What are the implications for parenting of the 4 attachment styles?

Attachment Theory had its beginnings in the 1960s thanks to the contributions of the British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby. At the end of World War II, Bowlby devoted himself to studying the effect of maternal deprivation on children left without a family. (Gago, 2014). His discoveries concluded that as human beings we have a predisposition to establish an emotional bond strong and essential with a primary caregiver, who guarantees our survival and provides us with security and Connection.

This first affective relationship will play an essential role in the configuration of internal models psychics, which regulate the interaction with our environment both in the present and in the future. Thus, in a practical sense, this theory has been an indispensable tool for understanding the emotional pain and personality disorders that occur when these ties are seen threatened. Subsequently, this emotional discomfort can manifest as anxiety, depression, anger, low self-esteem, addictions, toxic relationships and else.

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Attachment styles and implications for parenting

Later, the contributions made by Mary Ainsworth (1969) with the Strange Situation experiment will enrich this theory, allowing the classification of attachment patterns (López, 2020). The four attachment styles are: secure, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized. Through this article we will see how our personality is shaped by our style of attachment and the repercussions it can have on our children.

1. secure attachment

Securely attached people show the ability to have healthy and lasting relationships. A correct development of trust towards others and in their environment allows them to: enjoy intimacy with other people, seek support when they need it, share their feelings openly, have good self-esteem and value their autonomy and independence.

Securely attached parents learn very quickly to read their baby's cues, are emotionally available, and respond to her needs in a constant, warm, and empathetic way. They seek permanent connection, and yet they understand that their children are different beings from them. with their own wants and needs, so these parents function as a “safe base” that makes it easy for their children to explore the world around them with ease and confidence. These children manage to adapt to the changes without major complications and with a very low level of anxiety.

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2. Insecure attachment: anxious-ambivalent

People with anxious-ambivalent attachment are characterized by low self-esteem and little confidence in their relationships with others. They are insecure and dependent people, very afraid of abandonment and rejection and with an extreme need of attention and affection. In addition, they live emotions very intensely to the point of feeling that they cannot control them.

Anxious-ambivalently attached parents are sometimes available and sometimes not. Their care is characterized by being inconstant, which produces insecurity and distrust in the baby, who does not know what to expect from them. They have a lot of difficulty managing the emotions of the baby and often blame him for their problems and negative emotions. These parents are emotionally dependent on their children and constantly seek the affirmation that they are loved by them, this generates feelings of jealousy, instability and fear of abandonment. In the same way, children explore the world with worry, mistrust, and high levels of anxiety.

3. insecure attachment: avoidant

People with avoidant attachment show great difficulty in establishing deep and stable relationships. They are characterized by being excessively independent and by their inability to express their feelings and ask for help when they need it. These people have learned that feelings of anguish bring rejection and contempt.; therefore, no longer expect anything from anyone. In addition, they have a pessimistic idea of ​​love, they do not tolerate emotional intimacy and they are uncomfortable with physical contact and affective manifestations.

Avoidantly attached parents ignore their baby's emotional needs, as the constant demand for her becomes threatening and intrusive. They relate to the baby with a mixture of anguish, revulsion and annoyance. Meanwhile, the children do not show discomfort due to the separation and return of their caregivers, a situation that is often misinterpreted as calm; however, children suffer, but do not express it. This lack of bond causes a defensive reaction in the children, who They have learned from an early age that no one will attend to their needs.. These children often feel a deep loneliness and this generates high levels of stress and anguish, which they suppress under the facade of being emotionally self-sufficient.

4. insecure attachment: disorganized

People with disorganized attachment show a serious internal imbalance. It is considered a relational model of a chaotic nature. They are people who grew up in a hostile, threatening environment and without any kind of emotional support. Therefore, they have internalized that they are bad people, that they deserve the mistreatment they received and that violence is normal in their various relationships. These people may display characteristics of hypervigilance, post-traumatic stress disorder, dissociation, and a complete lack of understanding of their emotions and those of others.

Disorganized attachment parents have severe parenting disability. They are generally characterized as aggressive, unpredictable, and perplexing parents. Consequently, the child feels terror towards his attachment figure and his environment. In addition, faced with a distressing situation, these children experience an emotional collapse. This is considered the attachment style with the worst prognosis, since it is the most destabilizing and as a result it can produce serious psychiatric pathologies.

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Reorganization of attachment patterns

Patterns acquired during childhood have a profound influence on adult behavior. Therefore, it is essential to work on an attachment reorganization with people who show signs of insecure attachment in order to prevent the intergenerational transmission of trauma.

Within a therapeutic encounter it is possible to heal and correct these relational patterns, guaranteeing optimal emotional, social and psychological development for ourselves and future generations.