What to do about friends who ignore you, in 5 steps

Friendship, many times, has diffuse limits. Some friends need to see each other almost every day to feel good, and others can get by seeing once a year.

Precisely for this reason, sometimes there are situations of ambiguity or in which a slight conflict becomes entrenched and results in a refusal to speak to solve it. This is what happens when one friend ignores another, or when both ignore each other. Faced with this type of experience, it is difficult to know what to do and how to correct the situation, or even to know if it is worth investing efforts to correct it.

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What to do when a friend ignores me?

When situations of incommunication appear of this type, one must not remain with their arms crossed; the more time passes, the more the problem can worsen, and although it is true that it can be solved by factors external to us, it is better not to tempt fate.

So, follow these tips and adapt them to your case to maximize the chances of clarifying the matter and making reconciliation happen.

1. Objectively analyze the situation

First of all, stop to think if you really have reason to worry. Sometimes the fear of loneliness or rejection can cause us to see mirages, false “danger” situations, and isolation. For example, try to estimate in hours per week or minutes per day how often you interact with that person, and if it's much less than it used to be months ago.

2. Be interested in the possible causes

The uncertainty and discomfort that arise when a friend ignores us can make us feel pretty bad. On the one hand, there is the doubt if that abrupt stop in the communication flow between two people is due to something that has happened (for example, the other has felt offended by something) or by something that has stopped happening (for example, the end of classes, being the university the only space that was shared). It can also be due to a combination of the above, of course.

So, to solve this problem, the first thing is to investigate the possible causes that have triggered it, even if at first we have little information. To do this, a small initial investigation must be carried out, which will consist of rejecting or confirming any suspicion that we have about what is happening, and then ask the other person directly about what is happening to them, choosing a suitable time and place that allows you to speak candidly and private.

3. analyze what happens

In this phase, we must reflect on what is known about the case and see if we have had any responsibility in it. Have we done anything that gives us grounds to discontinue the deal? Does the other person feel bad about something wrong that we have done? Do not forget that, in case this is due to a bad action on our part, these speech withdrawals are something that helps us to reflect on the implications of what we doits effects on other people.

However, you have to be alert not to blame yourself. After all, it is not always our responsibility that others feel bad about something we do.

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4. Deciding if friendship makes sense

When a friend stops talking to us, that gives us information about what they expect from that bond and why they relate to us. So, you have to stop and see with perspective if you really have reasons to stop talking to us or not, taking into account that by doing so you risk losing that friendship.

If you consider that this is a very extreme measure and that there are no valid reasons to do it, it is perfectly legitimate that you rethink if it is worth it to continue worrying about that person for which it seems that you exist rather little.

In case you conclude that it is not, or even that it is simply a strategy to make you feel guilty and that you go after it, generating a bond of dependency, you may have to go through a phase of sadness and mourning, but in the end you will surely do it. you will overcome

5. stop to talk

If until now your role was that of a person who collects information, now is the time to create, to propose. Stay with your friend or friend and let them express themselves. Then express yourself. Negotiating a solution is important so that you both feel comfortable in that friendly relationship.

If the other person doesn't even want to do that, ask yourself to what extent you want to continue insisting to fix things and, once done, let the other person know when you will stop trying to talk and assume the friendship is over definitely. Although it is hard, it is necessary to be clear when a tie has been cut so as not to think about it obsessively, involving hopes that only lead to frustration.