When not knowing how to manage the education of children causes a couple crisis

In psychology, the idea that "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts" is one of the valid principles in practically any of the fields of this science. And couples therapy is no exception in this regard. For this reason, once two people in a courtship or marriage relationship have a son or a daughter, the relationship undergoes a qualitative change, for better and for worse.

In some cases, this gives rise to challenges that are difficult to face, such as the need to adopt a parenting style coherent and consensual enough not to generate friction between parents or mothers.

Sometimes, the couple loves each other, but the relationship with the child (not the child itself) interferes in that relationship due to the fact that criteria have not been met. When this happens, the inability to manage well the education of the children at home triggers a crisis in the couple; Let's see the characteristics of this type of problem.

• Related article: "Respectful parenting of boys and girls: 6 tips for parents"

Causes of couple crises due to not knowing how to manage parenting

As a general rule, the way in which each member of the couple exercises their role as father or mother has an impact not only on the well-being and psychological development of the son or daughter, but also on relationships that take place within the family.

This is something that many new mothers and fathers do not take into account, and that can cause problems if it remains ignored for a long time: seeing our partner as a member more of the family and getting involved in roles that go beyond that of "husband", "wife", "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" also influences the emotional and intimate bond that we maintain with that person. person.

Bearing this in mind, below we will see how the problems to adequately handle the tasks and Parenting strategies and education at home can generate couple crises in those who have children in common.

1. Gives rise to jealousy dynamics

Although it may seem surprising, jealousy They don't just occur at the thought of being cheated on or in the context of siblings competing for parental attention. One or both members of the couple may also become jealous of the other if they feel that their behavior towards the child they have in common puts one in a bad light. For example, if it is always up to us to apply the rules and enforce the punishments, and the other person always shows the more permissive and condescending side of her.

• You may be interested in: "The types of jealousy and its different characteristics"

2. Facilitates the emergence of a fear of the lack of protection of the minor

If a person feels that their partner does not look enough for the safety and well-being of their child or daughter, she may get to the point where she can never relax by delegating parenting responsibilities, by the fear that the other person will apply parenting measures that we consider inadequate or even negligent.

In the most extreme cases, one of the parents may assume that the presence of her partner creates dangerous situations for the child due to the lack of parental competencies of this (for example, when thinking that the child can ask permission to go out to play in the street and receive the "yes" from the other person adult).

• Related article: "Family therapy: types and forms of application"

3. Feeds the clash between ideologies

In people who are in a relationship with other people with significantly different ideologies, discrepancies when raising children Children can foster this type of "clash" between philosophies of life and ways of interpreting what is desirable and undesirable, what is good and what is not. bad. For example, it may happen that a person tries to instill a competitive spirit in a child, while that the other tries to instill values ​​more related to compassion, cooperation and care mutual. Thus, the differences that already existed are catalyzed latently in the way of thinking of both adults.

4. Create shame in front of others

Finally, the fact that people outside that family nucleus come to witness the inconsistencies in the parenting, makes many couples feel very frustrated and ashamed to feel judged based on something that it is taken for granted that it should work smoothly and without constant conflicts.

• Related article: "The 5 types of shame and their characteristics"

Are you looking for psychological assistance?

If you are interested in having psychological support for adults, adolescents, couples or families, please contact me.

I am Froilan Ibáñez, a psychologist specialized in the cognitive-behavioral approach, and I offer my services online or in person at my office located in Castellón.