Envy among siblings: how to avoid and combat it in children and adults

Envy between siblings is a somewhat common situation in all families. On many occasions, it is a slight competition between the brothers that does not have to be completely negative if it does not go to extremes.

Many times it is even unconsciously that we can become envious of our brothers, but if Is it a problem or not will depend on how we manage this situation to prevent it from becoming a real problem.

In this article we will review some tips to know how to manage this situation between siblings, both from the point of view of the siblings themselves and from the role of parents.

• You may be interested in: "Psychology of envy: 5 keys to understand it"

How can sibling rivalry arise?

Some situations that trigger the presence of envy between siblings is the fact of wanting to be more taken into account by parents and the immediate environment (friends and family). This It is typical in the early stages of development, in children and adolescents.

In the adult stage this envy could also persist, but for different reasons; perceiving that my brother has been more successful than me in the workplace or in some other aspect can cause this send to reappear in adulthood.

How to deal with envy between brothers?

Next we will see a list of useful tips to channel the event properly.

1. Take it as part of the relationship

First of all, it must be taken into account that we should not feel as if we were villains for being envy between brothers.

The relationship between siblings does not have to be rosy all the time; misunderstandings can be frequent, and envy is a feeling that appears very early in the life of blood relatives.

However, the bond of brotherhood must be understood as something that transcends all those situations, typical of coexistence. We must be aware that those specific feelings that we can have are just that, passing experiences that do not define the real bond that one has with his brother or sister.

2. See the brother as part of the same team

The family is an institution made up of people with biological coincidences, but at the same time they harbor diverse opinions and tastes different from each other; siblings often tend to have a rivalry relationship.

But when our brother succeeds in personal aspects that have nothing to do with us, the ideal is to understand that achievement as a goal reached by a member of our team.

3. Review aspects of yourself

When you have a feeling of envy towards your siblings, this can generally be motivated by aspects of yourself that you dislike.

Therefore, it is good to take the time necessary to identify what these aspects could be and start working on them. Reinforcing self-esteem strengthens us against envy and jealousy.

4. Have an assertive communication channel with my brother

Practicing assertive communication brings us great benefits in our daily lives. By implementing this form of communication with our brothers we can sand all kinds of roughness without giving up expressing our opinions.

The assertive communication process is based on saying things honestly and adaptively; in an appropriate tone of voice avoiding using hurtful terms.

Facing this problem in our children

As parents of small children or adolescents, we must also understand that this situation is typical of siblings. However, care must be taken in don't let it get out of hand. Parents are guarantors of the emotional and physical stability of their children. Therefore, it is necessary to equip them with the necessary tools for the future.

Regarding the rivalry that may exist between siblings, parents must implement conflict resolution methods in them that can serve them for the rest of their lives. Let's see what they are.

1. Providing education in values

To the extent that we educate our children about the importance of values, we are decreasing the probability of unhealthy envy being generated between the brothers. Family is one of the most important values, and we must make sure that our children understand it.

• Related article: "21 tips to be a good father and educate well"

2. avoiding comparisons

The saying goes well that comparisons are hateful, especially with our children. The ideal is promote the strengths of each of them without making comparisons compared to the other siblings.

3. encouraging them to spend quality time together

If we let our children know that they can spend quality time with their siblings, we are gaining ground on the hostility between them, since their bond will become more and more solid and the empathy between them will grow.

4. avoid showing preference towards any of the siblings

If one of your children thinks that you have a preference for his siblings, then the chances of envying them are greater, and this envy could transcend into adulthood, like an old grudge From the past.

The ideal will always be to show yourself equal and fair in terms of rewards and punishments that you care about your children; that way it is less likely that any of them will feel less than the others.