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Demisexuality: what it is and how to know if you are

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For a long time there was no word to describe people who didn't experience romantic attraction in the same way that most people do. People who only become sexually attracted to someone after getting to know them better, spend time with him and form a strong emotional connection.

Finally a word has been created for this: demisexuality. In this article we will talk about what it is, how to know if you are and the difference between demisexuality and panromanticism.

  • Related article: "What is sexual identity?"

What is demisexuality?

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by experiencing sexual attraction only after having formed an emotional bond with someone. This means that demisexual people are not sexually attracted to someone unless they have already formed a close emotional connection with that person.

So how can you tell if you're demisexual? If you identify with any of the following characteristics, you may be demisexual:

  • You are not sexually attracted to anyone unless you form an emotional bond with them first.
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  • It takes longer than most people to develop feelings of sexual attraction.
  • You are usually only sexually attracted to people who are your close friends
  • Is more interested in intimacy than sexual activity
  • You find it hard to be sexually attracted to someone you don't know well
  • You are only sexually attracted to one person at a time

It is important to remember that there is no right way to experience sexual attraction. If you don't identify with any of the above characteristics, that doesn't mean you're not demisexual. Sexuality is fluid, which means that people's attractions and orientations can change over time. Even if you don't consider yourself demisexual now, you may in the future.

On the other hand, there are famous people who identify as demisexual, for example:

  • Evan Rachel Wood
  • Shailene Woodley
  • Megan fox

Actress Evan Rachel Wood came out as demisexual in 2011, saying she doesn't "really feel sexual attraction" unless she's "emotionally connected to someone." Shailene Woodley has also spoken of her experience as a demisexual woman, saying that it takes her a long time to develop romantic feelings for someone. Likewise, actress Megan Fox has said that she is only sexually attracted to "one person in her life."

  • You may be interested: "Sex therapy: what is it and what are its benefits"

What is the difference between panromanticism and demisexuality?

Now that we've covered what demisexuality is and how to tell if you're demisexual, let's talk about the difference between demisexuality and panromanticism.

Panromanticism is a romantic orientation characterized by the ability to feel romantic attraction to people of either sex. Demisexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by feeling sexual attraction only after forming an emotional bond with someone.

Thus, pan-romanticism and demisexuality are often seen as two sides of the same coin, since both imply not feeling an automatic romantic or sexual attraction.

  • Related article: "What is love? (And what isn't)"

Is being demisexual a problem?

No, there is nothing wrong with being demisexual. It is simply a sexual orientation that is characterized by not feeling an automatic sexual attraction to someone.

Some people may see it as a problem because they feel they are not "normal" or "attractive enough," but there's nothing wrong with being demisexual. You are as normal and attractive as anyone else. Accept your sexuality and be proud of who you are.

  • Maybe interested: "9 habits to emotionally connect with someone"

the gay flag

The demisexual flag was created in 2010 by a user of the AVEN website (Asexual Visibility and Education Network). The flag consists of three stripes: grey, black and purple. Gray represents those who do not feel sexual attraction; black, those who do not feel romantic attraction; and purple, those who feel romantic and sexual attraction only after forming an emotional bond.

flag of demisexuality

If you are interested in reading more about demisexuality, we recommend These books:

  • The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality, by Julie Sondra Decker
  • Asexuality: Hidden sexual orientation, by Anthony Bogaert
  • understanding asexuality, by Lori Brotto and Morag Yule.

These are all great resources that can help you learn more about demisexuality and asexuality.

Thank you for reading! We hope this has helped answer some of your questions about demisexuality.

If you have any more questions feel free to ask in the comments below. If you think you may be demisexual and want to talk to someone about it, AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) has a forum where you can talk to other demisexual people.

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