Love me if you dare: high self-esteem in love as a couple

For many people, having a partner and getting married is one of their main life goals. But relationships are not always easy and can go through conflicting moments. If there is a variable that has a positive (or not) impact on the resolution of these conflicts, it is self-esteem.

• Related article: “Low selfsteem? When you become your own worst enemy”

High self-esteem in love: love me if you dare!

Self-esteem affects the day to day of people and their interpersonal relationships, and the facet of love and the couple is no exception. While individuals with low self-esteem can become emotionally dependent subjects and they can intoxicate the relationship, those who enjoy high self-esteem can even become intimidating, because they are so good with themselves that they do not need anyone else to be happy. Sometimes they do not fit with the ideal of a person in love that appears in the movies, that is, who is aware of the couple 24 hours a day.

Those who have high self-esteem may come to be criticized because they give

an image of "love me if you dare", that is, they are not the classic people who want to be with someone at all costs (even when the relationship has no solution), but rather enjoy their life to the fullest and make the most of it. For them, the partner is a traveling companion, and in their schemes there is no option to remain in a toxic relationship. These people, when they find someone they fit in with, they truly love, they love with “mature love”.

• Related article: “Mature love: why is the second love better than the first?”

Loving yourself is the key to loving others

The truth is that many movies, songs or novels are inspired by love, this feeling so intense that it is capable of leaving us sensations and feelings that are difficult to forget. This love that can seem so idyllic and magnificent, is often based on fantasy, in an image of perfection that is rarely fulfilled. Often, we create irrational expectations of how a person in love or our partner should be, something that can generate conflicts for not being able to meet these expectations.

In a healthy love, each member of the couple has their space, and each one should feel good about himself. Without neglecting respect as a fundamental pillar in the relationship, it may not be well seen when a person is especially independent and pursues her dreams with great impetus and passion, because this irrational image about love that we talk about can make us believe that we must be hooked on the couple, share everything and give ourselves to the 100%.

Now, if we give ourselves 100%, where is the percentage that is destined for our personal development and our individual happiness? When a person loves himself, he is capable of loving others..

Low self esteem equals toxic people

If high self-esteem is key for love to succeed, low self-esteem is the opposite: the person does not feel good about themselves, and so it's impossible for a relationship to work. There must be a balance in any interpersonal relationship, otherwise one of the two is placed in a position of power that does not benefit the well-being of the couple.

Furthermore, people with low self-esteem turn the relationship into a conflictive situation, because communication is seriously affected. They are people who cling to relationships like a burning nail, and have a great need to maintain the emotional bond and affection because they feel weak alone.

He toxic love, which these people cling to, has ten characteristics. They are the following:

• Some of the members leave their family or friends aside.
• They need the approval of others Because they don't love each other enough.
• They feel a great emotional dependency because they don't feel strong alone.
• They become addicted to the partner.
• It is an irrational love.
• They are afraid of change.
• It is a relationship in which manipulation appears.
• It is possessive.
• It makes you suffer.

The relationship of the couple also influences

In the previous examples, it has been mentioned how self-esteem affects the smooth running of the relationship. However, love is a very intense feeling and is a very important part of our lives, so what the good or bad progress of the relationship also affects how we feel, and our self-esteem.

We can be very attached to a person and live unforgettable experiences, but when love breaks, our brain suffers and our view of the world can change until we take one existential crisis. Few couples end well, and especially in those cases in which there has been infidelity, the person who If you are a victim of deception, you may feel like a loser, something that, without a doubt, can have an impact on your assessment of yourself. same.

In the lack of love, in addition, a series of chemical reactions occur in the brain that can cause a mismatch neurochemical that requires a normalization process, in which the person must get used to being without their being loved and must learn to enjoy again of life's pleasurable experiences. Scientific research concludes that when we go through a breakup process, our dopamine levels drop, something that is associated with depression or obsession.

Psychologists claim that it is necessary to stop seeing the ex-partnerto until our neural circuits regain stability; otherwise, our self-esteem can suffer the consequences.

• You can learn more about this topic in this article: “Psychology of love: this is how our brain changes when we find a partner”

How to improve in this aspect

Self-esteem is a set of beliefs, evaluations, perceptions and thoughts that we have about ourselves. Although there is no magic formula to improve it, it is possible adopt a series of habits and attitudes that can allow us to be less critical of ourselves, accept the experiences that happen to us, or learn from failures.

The first step for change is to become aware that you have low self-esteem and in extreme situations it is necessary to seek psychological help. However, in the article: “10 keys to increase your self-esteem in 30 days” you can find a list of tips that will help you value yourself positively.