Carolina Marín: "Sharing nourishes the relationship as a couple"

The concept of psychological therapy usually evokes the image of a person alone in front of her therapist, but beyond the individual psychotherapy, couples therapy is a form of intervention widely used in cabinets and centers of psychology.

However, there are few people who, without having gone, understand how it works, and that is why there are marriages and courtships that even needing the help of professionals, do not consider the possibility of resorting to these services.

• Related article: "Couple crisis: 7 signs that indicate that something is not right"

Interview with Carolina Marín: this is couples therapy

Carolina Marin She is a psychologist based in Seville and specialized in psychotherapy for adults, as well as couples therapy. In this interview she tells us about the keys to understanding the therapy process they go through couples who are going through bad times, are in crisis or seek to improve specific aspects of their relationship.

As a professional, what are the main problems for which, according to what you have observed, couples come to your office?

They are usually problems related to the conflicts that arise daily in the coexistence. Every day we have less tolerance for stress, and couples who do not have a foundation based on understanding, respect and effective communication, begin to fail when faced with conflicts.

They also come for problems of infidelity, lies, relationship problems with children and even conflicts related to the family of one of the members.

Is it common to need individualized sessions, in addition to those carried out in couples?

It depends on how the professional approaches it. In my case, after almost 20 years of practice, I think it is an essential condition. One because the patient psychologist bond is a determining factor for change, and two because having individual sessions accelerates the process in couple relationships.

There is always a member of the couple who wants to have an individual session, although they do not dare to ask for it out of fear. It is when the professional, and according to his experience, must be attentive to be able to assess the need, and give the opportunity if he deems it appropriate.

In what situations is it clear right from the start that it doesn't make sense to do couples therapy? And in which ones are there more signs that the relationship is going to be strengthened again, helped by the therapeutic process?

There is no manual as such to know if a couple will succeed or not. I have found everything, experience is a degree, and in the interviews that are held they can make it easier for you to get an idea of ​​the couple's health.

In any case, it depends a lot on the attitude of each one, the experience of the professional and the work capacity they have.

I have been able to help solve very complex infidelities and yet, in situations of misunderstanding, I have found one of them did not want to continue with the relationship, with which the casuistry is very diverse, and depends a lot on how the couple presents themselves and if they really want to go ahead with their project.

There are no determining factors that indicate that they will succeed, this is not mathematics, it is very complex to define evolution.

Taking into account the role of couples therapists, is it difficult to maintain neutrality and not show signs of siding with one of the members of the couple?

We are supposed to be professionals and we are trained for it. Neutrality is essential in our profession, and you should never take sides. After all, we are the ones who provide them with the tools to be able to make decisions and thus improve the relationship.

But we never give advice, beyond a psychoeducational intervention. We professionals cannot make a value judgment, because then we will not be professionals and we must make it clear from the beginning, which is why it is very The first framing session is important, we cannot fall into certain traps or place ourselves in depending on which part, because it would no longer be psychology, it would be another stuff.

We always comment among colleagues that we find ourselves very intrusive in our profession. And unfortunately there is still lax legislation in these cases and ignorance on the part of patients when choosing a professional.

Nobody would think of treating a broken tibia with a professional who is not a doctor in traumatology, since it exactly happens in our profession. If you need to go to couples psychotherapy, choose the professional well, who has proven experience and training commensurate with the practice of the profession.

What is usually the process by which the initial problem is solved through therapy sessions? What are the first signs of improvement?

Several indicators can be given. For example, the improvement of communication, the approach of the couple, the degree of empathy and understanding with which they treat each other.

When the couple evolves, they begin to meet again, and they understand that working as a team, with respect, empathy and communication makes life much easier. When couples learn it through different techniques, there is usually a palpable improvement.

Finally... do you think that society in general should lose its fear of the idea of ​​going to couples therapy, or is this already over?

There is no couple that has come to my consultation that always ends up commenting, we should have come before, or it should even be mandatory when a couple decides to join. In psychotherapy, not only problems or conflicts are treated, but it is a continuous learning process, where each one goes introjecting a new way of facing life, seeking a balance between one's own needs and the needs of the own partner.

In this way, sharing is a conscious decision where the relationship of a couple is nurtured, within respect. We join a person, in a life project to nurture ourselves and grow as people, if that does not happen, it is that something is not right.

Couples must understand that the path together must be facilitative, as a team, if there is no feeling of team, unity, support it is difficult for the couple to move forward or at least to be pleasant. Living in conflict is not healthy, it does not contribute and it destroys.