How to help our children when they fail?

At exam time it is common for our children to go through some psychological states related to stress, anxiety or even low self-esteem, phenomena linked to the pressure of not falling below a certain grade and the fear of failing.

In this sense, when a child or adolescent fails, it is likely that they feel bad and experience a series of questions about its validity in order to face challenges and solve problems. problems, a fact that is aggravated if, as fathers and mothers, we adopt a blaming and overly moralistic approach, based on demanding efforts and sacrifices without measuring their consequences. Therefore, in this article I will talk about How to help our children when they fail an exam, taking into account their needs and the opportunities that this context offers for them to learn from their mistakes.

Tips to help our children when they fail an exam

The general guidelines and recommendations that you will find below are a brief guide so that, as parents, Let's support our children to psychologically manage a failure and address this problem in an assertive and constructive.

1. Promote emotional management, not the overturning of frustrations

Emotional management is one of the skills that must be worked on with our child so that her emotions do not affect her to the point of generating self-sabotage dynamics.

We can define emotional management as the modulation of psychological processes linked to feelings and emotions, making them work in our favor and not get in the way of us and our long-term goals. This aptitude, closely associated with the emotional intelligenceIt goes through identifying our emotions, both positive and negative, and if necessary, replacing the negative ones with more adaptive ones.

In this sense, when facing a failing in an exam that our child has taken, it is important that we do not turn this situation in an overturn of our frustration as fathers and mothers to see that our expectations have not been met compliment; this often leads to sterile confrontations and arguments in which assertiveness is much less important than "letting off steam" in the moment. It is much better to focus on helping the young man in the house to manage this discomfort, to repair your self-esteem, and to learn from what happened looking to the future.

2. Motivate you

Maintaining a motivated attitude is also essential for our son or daughter to overcome the bad taste of failing and for them to realize that the world does not end because of a fail.

Encourage him by talking about his past accomplishments It is a good way to help recover the motivation, making him see that in the past he has been able to learn a lot about a subject and pass an exam and that he can do it again.

Motivation also helps both parents and children to maintain a positive attitude that is compatible with a learning process.

• Related article: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

3. Offer support, be open to what they have to say

Not all our actions as fathers or mothers should be unilateral; even though we are the adults in the house, there are many things we don't know, both about our son and her circumstances at school. Parents' support in the face of one or more failures by their children is based on trying to always maintain a positive attitude and not appear angry, so as not to delve deeper into the problem.

Parents should always be open to listening to what their child has to say and to helping them identify the possible problem that may exist, either academically or psychologically, in the child's life or the girl.

In addition to that, it is also necessary to provide support to prepare for the next exam both at the academic and psychological, helping you at all times to put into practice useful strategies of study.

4. Enhance time management

Proper time management is a study strategy that can be very beneficial. That is why it is convenient to teach our children from an early age study strategies and time management guidelines that help them optimize their resources.

This can be done by helping them spot past mistakes in their time management. study in other exams, asking them to remember and analyze how they have distributed their study hours study.

Reflecting on the errors that we have been able to commit at the level of organization of time and distribution of hours, our son will be able to realize that things should not be left to the last moment.

• You may be interested in: "Types of motivation: the 8 motivational sources"

5. Enhance assertiveness

Assertiveness is one of the most important social skills that exist and consists of knowing how to express one's own feelings, emotions, ideas or needs to other people, always respecting the opinion and interests of the interlocutor and in a calm manner.

Assertiveness, like all social skills, can be taught and trained by both psychologists and some parents qualified in the matter and this ability contributes enormously to express themselves, to feel better and to better manage the emotions.

6. Provide psychological support

In addition to all the strategies mentioned above, seeing a psychologist can also be a very good way to explore the possibility of if there are significant psychological problems linked to self-esteem or your ability to learn in school classes.

A psychology professional will know how to identify the problem or problems that the boy or girl may present and know how to apply the corresponding strategies to correct it, some of which are many of the ones we have mentioned.

7. Keep calm

Staying calm in front of our son is also a way for him to understand that what happened is not that serious, there is a solution, and offers us a starting point in the process of correcting their academic course.

Staying calm at all times and not dramatizing suspense is the first step to finding a useful solution for the future. Otherwise, if we assume that this failure really reflects his supposed inability to study (or even his identity and essence), the phenomenon known as self-fulfilling prophecy.

8. Rather than apply punishment, emphasize consequences

Punishments should not be considered as attacks, but as measures derived from previous causes whose appearance in the future must be avoided. That is to say, express to him that a failing implies having to face “extra” tasks to rebalance his educational situation and avoid falling behind during the course of classes. Seen in this way, it is not assumed that our son will see the punishment as something that he would like not to comply with; quite the contrary, it shows him that we trust his maturity to understand that this is necessary.

Instead of blaming him, we need to get him to invest her energy into finding a way to succeed on the next test, always being assertive, kind, and supportive at all times.

Are you looking for psychological assistance?

If you want to have psychotherapeutic support, contact me.

My name is Carolina Marin, I am a psychologist federated by the FEAP, and I attend to adults, adolescents and families.