Fear of change: why it happens and how to fix it

Fear of change or uncertainty is one of the most frequent psychological and emotional difficulties in humans. We fear the future, the uncertain, what can happen, and above all we doubt if we are going to be able to face it. The fear of change or uncertainty causes us anxiety, anguish, and eventually discouragement. How can we solve it?

Living with some fear of change is natural. Human beings are social beings, of habits and routines. We need a certain routine to build security and stability. However, we live in an increasingly uncertain and dynamic context, where we feel increasingly insecure.

We cannot avoid the fear of change, but you can learn to manage it so that it is not so intense, frequent and lasting, in such a way that it does not limit you so much and you can live with more acceptance and trust.

Now that the end of the year is approaching, it is always a good opportunity to reflect and seek change. what you need, but not a change in what happens outside, but a change in you, that is deep and stable.

Why are we so afraid of change and uncertainty? What is it leading you to? How can you solve it to live with more well-being?

We are going to look for solutions to these answers from the experiences that the people I accompany in their change processes get. Let's go for it.

Why are we afraid of change and uncertainty?

Feeling fear at certain times in our lives is natural. It can happen in relationships, in the face of possible crises or breakups, or when thinking about the future: what will happen to the children, relationships, work...

Fear is actually a positive emotion (like all emotions if you know how to manage it properly), since protects us. The problem comes when we don't know how to understand and manage those emotions.

By acting as a protective emotion, fear tries to paralyze us in the face of possible risks. However, those risks are always subjective interpretations. In this way, fear paralyzes us through doubts, with intrusive thoughts, causing us not to make decisions or, for On the contrary, avoiding certain contexts too much or even trying to control other situations (as it happens with relationships).

Thus, We are afraid of all that prognosis that makes us feel insecurity and risk. It can occur due to various factors.

What causes us fear of change

These are the effects of this phenomenon:

• Anxiety: when fear becomes general in your life, anxiety arises as a very unpleasant psychological, emotional and also physiological sensation. There is pressure in the chest, tiredness and shortness of breath. Anxiety causes us to be in a state of alert, and we interpret everything that happens as a possible risk (without actually being one).
• intrusive thoughts: Thinking repeatedly about possible risks (what we call "ruminating") is also a consequence of anxiety and alertness. For this reason we need to reduce anxiety (without drugs, but naturally through your breath)
• Trust and beliefs about you: When your evaluation of yourself is focused on possible risks instead of your possibilities, more mistrust and fear are generated.
• Dysfunctional fear management: when we live unpleasant experiences, we fear that they may happen again. In this way, fear conditions you and your behavior, as well as interpretations, beliefs, communication, etc., is oriented to excessively protect yourself, either by avoiding situations or by controlling (which is expressed with anger, jealousy, etc.).

Although the fear of change seems like the problem, it's really about the way you understand and manage it.

Psychological factors: anxiety and discouragement

Finally, when the fear of change or uncertainty is too constant, anxiety is generated. Anxiety is so exhausting that over time it leads to discouragement. We get discouraged from living in an anxious state for too long.

The anxiety is a state of alert, which conditions your way of interpreting situations and acting. In turn, anxiety is related to the way you breathe. When you enter an anxious state, you breathe quickly and shallowly, so that the diaphragm is little dilated and moves quickly. This movement causes that unpleasant pressure on the chest.

If your fear of change or uncertainty has led you to an anxious state, it is essential to first decrease the intensity of anxiety. Although it is usual to do it with drugs, this is only useful in times of crisis. In the long term, what is really functional is learning to breathe completely, so that reduce the intensity of anxiety and not depend on drugs that over time build tolerance.

Now, what good is that fear for us? How can you manage it so that it does not condition you so much?

What is fear for?

Fear, as we speak, is a practical emotion. We feel it throughout our lives to protect ourselves, generate security and autonomy. However, as we are adults we live unpleasant experiences (breakups, goals that are not achieved, conflicts in relationships, etc.). The mission of fear is to protect us, but if we do not know how to understand and manage it in a functional way, it ends up being too intense, frequent and long-lasting.

It is not about being afraid of something specific, but about living conditioned by fear. Fear, as a state of alert, constantly warns us of possible risks, but they really depend on our interpretation of the facts.

One of the most common interpretations is that we are afraid of the past because of what we have experienced. Actually, any past experience only conditions us according to how you manage those emotions.

That is to say: our fear of what can happen it is conditioned by what we do and interpret, not by the past. If you learn to understand and manage what you feel, no past experience will be so difficult to overcome. Let's see how you can achieve it.

How to face the uncertain: a change in you

Our life and future is pure uncertainty, and we cannot control the external factors that will come into our lives. People build routine and habits to generate security. However, the passage of time makes us live with more and more fear and stress.

The problem is not in those emotions or in fear (without which it would not be possible to live) but in the way you understand and manage it. For this reason, the change must come from you, in a profound and practical way. It is not about not being afraid, but about knowing how to handle it in order to live with more confidence and acceptance.

For this it is necessary to have these keys and lessons:

• Decrease anxiety and intrusive thoughts: when we learn to breathe fully, anxiety decreases, and therefore, it will be easier to handle intrusive and negative thoughts that paralyze us constantly
• Learn to manage your emotions: through your own behaviors, to understand what you feel, how you interpret it, and how you could manage it different (with concrete actions) to generate more acceptance (knowing what is in your hand and what is not) and trust (making important decisions and actions for you)
• That your well-being depends mainly on you: although the world always affects us, everything changes when your well-being depends mainly on you, on your actions, decisions and interpretations. This is what helps us build self-esteem that works stably
• Let it be a profound and above all stable change: so that, despite the uncertainty and fear that we may have of change, we face our reality with confidence and calm.

There are, in turn, a series of keys to manage fear and make it work 100%. Let's see which ones.

Keys to managing fear

As we speak, fear itself is a positive emotion, as it protects our life. Trying to "live without fear" (as they say today) is pointless. However, we can learn to manage fear so that it has the right intensity and does not limit your life.

The keys to managing it in a functional and above all stable way are the following:

• Learning to understand how you manage your fear now: what do you interpret, how do you value yourself, how do you project the future, etc. If we discover how you manage your fears, insecurities and emotions now, we can work with the change you need.
• See how it limits your life: fear conditions us more than we think, and it is also the root of other emotions, such as anger, guilt or frustration
• Have a concrete action plan: that leads you towards the changes you need in a practical way. The only way to achieve real changes is with actions, not just reflection.
• Work with all parts of your personality: with your emotions, but also with your self-esteem, belief system, communication, way of relating, etc., since all parties are conditioned mutually.

Concluding…

The most important key to achieve the change and learning that you 100% need is to have an expert and above all constant company. For this reason, as a psychologist and coach I do not accompany only with eventual sessions, but with perseverance, every day, and for any need that people have. We also work with weekly sessions and tools, so that we achieve changes from the beginning and can internalize that learning.

If that's what you want, remember at empoderamientohumano.com or in my Psychology and mind profile you can find the option to contact me. What we need is not to leave fear behind, but to have a firm commitment to knowing it and managing it so that it becomes smaller and smaller and you can live with more freedom, peace and well-being.