How to tell my partner that I don't want to go live with her?

Although each case is different, the fact that two people maintain a relationship implies the existence of a situation in which both individuals profess attraction for each other and a series of feelings that make them want to stay together. Specifically, love implies the existence of a balance between components such as passion, intimacy and commitment.

As a general rule, a certain evolution tends to be expected and the acquisition of an increasing number of last of these factors as the relationship progresses, being one of the steps that are usually taken the made of move in together.

However, each person has their own rhythm and sometimes the idea of ​​moving in together can come up too soon for one of the couple's components. If we are this person and we still don't feel ready, or we really don't want to go live with him or her, the moment it arises can be a serious embarrassment. Faced with the question of "How can I tell my partner that I don't want to go live with him/her?", in this article we are going to try to give a series of tips on what to do in this situation.

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I don't want to go live with my partner: how to tell him?

Going to live together is something that many couples are very excited about and that usually implies an advance in the level of commitment in the relationship. Generally, whoever proposes cohabitation usually does so with good intentions and as a way of trying to have a closer and more stable relationship.

Saying no to a proposition of this type is sometimes tremendously complicated, especially if we love that person and we perceive that he is really excited and would like to live with us. But It is better to say no than to pretend to be excited or do something against our will. Below we give you a series of instructions on how to do it.

1. Analyze the reason for your reluctance

Before deciding anything, we must consider whether or not we want to live with our partner and why there are these doubts or this refusal. It must be clear that not wanting to live with someone does not have to imply not loving that person, but it can also come to consider the possibility that we really do not see a future with him or she.

we may have fear of assuming a greater commitment than we have so far, that we have had unflattering previous experiences that make us doubt the viability of coexistence in partner, that we do not know if we know enough about that person or, simply, that it is something that we do not want to do for him. moment.

2. Do not answer with evasions

It is possible that when the couple hints at the idea of ​​moving in together, fear or concern arises that they will feel offended if we say no. Many people tend to be evasive or change the subject. This only leads to a temporary avoidance of the problem to be faced. and it will generate a higher level of tension in whoever does it, as well as a lack of communication. It is best to try to face the situation and respond assertively.

3. Express yourself assertively, calmly and making your point of view clear

Directly linked to the previous one. We are trying to communicate to our loved one that we do not want to go live with that person, but without thereby generating a couple conflict. It is advisable to establish the conversation calmly, not letting yourself be carried away by panic.

We have to make our point of view clear so there are no misunderstandings, sincerely but tactfully and trying not to offend the other person or hurt them. After all, we don't want to go live with him, but that doesn't mean we don't love him. It is not necessary to give a solemn connotation at the moment, we can also do it in a relaxed way as long as the other person is receptive and depending on how she has suggested it.

4. It states that what you reject is not him/her, but living together

Many people, and especially if there is some underlying insecurity, may come to believe that if we refuse to live with them it is because we don't really value them enough to be with them, that we don't take the relationship seriously or even directly that we don't we want. It is worth making clear after the refusal that the rejection is towards living together at this moment, not towards the person itself or towards the relationship with him or her.

5. A future possibility?

It can also be considered that at this moment you do not intend to start a cohabitation with the other person, but it is possible that you consider that in the future it is a desirable option. Communicating it is usually positive. Of course, it is important that if it is said it is because it is true and not a simple excuse to muddle through.

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6. Validate and accept his reaction

It will not be unusual for a proposal to move in together that is rejected to be experienced with discomfort or even some anger. As long as there is no violence, we must try understand that the other person may feel offended. Getting angry over a bad reaction would only make the situation worse and could lead to an argument. So, you have to try to validate their reaction.

7. talk about why

It is possible that after having analyzed the situation there is a specific reason why we do not want to live with that person. it may be too soon, it is possible that we are afraid of the possible changes that may occur in the relationship, that it does not suit us financially or that we have a different project for the future.

These types of factors can be explored and it is important that they be communicated in order to be able to establish a fluid relationship in which the feelings, beliefs and expectations of both parties are taken into account people. In addition to the case at hand, it can also be used to learn more about each other or even later to correct problems and insecurities.

8. It encourages you to express yourself

In addition to understanding and validating the other's reaction, it is advisable to make him say what he thinks about it, in such a way that both of you can better understand the situation and assess what opinions you have regarding the situation or how you feel about she. This does not mean that you try to force him to speak if he does not want to, but to make it clear that his opinion is important to you.