Phobia of kisses (phylemaphobia): causes and treatment

Philemaphobia, also known as filematophobiaIt is the phobia of kisses. Phobias are anxiety disorders in which those who suffer from them feel great fear when coming into contact with with the phobic stimulus, which causes great anxiety and, as a consequence, the attempt to avoid said stimulus.

Kisses are a great show of love, but people with this type of phobia feel a rejection of these acts full of love. In this article we will talk about filemaphobia and we will review its causes, symptoms and consequences.

• Related article: “What are kisses good for? Why do we like them so much?”

What is the phobia of kisses

Filemaphobia or extreme fear of kissing can develop in those people who think they don't kiss well (for example, due to some bad experience) and are afraid to do it because of what others may think of they. This causes them anxiety and discomfort. and that is why they avoid this type of situation.

Kissing phobia can cause serious problems in interpersonal relationships, as it can make the person not want to have intimate or romantic relationships with other people and hinders their social interaction. This phobic disorder can be part of erotophobia or sex phobia.

• Related article: "Phobia of sex (erotophobia): causes, symptoms and treatment"

Other related phobias

However, filemaphobia can also be related to other phobias, which would make the person suffering from this disorder refuse to kiss others to avoid some phobic stimuli such as bad breath or physical contact.

1. mysophobia

Sometimes, filemaphobia can be related to the fear of germs, which makes the person think that by kissing they can catch a disease. Logically, this refers to "kissing on the mouth", since the individual thinks that in the saliva there may be germs or bacteria that are harmful to his body.

2. Halitophobia

The fear of kissing can also be related to halitophobia, that is, the smell that the person gives off from their mouth. Not only the smell and bad breath of other individuals, but his own as well. this condition can be related to bromidrosiphobia, that is, the fear of body odors.

3. Hafephobia

Haphephobia is the fear of touching or the fear of touch and it negatively affects the person who suffers from it. These individuals can feel great anxiety about any kiss, even those on the cheek. This greatly hinders interpersonal relationships.

4. Fear of intimacy and vulnerability

The kiss is an intimate act in which love is shown towards a person. But some individuals may feel great fear in these situations. Fear of intimacy can be associated with low self-esteem and a negative self image.

On the other hand, the fear of vulnerability often has to do with the fear of abandonment or the fear of not being liked by others.

Causes of philemaphobia

As it is a specific phobia its development usually has its origin in associative learning, since there are many studies that have verified that the vast majority of phobias are learned by classical conditioning.

This is so because a traumatic experience from the past that causes a strong emotional reaction and which is not originally related to the phobic stimulus, that is, kisses (or intimacy, physical contact, etc.), causes a connection between the two.

If originally that stimulus was neutral, after the strong emotional reaction, becomes a fear conditioned stimulus, and causes great anxiety and a strong desire to avoid when the person thinks about or experiences this phobic situation.

But in addition to this learning as a cause, other authors affirm that there are also biological origins, and that human beings, due to genetics and the need for the evolution of the species, are prone to suffer from this conditioning in front of certain stimuli, because fear helps us to be alert and to survive (or at least it helped us in the past).

• Related article: "Types of Phobias: Exploring Fear Disorders"

Kissing phobia symptoms

The phobia of kisses presents the same symptoms as other phobias, the only thing that changes is the stimulus that causes the reaction. In other words, what causes discomfort and anxiety are kisses.

Anxiety, therefore, is the characteristic symptom, and for this reason it belongs to the group of anxiety disorders. However, the symptomatology also includes:

• Physical symptoms: sweating, hyperventilation and shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, tremors, chills, chest tightness, dry mouth, nausea, dizziness, headaches...
• Psychological symptoms: thoughts that the person can spread deadly diseases, that is, distorted thoughts.
• Behavioral symptoms: avoidance of the feared situation or stimulus, that is, kissing.

How to overcome the fear of kissing

Philemaphobia negatively affects the life of the person who suffers from it, especially their interpersonal relationships. Fortunately, it is possible to overcome this disorder thanks to psychological therapy.

Like any phobia, the form of psychotherapy that has proven to be most effective for this pathology is cognitive behavioral therapy, whose objective is intervention focused on changes in mental processes (thoughts, beliefs, emotions…) and the behaviors and behaviors that the person performs and that can be maladaptive and dysfunctional.

Cognitive behavioral therapy includes techniques from cognitive therapy and behavioral therapies, and may include, but is not limited to, cognitive restructuring techniques, social skills, training in problem solving, relaxation techniques and exposure techniques. These last two are used very frequently for the treatment of phobias.

Regarding exposure techniques, systematic desensitization has turned out to be very effective, and consists of gradually exposing the patient to the phobic stimulus. This technique also promotes more useful coping skills for the patient when they are in the situation that causes them anxiety or discomfort.

But cognitive behavioral therapy is not the only form of treatment, rather cognitive therapy based on Mindfulness (MBCT) it also seems to work very well for this type of disorder and other anxiety disorders.

In extreme cases, administration of anxiolytic drugs it is also a therapeutic option; however, it should always be combined with psychotherapy.

• Related article: "Types of anxiolytics: drugs that fight anxiety"