My partner has depression: what can I do to help?

Relationships imply an important commitment. Therefore, in the event that our sentimental partner is affected by any circumstance, it is natural to provide them with the necessary support to overcome the situation they are going through.

This is something that many people are clear about when facing a certain thought that comes to mind: "My partner has depression, what can I do to help her?".

In this article we will look at some useful tools to offer support when a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife has depression, we will briefly review what this mental disorder is and distinguish depression state from depression feature.

• Related article: "Types of depression: its symptoms and characteristics"

What are depressive symptoms?

Depression can be defined as a mental disorder consisting of intense and prevalent states of sadness and demotivation (apathy). If a person has depression, it is most likely that their partner (if they have it) notices in their daily attitude that something strange is happening.

It is important to establish if it is a depressive state, which would be something temporary; or if, on the contrary, we are in the presence of a depressive trait, which indicates that the behavior associated with depression is more prevalent over time. In any case, these kinds of evaluations can only be done by a mental health professional.

• You may be interested in: "How to find a psychologist to attend therapy: 7 tips"

My partner has depression: what do I do?

When it happens that our partner has depression, the situation is complex, but it must be clear that the problem can be overcome; no one is predestined to suffer emotionally indefinitely. Of course, you should proceed as soon as possible and with professional help. And it is that Although here we see several tips, everything happens by going to psychotherapy. Depression is a severe psychopathology that must be addressed by mental health experts, there are no "shortcuts" that allow you to skip that step.

In addition, it is necessary to determine if it is a case of specific depressive states or if the behavior is persistent, although ultimately it is the therapists who make the diagnosis.

Next, let's see how we should proceed from the role of someone whose partner has or could have depression.

1. Do not downplay the matter, understand that it is a disease

We must avoid underestimating the emotional moment our partner is going through. The thoughts and feelings that afflict her are not on a whim and they should not be seen as personal attacks on others, no matter how much their consequences harm third parties. These symptoms may be due to both organic and social causes.

2. Keep in mind that even if it doesn't seem like it, your partner needs you

The symptoms of depression can make it appear that we are indifferent to our partner, but this is not true. We must understand that their behavior responds to the symptoms, we must not distance ourselves from her, especially when she feels vulnerable.

3. Offer active listening

In most cases, just being there for that person is very supportive. Our partner needs to vent their emotions freely, we need to make her feel comfortable telling us what's wrong with her.

4. don't put pressure

Care must be taken with the words we use when our partner presents a depressive picture, there are phrases that can be counterproductive. It is best to propose clear activities, avoiding phrases like "be calm" or "that has to go away" which can sound like a demand and a call to do nothing to feel better.

5. Put yourself in the other's place

This refers to providing the greatest possible empathy, taking into account that things that are simple for you can be complicated for your partner. For example, going shopping or preparing a meal at home is often a challenge for someone with depression, due to a lack of motivation and energy.

6. Do not blame yourself for what you suffer

As we've already mentioned, it's not your partner's fault that you're depressed, and it's not your fault either. Do not think that their behavior is due to personal reasons related to you or for which you are the person responsible. Depression is beyond the control of those who experience it directly and their close circle.

7. Avoid creating false expectations

We must take into account that the solution will not come overnight. It is a personal and gradual process, in which our partner must realize and face the situation at their own pace. Do not rush looking for easy or quick solutions, as this will only cause more frustration.

8. Keep close

Let your partner see that you are interested in her, show her that despite her situation she can count on you and that you are there to support her, without becoming invasive or demanding. Just support her through your understanding and company.

9. Relieves emotional tension

It tries to serve as a means for him or her to drain the pressure and the stress caused by depression and family, academic or work situations that may be triggering factors for more intense depressive episodes. Try to lighten that load on your partner.

10. Avoid reproaches

Do not reproach him for not wanting to get out of bed, or for his lack of appetite. Remember that you are being the victim of a symptom that affects the functioning of your nervous system. It encourages change from assertiveness and not from the claim, which is counterproductive in these cases.

11. Encourage her to seek help

Without it being a requirement or an imposition, we can make our loved one interested in seeking professional help. Explaining the benefits and telling her that therapy can help her get better are good ways to do this.

• Related article: "The 8 benefits of going to psychological therapy"

12. Congratulations on your progress

On the occasions when your partner makes efforts to overcome depression and achieves his goals, for small that may seem to someone who is not going through that, you have to congratulate him and show him that we too recognize that milestone.

13. Accompany her to therapy

Attending therapy with our partner has an important meaning in terms of the support component that we provide. Us we can be part of the support team for our partner (as a new patient who is taking her first steps in terms of therapy), which includes family members, the therapist, and if necessary, also the psychiatrist.

Of course, psychological therapy should be an essential factor in the recovery process of people with depression. It is not an accessory aid, it is one of the fundamental pillars of improving mood, and a support that contributes significantly to the cessation of symptoms, even the most severe ones (such as ideation suicide).

For this reason, someone who wants to help their partner with depression must act on two fronts: accompany that loved one at that moment in her life, and help you commit to therapy and apply the indications of the mental health professionals who are in charge of monitoring the treatment.

final recommendation

Finally, it is important to emphasize that the situation that our partner with depression goes through doesn't have to be permanent. As the crisis came, it can go away, although certain sequels usually remain (at least with regard to emotional memory).

Many times, when the person does not know what to do in a situation, that is when depression occurs. It is not enough to help him solve this situation, it is necessary to provide him with the tools so that he has the capacity to Solve by herself the situations that cause her negative feelings. This is what is worked on during therapy. But, at the same time, this person should not be left alone, since in this state they will not be able to overcome themselves and see a hopeful way out.

Bibliographic references:

• American Psychiatric Association (2014). DSM-5. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Madrid: Pan American.
• Davey, C. G.; Yucel, M; Allen, N. b. (2008). The emergence of depression in adolescence: Development of the prefrontal cortex and the representation of reward. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews. 32.
• Mann, J. J., Waternaux, C., Haas, G. L. et al. (1999). Towards a clinical model of suicidal behavior in psychiatric patients. Am J Psychiatry, 156:pp. 181 - 189.
• World Health Organization. ICD 10. (1992). Tenth Revision of the International Classification of Diseases. Mental and Behavioral Disorders: Clinical Descriptions and Diagnostic Guidelines. Madrid: Meditor.
• Saravane, D; Feve, B; Frances, Y; Corruble, E; Lancon, C; Chanson, P; House, P; Terra, JL; et al. (2009). Drawing up guidelines for the attendance of physical health of patients with severe mental illness. L'Encephale. 35 (4): 330–9.(1): pp. 1 - 19.