Lack of communication in the couple: 8 ways in which it is expressed

A fundamental pillar to make the couple relationship last is communication. But not just any kind of communication; It is necessary to learn to handle assertive and honest communication strategies to deal adequately with problems in the coexistence of a couple.

In this article we are going to review the different ways in which the lack of communication in the couple negatively affects the love bond, preventing a healthy development of the quality of life of the members that make it up and their way of interacting on a daily basis.

• Related article: "The 18 most common communication problems and errors"

The importance of communication in love relationships

Couples unions are mainly based on trust to create a strong bond that keeps two people together, and communication is an intrinsic part of the process of trusting someone. When we trust we are able to express our feelings, emotions and opinions in a frank and open way with the other person.

In this way, it can then be understood why the lack of communication in the couple complicates the fact that the relationship works properly.

Avoid uncomfortable topics and pretend there are no problems It is counterproductive, the ideal is to talk to find solutions, as well as to keep the other person aware of what they think and feel about all kinds of significant issues.

It is important that couples with communication problems are able to recognize this situation. on time, so that they can look for the necessary tools with which to improve this aspect of their relationship. Otherwise, the bond will become dysfunctional..

How does the lack of communication affect the couple?

Next we are going to review a list with the main consequences of the lack of communication in the couple's bond; These are factors that wear down the quality of the affective bond and expose us more to misunderstandings and even arguments and conflicts.

1. Passive-aggressive attitude

The passive-aggressive communication model can significantly harm the partner in times of conflict. The passive-aggressive attitude is based on appearing composure, a calm expression, a moderate tone of voice, and making see as nothing is wrong when in reality we are irritated and let it be known indirectly and ambiguous.

If you are able to stay calm or collected during arguments, prevent your words from being directly or indirectly hurtful; It is not enough to maintain a proper tone of voice and good composure when what you say hurts the other person.

• You may be interested: "The 14 types of couple: how is your romantic relationship?"

2. Not knowing how to listen

This problem represents one of the most common for couples, and is a consequence of the lack of communication in the relationship. It is common to see how in conversations people listen to respond, rather than to understand the message that the other person wants to get to them. The longer this situation continues, the greater the negative consequences it will leave behind.

When this occurs during arguments, the arguments become increasingly heated, and a point is never reached. conclusive, because the members of the couple constantly interrupt each other preventing anyone from expressing her points of view with normal.

3. Anger problems

Difficulties controlling your own emotions, especially anger, have a significant impact on the coexistence of the couple. This situation generates a vicious circle in which the feeling of anger makes us transmit ideas in the wrong way, and bad communication styles make us feel anger.

The best thing in this situation is to apply a good emotional recognition, so that we can know immediately that we are angry and avoid acting or saying things for as long as this emotion. Thus, we will be the ones who control the anger, and not the other way around.

4. Negative reviews

When we complain excessively and negatively about our partner, that reveals that we are doing something wrong in the communication process. The criticisms are linked to problematic circumstances that we have not been able to resolve.

If you don't like something about your partner, it is best to tell them and find a solution together. But if instead what happens is that you criticize their behavior without having the slightest intention to solve the conflict of origin, it is time to rethink the communicative styles that are they drive.

5. Ignoring the partner

Ignoring the partner is the most obvious form of miscommunication that exists. It is the total omission of any interest in improving the negative situation that damages the relationship. When we ignore, the implicit message we are sending is that we are not interested in doing something to improve the functioning of the relationship.

6. Disrespect

The offenses towards the couple only make the initial situation worse. Disrespecting the other while having an argument is the equivalent of putting more wood on the fire. We create a much more tense environment where anger and frustration take over the moment.

7. Stubborn attitude

Not giving the arm to twist is one of the things that keep us the most from proper communication with our partner. Sometimes it is better to lower our guard and accept that perhaps we have acted in an exaggerated way in any situation.

Doing this does not imply weakness or submission, on the contrary, it reflects that we are mature enough to understand that we are not always right and there are times when we must accept that we have been wrong, always learning from our mistakes.

8. Focus solely on us

While it is true that we must always have self-love and not allow our partner to be above our needs, it is also necessary to understand that relationships are the thing of (at least) two people, and we can't just focus on ourselves.

The ideal is to learn to see the needs of the other as important as well, to be able to reach agreements adaptive, which provide benefits to coexistence and create an environment of equality in the couple.

What to do to fix it?

The possibility of attending couples therapy It should be one of the options that every couple that goes through these kinds of problems considers.

In these sessions, work to improve the quality of communication is a central aspect of psychological intervention. The objective is not to look for culprits and victims, nor to make both of them unburden themselves, but to establish communication dynamics and of coexistence that take root in the day to day and beyond the sessions with the psychologist, so that the couple's relationship gains a new momentum, making sure that both have the resources to manage the possible problems or crises that may arise in this relationship loving.

Of course, you have to worry about find a good psychologist; In any case, keep in mind that it is better to opt for professionals trained in this field of intervention, which has its own characteristics that are not found in individualized psychotherapy.

Bibliographic references:

• Blow, A.J. & Hartnett, K. (2005). Infidelity in Committed Relationships II: A Substantive Review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31: pp. 217 - 233.
• Carreño, M. (1991). Psychosocial aspects of love relationships. Santiago de Compostela: University of Santiago de Compostela.
• Fehr, B.; Russell, J. (1991). The Concept of Love Viewed From a Prototype Perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• Sternberg, R.J. (1987). Liking vs. loving: a comparative evaluation of theories. Psychological Bulletin, 102 (3): pp. 331 - 345.