Emotional codependency: 11 characteristic symptoms

Emotional codependency is a very harmful symptom for relationships, because when the happiness of oneself depends on other people, one stops being who he really is and is not able to express his true self. Emotional codependency, like emotional dependence, is synonymous with a toxic relationship.

That is why it is good to know how to manage this phenomenon where it occurs; after all, our well-being is at stake.

• Related article: "23 signs you have a ‘toxic relationship’ with a partner”

Difference between emotional codependency and emotional dependence

Many individuals think that emotional dependence and emotional codependency are synonymous. But... is it really so? Nothing is further from reality. Emotional dependence and emotional codependency, although related, are different concepts.

The dependent person is one who, due to the dysfunctional characteristics of their Personality depends on another person to be happy, and uses that person to fill the void that she feels in their life. She is unable to back down despite the fact that her situation is conflictive and has no future. Emotional dependence

occurs in one of the partners, but the other does not have to be dependent. Dependent individuals manipulate their partner to benefit from their limited autonomy, their null capacity for empowerment and their low self-esteem.

However, emotional codependency takes place when a member of the couple is "addicted" to dependence on their partner and, therefore, to the need to help her and worry about her well-being.

Codependency is not altruistic behavior

The codependent person it is a kind of quieter controller and manipulator, who spends all the time waiting to get what he thinks his partner needs. In this attempt to protect the other, he ceases to be himself.

Your intention may seem altruistic, but in reality it is not. Codependent relationships are not healthy relationships and have a negative effect on the happiness of the person you are is codependent and partner, but it also affects your job, health, and even other relationships interpersonal.

• Related article: "The 7 keys to having a healthy relationship with your partner”

Symptoms of this type of dependence on the partner

Emotional codependency it is a relational style that needs to be corrected, and it is a way of thinking in which the person has the belief that he must sacrifice her welfare for others, regardless of the consequences.

Codependent people present a series of characteristics or signs that must be detected for the good progress of the relationship. They are as follows:

1. They feel responsible for the partner's feelings

Codependent people spend all their energy to meet the needs of their partner and they are constantly making sacrifices in their relationship. Although it is not bad to do some acts of love for the couple and help them when they are having a bad time, there must always be a balance.

Despite the fact that the partner of the codependent person may be dependent and have low self-esteem, the codependent does everything possible for the partner, leaving aside his own needs.

2. They get carried away by the emotional rather than rational part

In reality, codependent people they do not have the ability to solve their lover's problems, but rather they get carried away more by the emotional than the rational part. They have a deficit in their interpersonal relationships, for example, in terms of assertiveness; and despite sacrificing their welfare for the other, they do not achieve their purpose because they are not mentally strong people.

• Related article: "12 characteristics of mentally strong people”

3. They feel used and victimized when things don't go well

Since their behavior is not altruistic, codependent people often feel used and unappreciated for everything they do for their partner. The codependent will use a lot of energy to take over the life of another, all under the guise of altruism and sincerely wanting to help. When help or advice is ignored or unappreciated, the codependent feels angry and mistreated.

Thus, it is common to resort to emotional blackmail, as a desperate attempt to make the ties that hold the relationship together remain strong. Unfortunately, this strategy doesn't just cause the other person discomfort; In addition, it achieves the opposite effect to that intended, since it is clear that it is a form of manipulation, many Sometimes even when you agree to do what the other wants and it seems that in the short term that strategy has worked effect.

4. They have unclear limits

These types of individuals take everything personally, since the limits of the emotional codependent are unclear. The boundaries are a kind of imaginary line between the members of the couple, in which each one knows how far he has to go so as not to hurt the other.

This makes sense, for example, for intimate relationships or for belonging, but also in feelings, thoughts and needs. In this sense, they have unclear limits. On the one hand they give everything for the couple, but on the other they blame them and throw everything in the face of the minimum of change.

5. They are controlling

Codependent people use manipulation or blame to control the behavior of others. These tactics may be unconscious, but in the end the emptiness and the need to feel useful will becomes a controlling person, who constantly seeks to offer his help even if the other person does not need. Therefore, he is not actually offering you real help, but pretending to meet his own needs through this seemingly altruistic behavior.

6. They are obsessive

Codependent individuals spend too much time thinking about other people and how they will be. All this is caused by their dependency, their anxiety and their fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they have or could have made a mistake, because they value themselves negatively and do not tolerate frustration.

Thus, one of the central elements of the mental state of these people is anticipatory anxiety.

• Related article: "Obsessive personality: 8 habits that lead to obsession"

7. They have low self-esteem

Negative valuation is frequent in this type of individuals. One of the main causes of this phenomenon is that they have low self-esteem. They are people who, in addition to being codependent, are dependent on the situation and fear rejection, as they do not feel comfortable with themselves.

8. Poor social skills

They are also people who do not usually have highly developed social skills and, therefore, channel much of their energy into a single individual. Helping others is positive, but in this context of social skills deficit, giving help becomes a great dependency that aims to feel valued and appreciated.

• Related article: "Top 14 Soft Skills for Success in Life”

9. Deny reality

They are people who often deny reality, especially in the face of relationship and relationship problems. Although they are very attentive to helping their boyfriend or girlfriend and pay a lot of attention, they have a poor problem-solving ability.

10. They get trapped in a toxic relationship

Due to low self-esteem, these individuals are often trapped in an unsatisfactory and toxic relationship, even though they are aware that it is not benefiting them. Codepentine people spend too much time trying to change their partner, because in reality they are the ones who have a problem to change.

11. They are not emotionally intelligent

These individuals lie to themselves and make excuses for the bad behavior of others. Since they avoid their own feelings and have a poor capacity for self-knowledge and reflection, develop techniques for lying to themselves about the behavior of others.

They do not know themselves, nor do they regulate their emotions or have good communication skills. In short, they are not emotionally intelligent.