How to deal with loneliness due to not having a partner?
Aug 25, 2022
Some people experience unwanted loneliness by linking it to not having a partner. This causes them, in turn, to develop a dysfunctional way of relating to other people, either because of the constant search for a partner and/or because of the belief that others disapprove of their state of being. singleness.
As we will see, this experience of suffering from loneliness due to not having a partner is based on a mirage, but regardless of if it adjusts more or less to reality, it is undeniable that there is an emotional discomfort before which it is necessary to take measures. For this reason, in this article we will delve into this phenomenon and we will see some guidelines and advice that you can apply to your day to day to better manage your emotions and your personal relationships if you suffer from this issue.
- Related article: "Anuptophobia: the irrational fear of being single"
What is loneliness for not having a partner?
The first thing to be clear about is that This form of loneliness does not follow from the fact of not having a partner, although when we suffer it it seems that it does.
The myth of the better half is that, a myth that is kept running generation after generation not because it indicates a truth about human nature, but because it reinforces a series of stereotypes and roles of gender. The truth is that human beings generally need frequent human contact, the possibility of connecting emotionally with other people who remain in our lives, but they do not have to adopt the figure of "boyfriend", "girlfriend", "husband" or "wife".
So… What is loneliness for not having a partner? It is actually a kind of unwanted loneliness that has not been well "diagnosed" by us. We assume that the problem is not having a partner, and that causes us to enter a vicious circle of loneliness, because we learn to relate to others through emotional dependence and the management of the shame that generates us "being alone”. Now, it is possible to get out of this circular dynamic.
- You may be interested: "Unwanted loneliness: what it is and how we can combat it"
Possible causes and triggers
What is it that leads some people to suffer this type of loneliness that they perceive in a distorted way? These are the main causes and triggers.
1. Social expectations related to heteronormativity
As I have anticipated, there are a series of prejudices, stereotypes and beliefs strongly rooted in the culture that lead to look badly at those who do not have a partner, something that feeds the fear of not having a partner and predisposes to attribute unwanted loneliness to this fact.
Here, gender roles play a fundamental role, which is why this cause usually has special importance in the case of women, since there is more pressure for them not to continue being single from the second stage of their youth.
- Related article: "Gender stereotypes: this is how they reproduce inequality"
2. family pressures
This is a more "micro" version of what we have seen in the previous point; In this case, the person feels pressured by the family to find a partner soon, something that greatly affects their self-esteem and intensifies the feeling of not having anyone to act as emotional support.
3. Low self-esteem
Complexes with one's own body and insecurity in valuing our social skills (for example, the ability to have fluid and fun conversations with people we still know little) are two of the main pillars of low self-esteem linked to loneliness due to not having a partner.
- You may be interested: "Low selfsteem? When you become your own worst enemy
4. fear of rejection
Even people who feel good about their own bodies and have well-developed social skills may feel a wall between them and the rest of the people due to the fear of experiencing rejection, something that, if it is very intense, makes them never dare to take the initiative when seducing, meeting interesting people, etc.
- Related article: "Fear of rejection: that's how it isolates us from other people"
Tips for coping with loneliness due to not having a partner
These are some general tips that can help you overcome this form of loneliness, although the most effective measure is to go to psychotherapy.
1. Apply assertiveness to those who are pressuring you
As we have seen, many times there are people around us who, even without intending or realizing it, make us grow insecurities and needs that are not real. That's why, The first step is to tell them that you are not satisfied with that situation..
- You may be interested: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"
2. Dig deeper into the relationships you already have
Do not underestimate those links that you already have; breaks with the inertia of always speaking the same way and in the same contexts with those people and be interested in connecting with them.
3. Create new meaningful relationships by letting go of the pressure to find a partner
Assuming that by meeting these people you are not being evaluated as a potential boyfriend or girlfriend will allow you to release tension and behave in a more genuine and spontaneous way, something that in turn helps make those conversations more enjoyable and flow better.
4. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness will help you relocate yourself in the "here and now" by letting go of intrusive thoughts and catastrophic predictions that lead you to self-sabotage and generate a state of anguish constant. It is a resource that it helps you not to avoid your problems, but to see them through a new look free of old formulas that do not bring you anything constructive.
5. Develop a personal project that excites you and that entails loneliness
If you develop a hobby that gives you goals in the medium and long term and poses a significant challenge for you, you will stop associating loneliness so much with the concept of "wasting time"; what's more will allow you to develop very valuable self-leadership skills to strengthen your self-esteem.
- Related article: "Personal Development: 5 reasons for self-reflection"
Looking for psychotherapy services?
If you are going through difficult times due to forms of emotional discomfort such as unwanted loneliness or low self-esteem, I invite you to contact me.
My name is Lorraine Irribarra, I am a Psychologist and Certified Instructor in Mindfulness, and I offer you both psychotherapy sessions and training programs in self-leadership, Mindfulness and self-esteem management. In addition, I can help you both in person and online by video call.