10 toxic beliefs that can destroy a relationship

In the Couple relationships It is essential to lay the material foundations so that this life together can develop: choose a good apartment, balance work hours, share responsibilities well, etc.

Toxic beliefs that can corrupt a relationship

However, it is no less true that for the relationship to come to fruition it is necessary, in addition to surrounding oneself with objects and habits that allow mutual support, develop good attunement on a psychological level. Or what is the same, to discard all the toxic ideas and beliefs related to how life should be lived in common, the role of each member of the couple and the intentions of the other person that move them to be with U.S.

Here are some of these toxic beliefs, so that from self-reflection they can be recognized and questioned by those who may have them even without realizing it at first.

1. Love is property

The belief that leads to jealousy problems. Understanding that the couple is part of oneself only serves to undermine their individuality. Example: "it's ten o'clock at night and you haven't called me yet."

2. The fault is yours

A relationship is something two-way, but there are people who, when certain typical problems of life together appear, they blame the partner automatically. This occurs because it is usually easier to blame something external to us than to look for it in our own behavior aspects that may have triggered conflict, or to reflect on whether everything is based on a simple misunderstood. In this sense, be careful with personalities that tend to victimhood.

3. Mind reading

Sometimes a relationship can be confused with absolute knowledge of what the other person thinks. When we understand that our partner's behavior is basically very predictable, we will tend to attribute intentions to it in an increasingly strange way, to the point of approaching paranoid thinking and constantly suspecting what he wants. Example: "she wants to take the dog for a walk so she can spend less time with me."

4. Reverse mind reading

Like the previous one, but based on what the other person should know about us and in practice it shows not knowing. The belief that love confers a kind of telepathic power seems absurd, but it is not rare to find and from time to time. both offers stereotypical scenes full of reproaches of the style: "I don't know, you will know" or "do what you want, you know my opinion".

5. The other person is better than us

The simple act of assuming that the other person is more valuable than oneself introduces an asymmetry in the relationship. An asymmetry that at first is fictitious and exists only in our imagination, but that may soon turn into a real decompensation, a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, it is common to get used to making deliberate and costly sacrifices for the good of the other person, something that can get the other person used to having special treatment and leading the relationship in all scopes.

6. I have to prove things

This belief is closely related to the previous one. In short, it's about himthe idea that the relationship has to be kept alive through fully planned actions in which we offer the best facet of ourselves. It is something like an indefinite extension of the stage of trying to make a good first impression, and that can last until years after being married. This toxic belief directly attacks any show of spontaneity in the life of a couple.

7. The belief in the superorganism

This can be summarized in believing that life as a couple is something similar to the culmination of a person's life, a stage in which loses its own individuality and becomes part of a larger entity, just as a caterpillar would transform into a butterfly. The problem with this is that, on the one hand, favors isolation and estrangement from family and friends, and on the other hand, this union with the other person does not stop being fictitious, with which this idea does not correspond to reality.

8. My partner defines me

This belief can become toxic if taken literally, since it has the power to fulfill itself at the cost of our own identity. People who adopt an extreme version of this belief change their hobbies, their personalities and even the way they talk depending on who they are dating. The negative consequences of this have to do with the loss of our ability to vindicate ourselves as people with criteria own, but it also generates problems that are located above all on the social plane, since people who know us can see in this a kind of fraud.

9. The need for drama

As it is sometimes understood that the relationship with the partner has to be more intense than our relationships with other people, this can also be extrapolated to the field of conflicts everyday. Real minutiae may be oversized, such as the fact that the gift that the couple has given us does not completely match our tastes.

10. No matter what I do, he's my partner

This belief is based on the idea that the couple's relationship is, in essence, a kind of license or indefinite contract. As long as the relationship is labeled a "couple relationship", the two involved (although usually only us) They are entitled to do what they want, without having to take into account the agreements and responsibilities agreed.

Some conclusions ...

Of course, the way I have stated these beliefs here is cartoonish, to show clearly the destructive implications of the thinking lines and rash conclusions they can give source.

In real life these ideas They appear much more disguised, and almost always it has not even been noticed that they are so basic and simple. The task of discovering and facing them can also be one of those challenges that can be undertaken together and that make life together more intense.