The gray divorce: the growing trend among mature couples

During the last three decades, the divorce rate in the population over 50 years of age has skyrocketed, especially in developed countries. Men and women nearing the third age decide that they can't take it anymore and that they don't want to continue with their relationship.

This increase in senior divorces has been dubbed the gray divorce revolution, alluding to the gray hairs that many separation applicants already collect.

Next we will explore further what has motivated gray divorces to be more and more.

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The gray divorce revolution

Gray divorce, also known as silver or diamond divorce, refers to the trend of those middle-aged and elderly couples, "with gray hairs" who decide to separate after many years of living together. This phenomenon has taken special interest in recent years since divorce in people over 50 years of age has been increasing, especially in the United States, where this concept comes from.

In the last three decades, the number of elderly couples who have decided to divorce has been increasing, especially in North America. In fact, it was the American Association of Retired Persons that proposed this term in 2004. The divorce rate for people over the age of 55 doubled between 1990 and 2010. 1 in 4 divorces in 2010 occurred in people over 50 years. In 2012, researchers at Bowling Green State University (Ohio) called this growing trend of divorces in people over 50 years of age the “gray revolution of divorce”.

But the explosion of gray divorces is not limited to the United States. The same trends have been seen in other societies, such as Western Europe, Australia, and even India.. In Canada, divorce has increased exponentially among people aged 55 to 65, in the United Kingdom Divorces doubled in people over 55, there known as "silver splitters" or "surfers of surf". silver". And in Japan, couples married for more than 30 years have quadrupled their divorce rate. Gray divorce is a global reality that is transforming the social and economic life of families and society.

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Why is this trend to divorce later in life happening?

There are many circumstances behind the increase in divorces among people over 50 years of age. One reason is that, in the late 1960s and 1970s, interest in personal happiness and self-actualization took hold. Added to this, during the following decades, in most advanced countries life expectancy increased, attitudes about marriage as a lifelong institution changed, divorce became socially accepted and women joined the workforce, becoming more economically independent.

The couples who were married decades ago and who, for whatever reason, have been distancing themselves or seeing that they have been being unhappy they are willing to face their differences on various issues and acknowledge their relationships unsatisfactory. Added to this is a critical moment, which is when they experience empty nest syndrome, that is, their adult children leave home, and they wonder what they now have in common.

Infidelity and addictions are also important triggers for divorce at this age. Spouses seek refuge from the mental, emotional, and physical abuse of their partner. The breakup of the relationship due to financial irregularities, such as failure to make progress financially or one of the two parties spends more than they can afford, it can also motivate the separation.

Be that as it may, what the divorced grays share most is having realized that their marriage is not the dream they so much imagined it would be, and They feel unhappy and dissatisfied, feeling that if they don't do something now or end the relationship, the dynamic will continue until death. separate. They do not want to continue wasting time, life and energy, so they choose to break off the relationship in the hope of being able to take advantage of the decades they have left in freedom.

Other causes of gray divorces are:

• Lack of communication in the couple.
• Feeling of being trapped.
• Failure to meet marital expectations.
• Spouses with incompatible personalities.
• Change of priorities.
• Lack of trust with the partner.

• Related article: "The 9 types of infidelity and their characteristics"

The search for personal happiness and self-satisfaction

People who today are 50 years old or older and start the divorce process usually say that they do it because they want something more and different. This population group came of age between the late 1960s and early 1980s, just in a period in which in many countries divorce became more widespread and more accepted Social.

Some, especially women, perceive these marriages as conflictive and highly unsatisfactory.. They feel that they have little or no interaction with their husbands. They wonder, "Is this it?" and they report that they feel lonely despite being married. They feel that they live in an empty relationship, the remnants of a marriage that once seemed so promising and happy. They end up divorcing with the hope of starting a new stage, with joy and happiness, both with new partners and alone, in any case without living in a relationship that had been dead for a long time.

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Aspects to consider in a gray divorce

To finish, we are going to highlight a series of aspects to take into account before starting a divorce process with more than 50 years. As we said, the reasons that lead a couple to divorce are very varied, being very legitimate as well as having been the victim of infidelity, physical and psychological abuse or that both spouses really no longer love each other.

However, we must take into account several aspects regarding divorce in late adulthood. Divorces are still critical situations, in which two people who used to love each other very much now no longer feel comfortable sharing a life, something that You can try to solve it by going to couples therapy. Likewise, it is important to understand that proceeding with the separation, no matter how convinced the spouses are, will have an emotional effect on both.

Among the aspects to take into account are the following.

1. Alimony

Alimony payments are more common in gray divorces.

2. retirement accounts

Retirement accounts can take a serious hit during a divorce.

3. Children and grandchildren

Most couples who divorce between the ages of 50 and 60 have children who are already adults. Nevertheless, It should not be thought that because a person is already an adult, the divorce of her parents will not affect herr.

The separation is going to have emotional consequences on the children and, despite the fact that in this case there are no discussions about the custody and the children may already have their respective families formed, they feel they have to choose between one or other father. And if there are already grandchildren, the separation will be especially painful for them.

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4. prenuptial contracts

Prenuptial contracts serve to divide the assets between the spouses before getting married, establishing who owns what. At the time of divorcing, they must be taken into account and assess whether it is worthwhile to continue with the process.

5. Rebuild life and remarry

In divorces, age matters. The older you are, the more difficult it will be to rebuild life after separation. Although it is not impossible to remarry at age 50, it is more complicated and it is important to prepare for the new relationship dynamics.