.
Things come and go, no matter how long they last.
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69. Reality is not something that is available on the outside but something that each of us constructs, or fabricates, to a significant degree.
Reality is what we understand of the world we see.
70. Life is a miserable thing. I have decided to spend my life thinking about it.
Each person decides how he sees his life.
71. Always think that soon you will be nobody and you will not be anywhere.
Accepting our death should lead us to focus on enjoying our life.
72. Now she must learn to face his life and have the courage to say, "That's what I chose." The spirit of a man is built based on his decisions.
With each thing you choose, you must bear the consequences of this.
73. Depth is often the starting point for overcoming death anxiety.
A way to remove the fear of dying.
74. Mature love is loving, not being loved.
Do you agree with this idea?
75. If one does not live at the right time, then he can never die at the right time.
Who does not live his life fully, will not be able to rest in peace.
76. I'm listening. Sometimes I see better with my eyes closed.
Our eyes often deceive us, so we must learn to listen.
77. One of the main functions of a friend is to suffer, in a sweeter and more symbolic way, the punishments that we wanted and could not inflict on our enemies.
Do our friends pay for the anger we feel?
78. Do not argue - you will lose; And even if you win, you will lose.
You always have to know who to face and the moments when it is better to remain silent.
79. Such a choice, another's choice for the supernatural, is always debilitating. It always makes a man less than he is.
The power inflicted by our mystical beliefs.
80. You become who you are, and how can you discover who and what you are without the truth?
You cannot become who you want to be if you do not fully know yourself.
81. Our responsibility in life is to create the higher, not to reproduce the lower.
We must try to improve and not fall behind.
82. Some day soon, perhaps forty years from now, there will be no one alive who has known me. That's when I'll be truly dead, when I exist in no one's memory
Is true death to stop being remembered?
83. In a study we did on bereavement, we found that a fairly impressive number of widows and widowers had not simply returned to their pre-loss functioning, but had become cultivated.
People are never the same after facing a loss.
84. Whether I live long or short, I am alive now, in this moment.
The time doesn't matter, but what we do in it.
85. Caring for another individual means knowing and experiencing the other as fully as possible.
A deep relationship that only continues to grow.
86. The obsession with love often serves as a distraction, keeping the individual's gaze from more painful thoughts.
Being eternally in love prevents a real commitment from being created in a relationship and breaks with any difficulties that arise.
87. Therapists have a double role: they must observe and participate in the lives of their patients
The work in which therapists engage.
88. I flourish for my own good, because I like it, and not for the good of others. My joy consists in my being and in my flourishing.
Get better for yourself and for yourself, not thinking about others.
89. We delight not only in our patient's growth, but also in the ripple effect: the healthy influence our patients have on those they touch in life.
The favorable result that every specialist wants to achieve with his patients.
90. The desire to put oneself in God's hands is not the truth. It's just a childish wish.
One of the main and most deeply rooted ideas of Nietchze.
91. It is easier to avoid something when it is told from the outside than when it comes from the depths of one's being.
We tend to listen to the opinion of others more than our own voice.
92. If we are unable to embrace our own loneliness, we will use the other as a shield against our loneliness.
The danger of seeing loneliness as something negative.
93. As long as there is ignorance there will be adherence to superstition. Dispelling ignorance is the only solution.
Ignorance is the evil that creates harmful preconceptions for everyone.
94. The past is part of your present consciousness; it forms the spectacles through which you experience the present.
You should never ignore the past but you should never cling to it either.
95. Creating oneself is a source of great pride, but it also creates a feeling of being groundless.
There is nothing wrong with focusing on our own growth.
96. When a man is prey to emotion he is not master of himself, but rather he is at the mercy of fortune.
About how necessary it is to learn to manage our emotions.
97. If he kills God, he must also leave the shelter of the temple.
You can not leave something but with the need to return.
98. I love what makes us more than we are!
We all have the ability to be better versions of who we are now.
99. I believe that although illusion often cheers and comforts, in the end it invariably weakens and constrains the spirit.
When we cling to a lie we are not able to get ahead on our own.
100. The more you fail to experience your life fully, the more you will fear death.
The real reason why death is a constant threat.
