The 8 steps to survive an awkward conversation

Whether you're thinking of telling your co-worker about her personal hygiene issue, or You must face a dramatic situation in which someone needs you to comfort them because something serious has happened. happened, you may feel pushed to remain silent.

It is natural, since These kinds of conversations are usually really awkward..

How to deal with an awkward interaction?

When there is a subject from which it is inevitable to slip away and we are not able to articulate a speech towards that person, the discomfort and environmental tension can increase.

Once you are determined to face the situation, Do not forget these tips that will help you ensure that the pending conversation does not become a bad drink.

1. Avoid silences

The research reveal that, after just four seconds of awkward silence, our anxiety levels skyrocket. Also, the more anxious you sit down, the harder it will be for you to articulate the words.

To avoid this you should, as far as possible, plan the interaction a little in advance

. If you know what you want to communicate, your message will be clear and clear and you will save yourself the discomfort caused by a broken conversation and the dreaded silences.

2. Talk in an intimate place

It is not a good idea to have a relevant conversation in a crowded place with distractions (people nearby, noise...). Find a private place where you can feel relaxed and where there are no people who can hear you or interfere.

If it is the other person who starts talking about that uncomfortable topic before you, suggest that they find a comfortable place to discuss it in confidence and without external interference.

3. Take a sit

When you have to talk about an uncomfortable topic, It is a good idea that we are resting on a sofa or chair. We will feel more comfortable, especially if the subject is thorny or can give rise to a significant emotional shock.

This is an aspect that we discussed in the post: “How to deliver bad news? 12 emotional keys”

When you sit next to (or in front of) the other person, try to be at the same height. If you stay standing and the other person is sitting, you will give an image of superiority that can be very negative for the good of the interaction.

4. It starts with a touch of attention

Tough talk can be just as incisive, but better received if you use a wake-up call beforehand. For example, instead of saying: "Miguel, the other workers can't stand more than a minute near you", you can start with a sentence that softens the context, such as: "Miguel, what I'm going to tell you may be a little difficult to take in."

This nuance gives the other person a few seconds to mentally and emotionally prepare for what you will tell them in a moment.

5. Accept your discomfort as normal

Trying to deny the discomfort can cause the opposite effect than desired. We can still feel more uncomfortable with the situation we must face. If you feel somewhat shaky, restless and are unable to maintain eye contact with your interlocutor... accept that you are a little nervous.

It is highly recommended that, in a situation of this type, you can say a phrase that makes the discomfort shared with the interlocutor known. For example: "I feel a little uncomfortable talking about this." This it will make your interlocutor empathize with you and it is likely that the level of discomfort will decrease.

6. Be polite but also direct

It is essential that you manage to express yourself correctly and trying not to be disrespectful. This is basic advice: you must be careful if you want your message to reach a good port. However, you can run the risk of softening your words to the limit and this can generate a weak message that is not received with the necessary forcefulness by your interlocutor.

Therefore, it is interesting that you stick to the facts, use your assertiveness and send a clear message, without too much circumlocution and going straight to the root of the matter.

7. Practice active listening

Communication is a matter of two. You must allow your interlocutor to process the information that you have just sent him, calmly. To be a good listener It is important that you are receptive when listening to the other person's answer., trying to share the matter and trying to resolve some points or misunderstandings.

If what you just expressed is especially harsh, be prepared for the other person to experience (and express) strong emotions. These can range from embarrassment or sadness, to fear wave gonna. In any case, you should try to make the person feel that they have support in you, and give them time so that they can face the situation.

Know more: "Active listening: the key to communicate with others"

8. Bring the conversation to a clear end

The awkward conversations They can also become endless and exhausting situations where quarrels or issues from the past can be brought up, leading us to an even more uncomfortable and absurd situation that only results in more discomfort and confusion.

To avoid this, you must have prepared in advance a way to close the conversation in a clear way and concise, in addition to explaining what we hope will result from the conversation. In this way we will be "closing the situation" and sending a specific and unequivocal message about the meaning of the interaction. If you want the other person to explain, let them know. If you want the conversation to just end, say so too.

Bibliographic references:

• Koudenburg, N., et al., Disrupting the flow: How brief silences in group conversations affect social needs, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (2011), doi: 10.1016/j.jesp.2010.12.006