Toxic love: 10 characteristics of impossible couples

Relationships are not always easy And, in fact, conflicts are common; they can arise at any time and from the smallest details.

Each of the members of the relationship has their ideas and their way of understanding the world and life, and it is not always easy to understand the position of the other. However, with love and mastery of a series of social skills, as well as with a good dose of resilience and negotiation skills, the relationship can be successful.

On certain occasions, however, being in a relationship can be a real hell, because toxic love makes it impossible for things to turn out right. Toxic relationships have the characteristic that at least one member of the relationship has totally inappropriate behaviors and attitudes. If you want to know more about this type of relationship, you can read this article: "23 signs you have a ‘toxic relationship’ with a partner”.

Today we will talk about this love that causes so much suffering and we will delve into each of its characteristics.

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Types of love: toxic love

Not all loves are the same. We can find authentic loves that are pure and noble, those that are difficult to find. Authentic love is a love that is based on trust, respect, and freedom. There are also other types of love, such as passion, characterized by great physical attraction but little commitment.

Now, there are also loves that are stormy, if they can be called love, in which jealousy, lack of freedom, excessive control predominate. This type of love is toxic love, a love that, in most cases, She lives from dependence and illusion with nothing to support her.

And it is that love is a certainly complex issue, that is why many theorists have tried to approach and understand it, not always with consensus. One of the theorists best known for his contributions to understanding this phenomenon is Sternberg. This author is famous for making a classification of the different types of love. His Triangular Theory of Love proposes that there are three elements that interact with each other to form one type or another of love. These elements are: intimacy, passion and commitment. For example, love that is made up of the three elements is consummate love.

• You can learn more about his theory in the following article: "Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love”

Characteristics of toxic love

But, What are the characteristics of toxic love? What makes a love cause suffering? You can find the answers to these questions in the following lines:

1. Limited social life

Toxic love is characterized by the fact that the person leaves aside all her friendships and turns purely and exclusively into the relationship. This might seem like an act of love, but in reality it is a loss of autonomy.

The person stops frequenting the places he used to frequent, puts aside his interests, neglects old friends and, in short, stops being himself and loses his own essence. This can become overwhelming to the partner and, in addition, it makes the person no longer attractive.

2. Need for approval of love

The lover who gives a pure love fights for her personal development and does not expect anything from the partner, since he is satisfied with her life. Toxic love, on the other hand, is characterized because the individual seeks security, stability, and comfort in the couple's relationship. This is due to a great fear of being alone and of great insecurity. They are individuals with low self-confidence.

In highly dysfunctional love relationships, the need for affective treatment can lead people to become slaves to behaviors that harm them. The establishment of relationship dynamics in which power is held by only one member of the coupleFor example, it is as common as it is harmful, and it is not always easy to detect. In fact, if others draw attention to the symptoms of this problem, the person who suffers it usually denies everything in a brusque way, sometimes with anger.

For this reason, professional counseling tends to be valuable not only because of the intervention, but also because of the accompaniment in the hard process of recognizing the problem.

3. Emotional dependence

This insecurity makes the person feel a great emotional dependence, since your happiness depends on other individualss. This becomes a problematic situation and causes addiction to the couple even though things between both partners are not going well.

• If you identify with this point and want to overcome this situation, I invite you to read this article: "12 tips to overcome emotional dependence”

4. Obsession with the relationship

All these factors make the person obsessed with the relationship, in a way that does not let the couple breathe. Nor does he carry out healthy behaviors that help maintain the stability of the relationship. For example, do not negotiate or respect the other. Thus it is impossible for the couple or marriage to move forward.

5. It is irrational and unrealistic

Unlike what could happen in a mature and authentic love, rational and realistic love, that is, in the one that the person is aware of what he is living and not only feels but also thinks, love toxic it is a purely irrational love in the most negative sense that this can have, since it lives on illusion and unrealistic expectations. For a love to work it must be mature.

• Related article: "Mature love: why is the second love better than the first?”

6. Concern for change

In authentic love, the individual is happy when things are going well for his partner and he wants it to grow and develop. He is not afraid of change, because as a person he also fights for his personal interests, without forgetting, of course, those of the relationship. The same does not happen with toxic love, because the person who suffers it wants everything to be under their control. He does not care about the happiness of the other, only his own.

7. Is possessive

A healthy love is based on trust between the two members of the couple, it is based on freedom of choice. However, toxic love is the opposite, it is possessive. The individual you need to keep your partner under control at all times and know what he is doing and where he is going.

7. Is manipulative

In toxic love, unfortunately, emotional blackmail and manipulation are common. This occurs because the person is selfish, does not respect the other and acts in accordance with their interests.

His way of acting is to blame, intimidate and cause fear in his partner. It doesn't have to be physicalIt is enough to use expressions such as: "if you leave me, you don't love me." In this way, the other member of the couple feels guilty for what is happening.

• You may be interested: "Emotional blackmail: a powerful form of manipulation in the couple”

8. Try to change the other person

When a member of the couple try to change the other to an excessive degreeSo we are talking about toxic love. If love is authentic and mature, the individual loves his partner as he is. On the other hand, if it is toxic, it will encourage you to change something, for example, your physical appearance.

9. Blame the other

Healthy relationships are based on negotiation. People take their share of the blame when a problem occurs and are empathetic enough to understand others. In toxic relationships, one of the two always tries to blame the other. There is no room for negotiation, because the toxic lover always thinks he is right.

10. He makes suffer

Love should not make you suffer, because when this happens it is not authentic love. If love is true, the relationship is symmetrical: one day gives one and the next gives the other member of the couple. Obviously there may be misunderstandings and discussions, but they are solved in a mature way. The question is simple: Does this love make you suffer? If the answer is yes, then it is toxic love.