New Year's Resolutions: This year, yes!

January is par excellence the month of good intentions. Who doesn't start the year saying: “this year I'm going to…”?

It would seem that with the new year the desire to change, to improve, to innovate, to try new things is also renewed. Perhaps because the change of the year is experienced as a change of cycle, a new opportunity to modify aspects of our lives that we would like to be different. Perhaps because it is lived as a moment to take stock of the past and to devise a new future.

• Related article: "Self-motivation: what it is and how to enhance it"

Facing the resolutions of January

The thing is, those New Year's resolutions don't seem to hold up over time. In this, the statistics are clear: only between 10 and 20 percent of those year's resolutions become real actions beyond two or three months. Studies and surveys show that, for the month of February, 80% of those purposes have been abandoned.

And we already know that people have a natural resistance to change. We already know that our brain likes to make life easy for us and tries to settle us in that area of ​​"the known" that apparently gives us a certain sense of security. And may I add, a false sense of security. Because, as soon as we reflect on it, we realize that uncertainty and change are a constant in our lives.

In fact, on many occasions, people get "hooked" in a spiral of dissatisfaction - fear - frustration. Dissatisfaction in some area of ​​our life, in which we are not obtaining the results that we would like to have. Fear of change, fear of leaving that so-called "comfort zone", of that space in which we travel as a pilot automatic, putting little awareness and living attached to those habits that we have been building with the time. And frustration for not having changed or for not feeling capable of changing.

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A circle that feeds back

The interesting thing about this circle is that it becomes a vicious circle, that feeds itself and it becomes more and more difficult to get out of it. Until something happens that acts as a trigger. Something happens on our way that makes us aware of what we are losing, of the opportunity cost of continuing to be locked in that vicious circle. And then we begin to think about what we would like to happen to us, what we would like to change in our lives. The desire to change begins to be born. AND That's where New Year's resolutions are born..

But be careful, the simple desire for change is not an element that is sometimes strong enough for that change to take place. How many wishes end in nothing! How many "I would love to" remain in dreams, perhaps pleasant, but in the end do not become realities!

And it is that people only change when we feel the need to change. Simple as that. In other words, change occurs when it feeds on desire and need. The awareness that I want this change and also need it, will add a plus of commitment on my part to the try to make it happen.

Therefore, and returning to the beginning of our reflection, the key to fulfilling the New Year's resolutions this year is self-knowledge and motivation.

The keys to fulfill your New Year's resolutions (this time yes)

I invite you to do a personal exercise, perhaps with one of those New Year's resolutions that you are considering. By doing the exercise too, you will be able to realize how your perspective is changing. Think of a goal that you want to achieve this year.

1. go to the concrete

Try to answer the question What do I want to achieve?, but in the most specific way possible. Add details, be clear about what each of the words with which you define your goal means to you. For example, let's imagine that your goal is "to eat better in 2023". What does "better" mean to you? Does it mean, for example, “healthier food”, “more balanced food”, “less quantity”, “more variety”, etc.? The more specific the objective that we set ourselves, the more feasible it will be for us to achieve it..

Obviously, common sense already warns us of the usefulness of setting realistic goals. A clearly unattainable goal will only lead us to the dissatisfaction of not having achieved it. And it is also very important to be clear beforehand what the indicators of success will be, what has to happen for me to know that I have met that objective. Being clear about how I am going to measure my progress will also be a very useful element to move towards the result I want. Therefore, the first element to consider: determine a specific, realistic and measurable objective.

2. Choose something you have control over

The second element also comes in the form of a question: Whose goal depends on? And here, there is only one answer: from me. For an objective to be adequate and more likely to be achieved, it is very important that it is your own. That is, it depends only on ourselves.

The concept behind that question is that of “responsibility”, that ability to take charge, to take responsibility for what happens to us. That wondering what is in our power to do to solve what is happening to us, without waiting for something or someone to come to solve it. Let's remember what Gandhi told us, “be the change you want to see in the world”.

3. make it meaningful to you

If you are already clear about your objective, you have made it specific, realistic and measurable, and you also know that it depends only on you, We can move on to the third element of the equation: the why. The question is simple, “what do you want to get it for?”, although the answer may be more complex. What is really the purpose of that goal, what you are going to gain when you achieve it.

The power of this answer is that it guides us to the future and not to the past. It focuses us on change and makes us more aware of the possibility of achieving it. Changing the “whys” to “what for” helps us to give consistency to our new actions and is at the base of the success of the change.

4. Give yourself realistic deadlines

There is only one more element left: time. Be clear in how long you want to reach your goal. And again, I invite you to make it a realistic and achievable time estimate.

Do you already have your goal well defined, your right goal for you?!! Congratulations!! A great first step!

And now that you have your goal, what else do you have to take into account?

Well, it will be useful to think that change is a path. That on many occasions it will not happen overnight, that transformative changes require the creation of new habits, and that repetition is needed for this. And this has to do with the functioning of our brain: as we do and do an action, new neural networks are reinforced, which begin as "third-class roads" until they become true highways.

The key is not to abandon old habits, the key is to incorporate new habits. And there is a world in this change of perception.

Another very important concept in this process of change; on this path to your goal, is that of learning. With each experience, with each success and each error, we can extract new learning that allow us to correct, sustain or incorporate innovations in this path of change. By the way, it will also be very important to ally yourself with patience on this path.

Once you are ready to start the path towards your goal, it will be good for you to ally yourself with an emotion that you think will be useful to you. When we are talking about innovating or entering unknown territory, illusion, hope and curiosity are usually good help. Because to start a process of change, it will be good if curiosity outweighs fears. And if it works? What is the worst that can happen to me? And it is that emotions invite us to certain actions, move us to act in a different way and make us experience situations from a very different perspective. The key is to understand that we can choose which emotion we want to accompany us on this path.

And finally, it will also serve you the have in mind some positive and empowering thought about yourself to help you sustain your goal in times of difficulties or when obstacles appear. Thoughts like "I am capable of learning it", "other times I have achieved goals that I thought were unattainable", etc. can be a great ally.

At this point, in which you have established a suitable objective, you have chosen an emotion and a thought that will accompany you along the way, you can reinforce your motivation with one more element. You already know that motivation is made of desire, of need, but above all of the kilos of desire that you are going to put into achieving what you want. By the way, motivation is a friend of commitment rather than obligation.

A “I want to do it” is more motivating than a “I have to do it”. What is that missing element? Visualize yourself in that ideal future in which you have already achieved what you wanted. For this you have your imagination, a wonderful ally to transport you back in time.

Now you are ready to make your New Year's resolution come true this year!

I wish you every success, and I leave you with one last question, “what are you going to do differently starting tomorrow?”

Author: Montserrat Altarriba, Director of the EDPyN Coaching School