7 Common Mistakes When Setting Limits on Teens

Adolescence is a stage of life in which signs of rebellion and defiance of the authority of peers are common. fathers and mothers, and that is why in the houses in which there are sons or daughters in these ages it can be quite a challenge to set rules.

In this sense, here we will review several common mistakes when setting limits on teenagers, also seeing an explanation of why these situations should be avoided when applying parenting and education strategies at home.

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7 Common Parenting Mistakes When Setting Limits for Teens

It is clear that no one is born knowing what the best strategies are for raising a child. adolescent and this aspect of life is too complex for us not to make mistakes from time to time from time to time; There is nothing wrong with not being exactly an ultra-efficient and perfect father or mother in everything that is done in front of the youngest in the house.

Now, you must keep in mind that the way in which people set limits and norms to regulate the behavior of adolescent children is a key aspect of parenting, and avoiding certain common mistakes can have a very positive impact on coexistence and psychological development, even in the short and medium term. Let's see what they are.

1. Set very abstract rules

This is possibly the most common mistake. Setting excessively ambiguous and abstract rules, such as "be good to your brother", only leaves room for maneuver so that they continue to occur problems, since there are no references about what the limits of that rule are to comply with and, given the lack of information, each one adopts the interpretation that best suits them. it suits.

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2. Establish rules that are really sermons

Rules should be relatively short and easy to express in a few words, since, otherwise they forget. It is important to distinguish between the norm itself and the explanation that surrounds it, which brings us to the next common error in limit setting.

3. Not explaining what the rules mean

Norms must be supported by an argument about why they exist, because otherwise Otherwise they will be seen simply as an imposition and a demonstration of power by the Adults. This, in turn, predisposes the adolescent to rebel against these attempts to impose apparently arbitrary rules.

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4. Not explaining the reason for the punishments

Punishments, which should never be physical or based on violence, must always be accompanied by an explanation of why; that is, why the adolescent has behaved badly and what are the consequences of these inappropriate behaviors. In this way, the other person will understand our point of view more.

5. not be consistent

A norm that is not applied is, in practice, a norm that does not exist. That is why it is essential that we be realistic when thinking about what those rules will be to comply with, avoid making them very easy or very difficult, and that if the latter occurs, we will end up throwing in the towel when trying to apply them due to the inconvenience generated by having to punish or criticize the behavior of the adolescent over and over again. again. Similarly, the punishment should not be too exaggerated because, among other things, at the time of applying it we will not feel comfortable with it and we will act as if nothing had happened.

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6. don't set an example

Although some rules only make sense when applied to minors, others make sense for all family members; and it is important to set an example in relation to this last type of rules to be complied with. This means striving not to get out of those patterns of behavior and, in case we ever make a mistake and fail to comply with them, show that we are aware that we have done wrong. In this way we will not evaluate these norms and, at the same time, we will make it so that in the mind of the adolescent, complying with them is associated with the idea of ​​being a mature, adult person.

7. Turn criticism into fight

We must not take it for granted that every time we apply the rules when we see some non-compliance there will be a fight to see who is right. Our role in these situations is rather to inform and provide support in the face of the possible problem that has generated this bad behavior; the rules, once we have set them, are something alien to us, and when behaving accordingly it is important to adopt a constructive attitude and critical towards the actions, not towards the person.

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Do you want professional psychological support?

If you need professional support for problems such as stress or parenting problems with teenagers at home, I invite you to contact me.

My name is Thomas Saint Cecilia and I am a psychologist specializing in intervention from the cognitive-behavioral model; I attend adults, adolescents and families both in person at my practice located in Madrid and through video call sessions.