The 6 phases to overcome a love breakup

Have they ever broken up with you? It is a vital experience that most of us have lived or will live throughout our lives. When this happens, we must grieve and bear the loss.

In this article we explain the 6 phases to overcome a love breakup: we tell you how it is likely -and natural- that you feel and what techniques you can use to feel better and end up overcoming the break.

The breakup and emotional dependence

Depending on whether it was us who ended the relationship, or whether it was the other person, the feelings may vary. In this article we will focus on the phases that appear when the other person leaves us; that is, when we are the "left" people.

It is easy to make a simile with love relationships and addiction to certain drugs. Relationships are often like drugs or alcohol, and we may be "hooked" on a relationship; However, even if we are not, there is always a certain dependency that allows the relationship to last.

Thus, this dependence is comparable to the dependence generated by a drug; in fact, studies show that the areas of the brain that are activated when we are in love are the same as when we enjoy a drug (reinforcement zones).

That is why, after a breakup, the feelings and sensations that appear can be equated to those that would appear if we were abandoning a drug: the famous withdrawal syndrome, but more on an emotional level than physical. Throughout the article we will explain what this syndrome consists of applied to the field of love breaks.

The 6 phases to overcome a love breakup

The 6 phases to overcome a love breakup that we propose do not have to always follow the same order; You can also go from one phase to another and return to the initial one.

That is, in each person this process can vary; what matters is being able to apply some of these techniques to begin to assimilate and process the rupture situation.

A) Yes, more than "phases", what we explain in this article are "moments" that you will surely go through when the relationship ends and techniques that you can use in each of them to overcome the break.

1. Stage 1: The first days

What happens in the first of the phases to overcome a love breakup? In this first stage, many feelings coexist: anxiety, fear, insomnia, nervousness, a feeling of emptiness... and many times, also a compulsive need to contact the other person.

It is very common that when our partner so far decides to end the relationship, a feeling of disbelief comes over us and we find ourselves in a state of shock. After this state, which usually occurs in this first stage of the first days, the “withdrawal syndrome” appears, already mentioned at the beginning of the article.

Thus, in the same way that a person addicted to some substance, runs out of his drug and manifests the withdrawal syndrome to it, thus we we feel (saving the distances, and understanding that these are two "problems" of very different nature, but so that the simile).

In this first phase we will have to get used to the idea that we have to unhook ourselves from that person who until now was our partner.. It is not easy, since this person was surely a source of security, well-being and stability for us (or in the worst case, the only one); However, it is time to start distancing yourself from that person, to start doing new things and to face the new situation.

2. Stage 2: Detoxification

In the second of the phases to overcome a love breakup, after the first days where we have surely cried a lot and we have begun to get used to the idea of ​​the new situation, it's time to make changes: we enter the detoxification phase.

In this phase, we will have to erase all traces of that person: this does not mean to erase or destroy all of her things, but to stop knowing about that person, especially through social networks; that is, stop following him on all networks, stop looking at his profiles, delete him from WhatsApp, etc.

What matters is to start applying zero contact. The less we know about that person, and the more the first days, the better, since it will allow us to get used to the idea little by little of the new situation, and that person no longer wants to be in our life.

We must eliminate the thoughts of the type “What if I do this - for example, delete it from the networks - and I forget? ”, since if that person loves us, he will not forget us (although, if he loved us, he would not have left).

3. Stage 3: Start applying changes to your life

In this third phase you should start to apply some changes, which allow you to start a new stage. Thus, some of the ideas that we propose are:

3.1. Hanging out with friends

Now that you surely have more free time, choose to take shots with your friends and family. Above all, "force" yourself to go out, to do things, even if you don't feel like it much, make a little effort to get out of the state of apathy in which you find yourself. Before calling your ex, better call a friend, don't you think?

3.2. Write

A good way to process and assume the new situation is by writing; write when you feel like it, when you feel something coming from within you and you don't really know what it is. Writing will help you understand yourself better, listen to you and detect what you need at all times. Also, writing can vent, and is a better alternative than writing to your ex.

3.3. Do sport

Playing sports is another way to feel better, since we release tensions and focus our attention and energy to another stimulus different from ruminant or negative thoughts (that is, to the body itself). In addition, we release endorphins and our mood improves.

4. Stage 4: Unanswered Questions

In the next of the phases to overcome a love breakup we find unanswered questions. These questions, in some people appear very early (the first days after the breakup) and in others a little later.

Thus, it is frequent to ask oneself: Did I do something wrong? It is my fault? Why doesn't he love me anymore? To return to? Most of these questions simply do not have an answer (or if they did, it would be useless to know the answer). These questions only make us anchor ourselves to the past, looking for reasons to continue torturing ourselves; that is why we should not give them a coba.

Simply, if they appear (like negative or ruminant thoughts), we must let them pass, and not try to find an answer. It should be remembered that, except in cases with extreme circumstances, when someone leaves us it is simply because they have decided that their stage with us is over.

It is a hard and painful but legitimate decision, and just as the other person chose us at the time, in this moment they have freely chosen to stop sharing their life with us.

5. Stage 5: The lows and the blank nights

This stage includes moments of downturn and sleepless nights (and can be interspersed among the others). The moments of downturn appear when, you thought you had recovered a little, and yet suddenly you remember something or you get nostalgic and you really want to cry.

You feel extremely sad, for a few hours or a few days. Luckily, these are moments that must exist to process the loss, and as they arrive, they leave.

On the other hand, the blank nights are those where, you simply cannot sleep (because you begin to remember your ex, you ask yourself questions, etc., and as a result, insomnia appears).

Fortunately, they also end up disappearing. One piece of advice: if you are having a sleepless night, don't "force" yourself to sleep; try to relax, and get out of bed (the fewer hours they are in bed with insomnia, the better).

6. Stage 6: Recovery and Acceptance

Finally, the best of the phases to overcome a love breakup, and that as a general rule and naturally (or with psychological help) always ends up arriving, is the phase of recovery and acceptance.

It's been a while since the breakup (depending on the relationship and the person, it could be weeks, months, or even years). You feel better here, you have already regained the will to live, to do things and even to meet someone else.

You have accepted that this person is no longer in your life, and you no longer feel guilt, anger or resentment. You simply assume it and you are open to the new things that are about to come into your life.

Bibliographic references

• Castelló, J. (2005). Emotional dependency: characteristics and treatment. Editorial Alliance. Madrid.

• De Selys, C. (2018). Love and heartbreak: keys to successfully overcome a love breakup. Sirio Publishing House.

• Riso, W. (1999). Love or depend? Editorial Planeta. Barcelona.