Couples therapy: a solution for living together

All couples go through difficult times in which it is difficult to maintain a pleasant routine. In some cases, disagreements begin to emerge, causing discomfort and unhappiness, and these are often followed by responses of abandonment or wishes to end the relationship.

Normally the relationship ends definitively when one of the members so decides. It is important, therefore, to become aware of the first symptoms that reveal that something is not working as it should, before it is too late.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Couples therapy as a search for solutions

Courage is essential when looking for solutions to recover what was once so important and special between the couple. But on the other hand, although the saying "Two do not fight if one does not want to" is true, this does not mean admitting and submitting to everything that the other thinks or decides.

Relationship problems revert to jealousy, suspicion, sadness, anxiety, lack of confidence, communication... We feel the threat of an unwanted loneliness, the fear of abandonment

of whom we love so much. Likewise, we are surprised by the impotence.

The abandonment of the couple at the first change, when conflicts arise, is almost never a good solution, except in cases of toxic relationships. When we quit, we think that our conflicts will be solved, but often abandonments do nothing more than feed back our comfort, our lack of maturity and our lack of commitment. Fleeing Forward Becomes a Nefarious Solution.

The importance of getting involved in the relationship

The "pressure" is an aspect to consider in our life. We will almost always find ourselves in contexts where decision-making is accompanied by "pressure" of any kind. In these cases we must be aware so that the "pressure" does not lead us to a wrong decision.

Let's think for a moment about R. Tagore:

• Cultivate a thought and you will reap an action
• Cultivate an action and you will reap a habit
• Cultivate a habit and you will reap a character
• Cultivate a character and you will reap a destiny.

This syllogism leads us to the conclusion that our thoughts are at the base of our destiny. Therefore, it will be convenient to change behaviors and attitudes through our change of perspective, our change of “mind”, in order to change our circumstances and destiny. And also, build our character.

This, contrary to what is normally thought, is not something that we bring from the womb. Although it is true that we have genetic predispositions of temperament, we are responsible for creating what that we decide to be, since we are not impervious to the environment, culture and social environment where we we form. How many times have we heard "I am like that"... And that statement becomes the perfect excuse that justifies our comfort and passivity in our change.

Assume that you don't have to cling to comfort

I am convinced that perseverance is the key to success. Thomas Edison, the American scientist, before designing the electric light bulb, had to try more than a thousand attempts. When we have built something worthwhile, it is unwise to give in or succumb to the instinct for comfort and the easy life. (I already said, as long as they are not feeding toxic relationships or all those that do not help us to grow, to give and receive in a healthy way, or that directly annul or subdue us).

Although it is true that we are immersed in the culture of immediacy, where patience is an absent good, we are responsible, protagonists, architects of our lives and relationships. The moment of difficulty is a good occasion to look back at ourselves and identify what are the values ​​that are moving us personally and in the relationship.

A good question to ask in this scenario is: do I love you because I need you, or do I need you because I love you? Same words with different meanings.

In this context, and under the will of both members, couples therapy is proposed. Effective solution to relearn how to live happily together. The therapy will become our point of reference to report the experiences between us through the agreements agreed in the sessions. The five pillars to work on will be based on love, communication, illusion, trust and respect. The condition "se ne qua non" is the identification of both the problem and the desire to solve it.

Normally, when these conditions are met, success is almost guaranteed. Although, although it is true, it will depend on the degree of involvement of both in the resolution of the problem.

During treatment, most couples will notice if their differences can be resolved or if they ultimately turn out to be incompatible. Restoration is POSSIBLE.