The 9 common mistakes when trying to get over a breakup

Although it is true that they affect everyone differently, breakups can become one of those difficult experiences to bear in a person's life. If we add to this that they are normally accompanied by a feeling of disorientation and a lack of references when deciding how to deal with that experience, it is easy for in this situation we end up falling into behaviors that harm us or, at least, do not help us turn the page (even though we are trying by all means).

In short, it is quite common in psychotherapy to see cases of people who have been making mistakes trying to get over a break up and, therefore, they have remained anchored in a state of constant emotional discomfort.

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The main common mistakes when trying to get over a breakup

This is a brief summary of the most common mistakes that can be made when trying to get over a breakup; experiences that are totally counterproductive or can even make the situation worse.

1. social isolation

Social isolation is one of the first strategies that many people resort to after a breakup. painful, usually to reflect, take time for themselves or because the pain is unbearable and have no desire to deal with social interactions, preferring to engage in introspection.

This tendency to personal reflection only makes us review the memories with that person over and over again and that we are continually overwhelmed by images that we have in our memory with him or her.

The fact of refusing to go out with other people prevents us from exposing ourselves to other stimuli or experiences that get us out of that self-destructive loop. As well as living new enriching experiences that make us forget the bad taste of the breakup.

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2. try not to think about the breakup

Some people have tendency to try very hard not to think about the relationship that has ended and avoid evoking memories about anything that could be related to the drama they have recently experienced.

As always happens when we try to get a specific thought out of our head, this technique usually has the effect contrary to what is desired and what ends up happening is that the thoughts continue in our head with greater force and persistence.

These kinds of painful thoughts are usually happy memories or ideas we have about the person we just broke up with.

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3. Ban our environment from talking about it

Often when people are suffering from a recent breakup they may start to forbid your environment (friends, family and people you know from work or your daily life) to talk about what happened.

Forcing others not to talk about it or preventing them from talking about the breakup, it will only make it so that our loved ones cannot give us the support that we need so badly in these difficult times or help us in a way adapted to our problems and in the way we need it. In addition, it will generate a rarefied environment in those relationships, making both parties feel distanced from the other.

On top of that, turning any painful topic into a taboo will only contribute to us having more pain, by not being able to express ourselves or get out all our emotions that we harbor inside.

4. Review your pages on social media

Some people find it impossible to forget their ex-partner after a breakup and because of this they decide to keep in touch with them at all costs and using any means possible.

One of the things that some people do in cases of rupture and that is a big mistake on many levels is to review the pages on networks social networks of their former partners, to follow their every move and control at all times who they see or if they have started dating someone.

This can be very damaging to whoever does it and the only thing that is achieved by doing it is to prevent us from getting over our ex-partner, by introducing ourselves into a series of routines that are notthey lead you to think about that person through a perspective linked to romantic love.

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5. Find another couple similar to the previous one

After a traumatic breakup, some people may initiate unusual and unhealthy behaviors, such as starting to look for another potential partner who has characteristics similar to your ex partner.

This can be done both consciously or unconsciously, in either case, it is done with the intention of look for someone who can fill the void that that person has left us or replace our old partner with someone similar to him or her.

If we see that we have a tendency to look for someone who physically or psychologically resembles our partner, we can always go to see a psychologist to help us work through all those traumas and pain that the illness has caused us breaking off.

6. Find guilty

Finding guilty about what happened is a strategy put into practice by people who have not ended on good terms with their partner after a breakup.

After a painful breakup, for whatever reason, one of the two people may feel hurt, attacked or wronged and deems it necessary to express her disagreement with her ex-partner or make it clear that all the blame falls on that other partner person.

This is a very harmful strategy, since we will only be able to bring negativity to the new situation and the pain will It will last even longer, the longer the discussion lasts to see whose fault it was and who was responsible for the breaking off.

7. Not asking for help (considering it a sign of weakness)

Asking friends or family for help after a breakup is always the best option, since it is preferable to go through this type of situation with the support of those loved ones that we appreciate the most.

On the contrary, deciding to go through this bad experience in solitude and without support from our closest environment will only bring us pain, anguish and difficulties in overcoming the breakup.

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8. Let go of self-care

Some people may stop eating right, doing healthy activities they did before, or good to stop maintaining hygiene habits such as showering, shaving or brushing teeth, something that can be used deliberately as a form of self-punishment. In other words, it is an attempt to redeem himself from the feeling of guilt. But these types of strategies, normally applied semi-consciously, are totally counterproductive, among other things because they contribute constant reminders about the crisis we are going through, be it in the form of general malaise, itchy skin, shame at the idea of ​​leaving house etc

9. Believing that love is not for us

The tendency to assume that love relationships are not for you, or believe that we will never find love in lifeIt is common in those people who have suffered a lot after a love breakup.

These types of thoughts are the product of suffering and the feeling of desolation, anguish and depression in which people find themselves immersed after going through this type of situation.

To prevent this from happening we must try not to get discouraged and find habits, people or thoughts that make us feel more positive, motivated and hopeful for the future.