2 traits we pay attention to when meeting someone

It has been a long time since psychology has known the power of first impressions.

When we come into contact with someone for the first time, especially if it is in person, the conclusions we draw from that person during the first minutes of interaction will condition the way in which we will judge them from that moment on forward. All the information that comes to us about that individual after that critical stage will be regulated by the presence of those sensations that he aroused in us before.

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However, It is still the subject of debate which are the specific personal characteristics that we pay attention to the most to decide if someone is worth it or not.

Amy Cuddy has spent 15 years researching the power of first impressions to shed light on this topic and she has come to the conclusion that, when we meet someone, we basically look at two characteristics. And, furthermore, they do not simply consist of an analysis of the physique of the person in front of us

What really matters in first impressions

As Cuddy explains in his book Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest ChallengesWhen we first come into contact with someone, we ask ourselves two questions: "Can I trust this person?" and "can I respect this person?"

Curiously, despite the fact that first impressions can be related to superficiality and occasional interactions that do not lead to anything deeper, what we value most is the feeling of honesty and trust that someone transmits to us in a matter of seconds and minutes, that is, the first of the two questions.

The reason, according to this Harvard professor, is that from an evolutionary perspective it pays more to look at whether it will pay to trust someone. In this way we are more protected against possible betrayals that could put our lives at risk or, in the best of cases, making us waste time and effort cultivating a relationship that is not worth the grief.

Only when we have evaluated the degree to which someone inspires trust in us will we go on to consider i we can respect her for what she does, that is, if we find her skillful and competent in some area significant.

How to take advantage of this in personal relationships?

The conclusions that Cuddy has drawn from his research lead us to bet on simplicity in our personal relationships and when it comes to meeting people. In other words, instead of obsessing over giving an image that is very close to beauty standards or demonstrating our degree of competence, we must first show that we are normal human beings who can be trusted, and not give an artificial or supposedly mysterious image.

Making skill demonstrations only has a significant impact on the image we give if we have made other people feel safe before. If not, it can be interpreted as potential, but a potential that can be used against others and, therefore, distances the rest from us.

Therefore, we must show our most human side, instead of staying distant in order to show only those qualities of our own that we believe are impressive. For example, this involves speaking candidly about ourselves, showing our own limitations to the same degree as the that we talk about what we are good at and, in general, show that we can be trusted without producing important disappointments.

This, in addition, can be applied both in informal relationships and when finding a job or looking for professional allies. What it is about is being transparent, showing the degree to which our help and collaboration can be expected.and behave accordingly. If honesty is demonstrated, the possibility of being deceived or of misunderstandings is much less, and that makes everyone win.

What to do to give a good image?

Going to the concrete, some aspects to assess when letting our behavior speak well about us is to follow these guidelines:

1. be communicative

Maintaining a distant attitude can mean two things: either you have nothing interesting to show or you are hiding something.

• You are interested in: "The 10 basic communication skills"

2. speak bluntly

Rambling or speaking in a very formal way in a context that does not require it is a kind of communication barrier that does not express honesty.

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3. Do not avoid talking about your own imperfections

If the conversation leads to it, do not avoid talking about your own failures, past mistakes and weaknesses. That shows that you trust the other person, which makes them adapt their attitude to match ours.

4. Give a realistic vision of what can be offered

Rather than talking directly about what can be done to help the other as if it were a series of personal skills that the other person can "rent", it is better to demonstrate in the here and now a willingness to make the relationship work and is comfortable to wear. In the first case, a series of theoretically advantageous characteristics is communicated unilaterally, while in the second uses the conversation to express the desire to listen to the other person and their own needs.