A little jealousy, but not too much please

Being jealous is as common as feeling afraid. Being a little jealous is not so unpleasant for the person who is sorry, because it revives the desire, and it is not so serious for the one who receives the jealousy, because he feels valued. But jealousy can be lived like hell and lead us to delusions while we imagine, to sink into a deep anguish, to go crazy with rage, to excesses and as a consequence to addictions.

Sometimes we think that jealousy is the way to realize that we love the other. and that we do not want anyone else to want it, nor for our love to feel desires for another person and/or thing.

• Related article: "The types of jealousy and its different characteristics"

envy and jealousy

The truth is that you cannot talk about jealousy without understanding its double, envy.. We feel envy when we are excluded from joy, which we want to possess. Jealousy appears in a love triangle, while envy can lead to hatred of the other. Everything that makes the other greater, some experience as a reduction of oneself.

We can deduce, then, that envy can appear after jealousy, because that other has a joy that we do not possess. Envy points to the impossible, which is to possess what the other possesses, while jealousy is born from the fear of losing what we already have.

• You may be interested in: "Psychology of envy: 5 keys to understand it"

The soul of the jealous

The soul of the jealous oscillates between love, hate and envy. Therefore, jealousy is more complex than envy. The jealous person is envious of who gets the attention of his love object, and hates his lover because he feels something for another. However, at the same time the desire increases and he wants to possess his beloved even more.

For this reason, which is maddening in my view, the jealous person can go from the strongest union, to an immense abyss of separation, in a matter of seconds. The jealous person does not support even a slight alteration in the bond that unites him with the other person.

• Related article: "Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"

jealousy is passionate

Jealousy makes us feel humiliated, hurt and angry. Feel jealous opens the door to the imaginationThe jealous person looks for concrete evidence, in a telephone, on a piece of paper, in whatever, to put an end to the feeling of lack of control that invades him. Loss of control is an unbearable feeling.

Personally, I can't stand jealousy or jealous people, this motivates me to work with my patients and help them to be safe, independent, with a defined ego structure, and accept the obvious that one cannot act on the will or on the desire of the other. Once they understand this, they live calmer and happier.

The anger of the jealous

The anger of the jealous, causes agitation in the body, and looks for evidence, the more he searches, the more he thinks he finds. The flip side of this anger is that the loved one becomes more desirable at the same time., because the loved one desires outside, and this is used by some perverts as an aphrodisiac, which helps them to maintain the couple, but only for a while.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"

Is jealousy a disease?

Although jealousy is normal in a two-way relationship, the chaos they cause if they become something permanent is more like madness, since the imagination can fly very high or lead them directly to hatred.

Jealousy leads one person to depend on another, to stormy confrontations, and even to a separation that can lead to the destruction of the other or a crime of passion.

Sometimes the jealous reflect and feel ridiculous; and guilt appears, added to jealousy that does not leave him alone. Jealousy is far from being something that is enjoyed, it devours us and ends up making us melancholic.

Loving someone always makes us a little more vulnerable and we are exposed to passionate anguish. We are afraid that the other will disappear, therefore, it is normal to feel jealous. Jealousy becomes pathological when the other is locked in a space where they can only see the reflection of themselves and their own insecurity.