How to free myself from toxic people?

In an ideal world, we would all have the time and skills to help those most hostile, selfish or passive-aggressive to establish healthy bonds both with ourselves and with the rest of the society.

However, the reality is that if we do not want to be completely physically and psychologically disabled, we must give up taking care of all the problems of those who do not treat us well. In other words, we must learn to free ourselves from toxic people for the sake of our mental health; or at least, to treat them under our own conditions and terms. Here are some key ideas about how to achieve it.

• Related article: "The Types of Toxic Relationships"

How do toxic people affect us?

Toxic people are those who have a marked predisposition to cause us discomfort even through of seemingly banal actions from day to day, mainly due to his way of relating to us. Furthermore, this term applies to those who they wear us down psychologically not in a timely manner, but rather frequently, because they are part of some of the social circles through which we usually move. For example, they can be co-workers, distant relatives, neighbors, etc.

In short, what characterizes toxic people is that they give rise to toxic relationships, at least with regard to the way they treat us. In some cases, they behave more or less correctly with some of their acquaintances, but not with all of them due to dynamics of classism, xenophobia, etc.

Main effects of toxic people are:

• They try to normalize disrespect towards us to undermine our self-esteem.
• Many times they try to put us on the target of their criticism in front of others, so that the rest join us and we feel isolated.
• They resort to emotional blackmail to try to obtain favorable treatment, so that denying them something costs a lot.
• They use to their advantage the times we have given in to them in the past, always expecting that special treatment. They put us in a vicious circle of constant favors.
• They make us feel relieved when they direct their criticism at others, without realizing that it serves to create a false sense of camaraderie.

• You may be interested in: "What is social psychology?"

Tips to free ourselves from toxic people

These are some recommendations based on assertiveness that you can follow so that you are able to find an answer to the key question: how to get rid of toxic people?

1. Identify the person from their behavior

The first step to get rid of a toxic person is to concretely identify those behaviors that are harmful to us or affect us in any way. This may be simple, but it is not easy, because habit can make us normalize those attitudes that are harmful to us.

In order to identify them, we must take into account the main characteristics of toxic people, which are the ones we have seen before. On the other hand, it can be useful to take notes regularly in a personal journal, and reread it on a weekly basis.

2. Reduce contact

Another of the tips that you can put into practice to get rid of a toxic person is to reduce progressively contact with that individual, in those interactions that are not very important due to the context.

In cases where it is essential to see that person every day, because they are a close relative or a co-worker, we can divert our attention towards other issues and pay as little attention as possible to her presence, avoiding direct confrontation to take away the opportunity for them to victimize.

• Related article: "Selfishness or self care?"

3. make group plans

If it is impossible to be physically apart from that person, group plans will help us to be with more people and to dilute the effect of the toxic person included in the plan. In addition to that, it will allow us not to have to be alone with that person and to avoid the toxic effect of it.

We can use this strategy when we share friends or family with the toxic person in question. In addition to that, making group plans will also allow us to focus our attention on the plan, and on other friends or family members.

4. Set clear boundaries

Establishing personal limits is also a sign of emotional intelligence and managing emotions in the most problematic relationships. You must make it clear what you do not tolerate in a relationship or conversation. Don't let the toxic person blur the boundaries you've drawn; Expose them clearly and every time you go through them and ask for explanations, if it is with witnesses, the better. If you decide not to face these types of situations, in a very short time those rules will have disappeared..

5. Don't neglect your self esteem

It may be that by the time you have set out to free yourself from toxic people, your self-esteem is already undermined by their influence. If this is the case, it is best that you go to psychotherapy to once again be able to defend your interests and points of view on an equal footing.

6. put the ball in his court

Another useful strategy is to show disrespect as a sign that the toxic person is not interested in dealing with you. In that case, once she has behaved in that way, you have a free hand to ignore her, and in the event that she asks what the change in attitude is due to, points out that his actions lead him to think that this is what he wants. That way they will be in a position to justify their behavior or accept that you are going to continue to ignore them.

7. Train your ability to say no

If you notice that the challenge of assertively face that relationship, it may be a good idea to first practice for a couple of weeks your ability to say no to things that other people ask of you. Going from the easiest to the most difficult, and having set a deadline to intervene in your relationship with the toxic person, you will experience very rapid progress.

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