How to prioritize our mental health when managing a grieving process?

In moments of psychological grief, normally triggered by the loss of a relationship with a loved one (whether due to a breakup or the death of that person), it is easy to fall into a dynamic of behaviors that are harmful to oneself and abandon self-care tasks in general.

However, turn the page and Overcoming this stage of mourning involves placing one's own mental health back at the top of our priorities, thus breaking the vicious circle of self-sabotage generated by discomfort and that feeling of intense melancholy. Here we will see some guidelines to achieve it.

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What is the duel?

Grief is a psychological process that people go through after suffering the loss, usually from a loved one, be it a family member, a close friend or a pet. In most situations it is a normal experience linked to an experience that naturally generates discomfort, and should not be seen as a disorder; only in some cases, if it is not well managed, the duel becomes pathological.

Since not all people are the same, the intensity and discomfort of the grieving processes vary depending on each one, mainly from the personal characteristics of the person who suffers from it and the level of attachment they had with the deceased person.

Although grief occurs when a loved one dies, this psychological phenomenon can also be triggered in a multitude of situations. situations of daily life, such as the loss or change of a job, a love break or an emigration process to another country.

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What are the phases of mourning?

Health professionals have spent decades studying the grieving process and have come to the conclusion that most people go through it through five very specific phases or stages.

It is important in this regard to bear in mind that not all phases occur successively and that not everyone goes through each one of them. These are general trends.

Below we present the main phases of grief, as identified by the Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

1. Denial

The first phase of mourning consists of not believing that the loss has occurred or in not being able to perceive said loss as something real that has happened to us.

In the early stages of the grieving process, it is common for many people to have an unreal situation that prevents them from accept what happened, as if they were experiencing the event outside of themselves or as spectators of a movie or series of television.

On top of that, denial can also manifest as a block or freeze of emotions, in such a way that the affected person is unable to express what he feels or does not want to express any of his feelings.

2. Gonna

After the denial, One of the first feelings that emerges in people is anger. for the pain felt, as well as for the frustration and impotence of having lost that loved one.

Often this anger can be directed at a third person, who is the one who is blamed for the loss or towards oneself, in which case the person experiences a spiral of anger towards themselves, pain and desolation.

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3. Negotiation

In the negotiation phase, the person begins to realize the reality of what happened and begins a process of internal reflection in which weigh the possible options that exist to solve the problem.

In most cases the problem has no solution and the only thing that almost always happens is that the person continues suffering, such as in cases of terminal illnesses or in cases of breakups definitive.

4. Depression

In the depression phase is when all the negative feelings of the loss are fully experienced, once this is already conceived as a fait accompli.

The person mainly experiences feelings of grief, desolation, social isolation, pain, nostalgia and loss of interest in everything that surrounds his life in general.

The intensity of these feelings can vary from one person to another depending on their particular characteristics and their personality.

5. Acceptance

The last phase is that of acceptance and occurs when the person reaches a state of peace produced by the rational and emotional understanding that death is a natural phenomenon as natural as life.

This phase is the culmination of the grieving process and when it is reached it can be considered finished.. Acceptance is associated with a state of well-being and a feeling of liberation from all the pain and suffering experienced during the process.

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How can we prioritize our mental health when managing grief?

Here are some tips to deal with grief from the care of one's own mental health, based on decades of study by psychology and health professionals.

1. Request sick leave

People who have gone through or are going through a grieving process need time to rest and it is recommended that stressful or anxiety-producing situations such as work be avoided at all costs during this period.

Asking for sick leave to have a few days of personal care is a way to disconnect for a while and be able to go through grief in the best possible way. Psychological problems are a legitimate reason to miss work, although this must be carried out through the appropriate channels within the labor relations policies contemplated.

It is common for some people to have a feeling of guilt when they stop working, but this must be overcome in pursuit of personal well-being.

2. Perform a symbolic farewell act

Allowing us to carry out a symbolic act of farewell to our loved one is of great support at the psychological, since it allows us to remember who has left us and express everything we felt in a last bye bye.

The symbolic farewell action must be adjusted to our needs, beliefs or principles, and even if only we do it, it will be a good way to say goodbye and have a good memory in the future.

These types of celebrations help us symbolically close the cycle we are going through and allow us to successfully overcome the grieving process.

3. Seek support from others

Seeking the support of other people in the most difficult moments is the best way to overcome grief, as is offer our support to those who are suffering just like us.

The grieving process is a time when people need to help each other, whether they are family or friends, and one that no one should face alone.

On top of that, helping other people who are going through the same situation as us will make us feel better and help us speed up the grieving process.

4. Fill out a personal diary

Fill out a personal diary to better understand what we feel It will allow us to know ourselves better. and have enough data to start the healing process to feel better.

Psychology professionals recommend writing down in detail everything we feel when we are having a bad time, a process that in itself has very important therapeutic effects.

• Related article: "How to make an emotions diary, step by step and with examples"

5. go to psychotherapy

In the event that the intense discomfort continues in a way that causes us problems, going to psychotherapy is the best way to begin to overcome the grieving process.

A professional psychologist specialized in this type of case It will provide us with all kinds of very useful knowledge and practical strategies that we can use in our day to day to successfully complete the duel.

6. Follow a sleep schedule

Sticking to a stable sleep schedule in the weeks or months following the loss will help us sleep better during this period of discomfort.

Having a stable and restful sleep is of great help to successfully overcome this type of process, since emotional and psychological imbalances often affect the quality of sleep.