Emotional withdrawal syndrome: what it is and how to overcome it

After a love breakup, and especially in the first days and weeks after goodbye, we can live very intense feelings that, on many occasions, can affect our ability to be objective and rational. Pain, sadness, anguish, inability to concentrate and wishes to contact our ex-partner They can lead us to situations of vulnerability, in which it is possible to get carried away by impulses or outbursts that we can regret afterwards.

Ending a relationship and letting go of the person we have loved so much is complicated, and even though we are clear that we have done the right thing by walking away, there may be times when we feel weak and let our emotions dominate. In fact, psychologists assure that in falling in love the same brain regions are activated as in drug use, which leads some individuals to experiencing emotional or love withdrawal syndrome when they have to break up with your partner. This not only causes psychological pain but can also lead to physical symptoms.

In the following lines we will talk about this phenomenon and we will delve into its characteristics.

Chemistry in the brain of the lover

Anyone who has experienced falling in love knows that it is, without a doubt, one of the best experiences we can have. But there is also the other side of the coin: it is heartbreak. A difficult situation to overcome, which can lead to an existential crisis if we do not know how to manage it correctly.

And it is that heartbreak leads us to live really painful moments, because the brain chemistry of the lover can make us feel addicted to our ex, directing all our senses towards that person and making our day to day an attempt for getting ahead and recovering our well-being despite the fact that we want to melt into the arms of our someone special.

• Related article: "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug"

When we have the "monkey" for someone

The chemistry of love can make us live in a cloud, but when we do not have the possibility of being with the person we want we can feel the "monkey", as if it were a drug.

When we fall in love, our brain secretes substances such as serotonin (related to happiness), endorphins (hormones associated with the sensation of pleasure), the adrenalin (makes us feel energetic) and dopamine, which plays an important role in the survival of the human being, by causing the repetition of those behaviors that are key to the survival of the species. For example, food or sex. But it is also implicated in addictive behaviors, such as drug use or gambling.

In this sense, the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, after an investigation, stated that “when love breaks, just as when someone stops drugs, side effects such as depressive or obsessive behaviors, and even the syndrome of abstinence. Generally, this syndrome, whether emotional or due to drug abuse, causes psychological and physical symptoms, because it affects our nervous system ”.

• Related article: "Psychology of love: this is how our brain changes when we find a partner”

Symptoms of emotional withdrawal syndrome

The emotional withdrawal syndrome appears when we must stop seeing the person with whom we are in love, either by our own will or by someone else. And in those situations where there may be conflicts, such as toxic relationships, infidelities, etc. its symptoms may increase. Fortunately, some people are aware that these symptoms are temporary and that, over time, it is possible to regain emotional balance once neural circuits weaken.

Nevertheless, some individuals are unable to cope with emotional pain, have low self esteem or they do not have the necessary tools to overcome this stage. As a result, they become hooked on the partner: they are unable to overcome the addiction. In these cases it is necessary to go to psychological therapy.

The symptoms that a person with emotional withdrawal syndrome experiences are:

Psychological symptoms:

• Heartbreak and anxiety.
• Sadness and melancholy.
• Desires to be with the loved one, to call and contact them.
• Lightheadedness and lack of concentration
• Insomnia.
• Loss of appetite
• Obsessive thoughts.
• Feeling of detachment from life.
• Inability to enjoy daily activities.

Physical symptoms

• Dizziness
• Sickness.
• Headaches.
• Chest tightness.
• Vomiting

The duration of the withdrawal syndrome varies from one person to another, and in many cases it can be a brief experience, which disappears as the situation is accepted. Now, since heartbreak is not a linear process, it may happen that the affected person experiences this syndrome in a frequently, because he is unable to cope with the situation or because he continues to have contact with the person he loves despite the breaking off.

What to do to overcome emotional withdrawal syndrome

To overcome the withdrawal syndrome and, in general, the lack of love, it is possible to follow some of these strategies.

1. Recognize the symptoms and know that it is transitory

The emotional withdrawal syndrome has a peak shortly after the break (the first month is usually the most difficult) but with time it is possible to overcome it. So it is important to recognize that one is going through this phase of heartbreak (which is transitory) in order to try to control this very real and painful physical and emotional experience.

2. Contact 0

When one is in the situation of leaving a relationship, continuing to have contact with the partner (with the illusion that things could be fixed) is counterproductive. The only thing that makes it clear is that there is emotional dependence and lengthens the suffering if the true intention is to be happy again and regain well-being after a relationship that has not worked.

For this reason psychologists recommend 0 contact, that is, "all or nothing"Because, as with drug addiction, seeing the person you love and having contact with them favors relapses. If we follow the logic of Classical Conditioning, exposure to the loved one reactivates the neural circuitry that is involved in the falling in love, so if we want to weaken it and regain emotional stability, we must be strong and break any kind of contact with person.

In addition, if the feeling is very intense, it is even recommended to avoid contact through social networks, because these cause some phenomena such as FOMO syndrome what obsession and suffering increase after a breakup.

3. Get distracted

One of the big mistakes that can be made in this phase is to give free rein to obsession and intrusive thoughts, which are usually common: memories and memories appear again and again in our mind. That is why it is important to look for activities that force us to be distracted. Spending time with friends, studying, or going to the gym works great.

4. Fight for your own personal development

When we leave it with our partner, the cost to our self-esteem is high. Therefore, we must connect with ourselves and do those things we like. Things that make us grow as people and with which we enjoy. Maybe study that master's degree that motivates us so much or sign up for dance classes. You know what really makes you happy and makes your life full.