The 5 emotional wounds of childhood

Surely you have wondered more than once why some people are the way they are or act the way they do. In many cases, we can find answers to those questions in childhood that such people have had, period in which many of the psychological traits and emotional problems experienced in the adulthood.

For many people, childhood is one of the happiest stages of their lives, from which they keep all kinds of memories that take them back to a time when all needs were covered. For others, on the other hand, the fact of not having these support elements at a stage in which they were particularly vulnerable has shaped the way you experience life, and your relationship with anxiety and emotions considered "negative" in general. And in between both options, there is a rich grayscale.

In any case, childhood constitutes a vital moment in which the structure of many of the elements that condition our psychological and psychosocial processes: the interpretation of reality, social relations, the management of sadness etc

And it is that beyond the narratives of childhood that show it in an idealized way as a happy experience and full of love and protection on the part of fathers and mothers, this can also be a dark period and full of suffering, where many of the traumas, fears, and complexes that parents have Adults.

All these wounds from the past arise for multiple reasons and affect each individual differently. function of their individual characteristics or personality, coming to determine to a large extent the way of being of the adult.

In today's article I will explain how these emotional childhood wounds arise and we will see which are the 5 main ones.

• Related article: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"

How do emotional wounds arise in childhood?

Emotional wounds in children can originate from a traumatic childhood, in which the person has had to deal with a serious event that changed her life completely, such as the death of a being darling; changes of address or school, bullying or any other difficult experience to overcome. But they are not always triggered by a punctual and particularly violent and catastrophic experience.

Another possible origin of emotional wounds can be found in the child's way of interpreting any event in her daily life as something negative, painful or unfairalthough in reality it is nothing like that. This may be caused by a parenting model that is too strict or that leads the child to feel guilty for everything bad that happens to him.

This can also happen when the child interprets that his parents are absent from her life or do not provide him with the necessary support and affection; when in reality the parents do it to protect him from something or because they have a compelling reason.

It is important to be clear that during childhood boys and girls do not yet have the tools of reasoning and analysis that adults have to understand some complex situations and weigh all their positive nuances and negatives; That is why they are more prone to adopt extremely pessimistic or conflict-producing frames of interpretation of reality, since give rise to very intense feelings in the face of experiences that require above all prudence and reflection to understand what happened.

Finally, it should be noted that these emotional wounds usually occur in the early stages of childhood, that is, until the age of 8 or 9 years, when both the child's personality and his brain are still developing at high speeds and therefore does not count yet with full functionality in some areas of the brain responsible for analyzing and understanding very abstract concepts or reasoning complexes.

• You may be interested in: "What kind of problems does a child psychologist deal with?"

What are the 5 emotional wounds that arose in childhood?

Everything that happens to us in childhood conditions the person we are as adults, especially those painful experiences that mark us for life.

Below you will find a summary of the main emotional wounds that appear in childhood and that can change a person's life forever.

1. fear of abandonment

The fear of abandonment is one of the most common fears that children have in the early stages of their growth, and this particular fear usually appears around 4 years of age.

The fear of abandonment and being left alone has a very intense effect on any young child, conditioning to a great extent their adult personality and their future relationships.

This common fear appears in children who live in environments where they are not given affection, love, support and love. necessary accompaniment so that they develop naturally and establish attachment relationships with their environment.

In addition to that, the fear of abandonment can also develop in children who perceive a lack of concern or lack of interest from their parents towards themalthough in reality it is not so. In these cases, the person may eventually develop relationships based on emotional dependence on another person.

People who grew up afraid of abandonment as children tend to establish superficial relationships and almost never commit to friends or partners. On the contrary, they have a tendency to leave their partners after a short time and abandon projects of all kinds, for fear of being abandoned and experiencing that feeling of loneliness again.

• Related article: "What is attachment? Definition and types of attachment"

2. fear of rejection

Fear of rejection may be related to fear of abandonment and is based on childhood experiences in which the child you have not been accepted by your group of friends, your family or your parents.

This type of fear is based both on real experiences of rejection and on those in which the child experienced a rejection that could be real or simply something perceived by himself.

The rejection is based on a low level of self-esteem and the development of a series of negative thoughts. self-contempt, based on beliefs such as "I'm worthless" or "I'm useless" or "nobody will love me never".

The wound caused by rejection can heal over time by replacing these negative thoughts with others more positive and adaptive, that emphasize one's abilities, achievements, and positive aspects same.

3. The wound of betrayal

The experiences in which the boy or the girl feel betrayed by their parents can leave a very deep mark on the mental health of the adult in the future.

This injury is more serious especially when the father or mother betrays the child repeatedly, cases in which Children develop feelings of resentment and even envy towards a sibling who does receive the things that are given to them. they promised.

The wound of betrayal usually generates adults who need to be in control of all situations to avoid that the people around them betray them and that they hold concepts such as friendship, loyalty or fidelity.

• You may be interested in: "Fear of rejection and abandonment: what it really means and how to manage it"

4. The wound of humiliation

The humiliation wound occurs in those children whose parents systematically humiliated or ridiculed them in childhood.

Growing up, these people they tend to develop low self-esteem, emotional dependence on others and a constant need to be validated, accepted and approved externally.

The humiliation wound is overcome by forgiving those who humiliated you in the past and forgetting all those painful experiences.

5. The wound of injustice

The wound of injustice occurs in children whose parents were very strict during childhood and who developed a feeling of injustice towards their parents throughout their upbringing.

Adults who carry this wound are also rigid and intransigent with their environment, always coming to impose their will and reason on others and always yearning for greater power and importance.

This wound can be healed by working on thought patterns that are too rigid., and it is important to change them to more flexible ones, which allow taking into account all the nuances and aspects of a complex and changing reality.

• Related article: "Lawrence Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development"

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My name is Carolina Marin and I am a General Health Psychologist and psychotherapist federated by the FEAP.