How to Raise Defiant and Rebellious Children: 8 Parenting Tips

Parenting can create distress when children ignore parental directions, or even become defiant when prompted. This is something that often happens and many mothers and fathers do not know what to do about it.

In this article we will see how to educate defiant and rebellious children so that parenting does not become a distressing process for adults and children. In addition, we are also going to see the importance of correcting this type of behavior on time.

• Related article: "Educational psychology: definition, concepts and theories"

Why is it important to correct these behaviors?

Some parents ignore their children's challenging behavior, mistakenly thinking that As they get older, they will leave behind these behaviors without the need for them to have to to intervene. Nothing further from reality.

The truth is that If we do not know how to educate defiant and rebellious boys and girls, we are exposed to the fact that these behaviors will intensify as they get older, and then it will be more and more difficult to correct these negative behavior patterns.

Ideally, we should focus on correcting unwanted behaviors as soon as possible; Significant behavior changes are more likely when children are in early stages of social and cognitive development. If we ignore the oppositional behavior of children, then we could have to face the situation of having an adolescent with markedly dissocial behavior.

There is a triad of psychological traits that begins in childhood with challenging behaviors; then in adolescence these behaviors intensify and become known as dissocial, until reaching their full development in adulthood.

How to educate challenging children?

In the next few lines we are going to see a list of tips on how to properly educate children with behaviors of constant opposition to the norm and rebellion.

1. discipline with affection

In general, Many people think that affection only spoils children., and the truth is that it is the opposite. You can discipline using affection as a base, the secret is to maintain a proper balance between affection and authority.

2. Avoid physical punishment

When we hit children because they misbehaved, all we do is reinforce the negative behaviors in them. We give them reasons to challenge us, and we make them become disobedient to get out of this dynamic of violence..

Keep in mind that when you hit a child you are not making them respect you, but fear you, and educating based on fear is never healthy for anyone. Instead of physical punishment, you can choose to take away from the child an object that is significant to him, or, failing that, some privilege for a while.

Also it is important that you explain to the child why you are punishing himThus, he will be able to internalize that the negative behavior he carried out led him to punishment and thus begins the extinction of said behavior in him. It is useless to punish arbitrarily without an explanation involved.

• You may be interested in: "Positive Punishment and Negative Punishment: how do they work?"

3. Avoid laughing at negative behaviors

A fairly common mistake that caregivers make is to take the behaviors as something funny. maladaptive behaviors of children, even laughing at the negative behaviors presented by the infant. Although this may seem harmless at first, It's actually negative reinforcement., which will harm us.

If we take the rebelliousness of children, their tantrums or their ways of circumventing the rules as something funny, we will be normalizing this behavior in them, and then it will be more difficult to make the behaviors disappear desired.

The ideal is to show them that what they have done affects us, and take a serious attitude when doing so.

4. Do not let the disrespect pass

Some parents or caregivers allow children to be hostile to them, and do not correct them when they raise their voices or talk back. This type of permissive parenting is also not healthy for either party..

If we don't teach children the value of respect from an early age, they will grow up with the mistaken idea that they have the right to express their ideas in a hostile way and that this is normal. Is about make children see that there are adaptive ways of expressing their emotionswith kindness and respect.

5. Avoid comparisons

Children like to feel special, and that adults who are significant to them see it that way. When we make the mistake of making habitual comparisons between two or more children, we are generating a feeling of frustration in them. The most recommended is focus on the virtues of each of them, without comparing.

6. Show unconditional love

The unconditional love that we offer to children represents a protective factor against any negative behavior that they may have; the right way to do it is through positive discipline. Hugging, verbally showing affection, and spending quality time with them.

7. help with routine

The routines help children maintain control over themselves, and at the same time they favor that they begin to learn to be disciplined with respect to the things they must do. It is recommended that together with the boy or girl we make a schedule of daily activities and we take care of helping him to fulfill them.

8. Reward good behavior

In the same way that we must punish bad behaviors, it is important to make sure that that the child knows that we are happy with his way of behaving. Prizes do not necessarily have to be objects; Telling him that we are happy with him and showing him affection at the right time will suffice.

Bibliographic references:

• Castorina, J. A. and Lenzi, A.M. (eds.) (2000). The formation of social knowledge in children. Psychological research and educational perspectives. Barcelona: Gedisa.
• Perez Pereira, M. (1995). New perspectives in developmental psychology. A critical historical approach. Madrid: Publishing Alliance.