Therapy to improve your Couple Relationship: the most important keys

Relationships are one of the most complex experiences of our lives and one that affects us the most in a psychological and emotional sense. For this reason, undergoing therapy to improve your relationship or, above all, to get to know yourself and improve this aspect of your life, can mean a before and after.

Why are relationships so difficult? What is the best way to address these couple problems in therapy?

The causes of common difficulties in a couple

In relationships we live experiences that bring us well-being, but there are also fears, insecurities, conflicts, and even difficulties with anxiety, mood or self-esteem. What is the root problem behind all this?

Thinking about holding the other party responsible does not help us move forward. The most important objective is to work with your own personal learning so that your well-being depends mainly on you, and thus, you can enjoy more positive relationships.

In this article we are going to delve into what the main problems are and how a therapy should work. to improve your relationship as a couple to help you not only in this aspect, but in any area of ​​your life. Let's go for it.

Human beings are social, affective and emotional beings. We are relational beings.

In a couple relationship we experience well-being and an intimate and deep bond. However... it is a link that we cannot control (since the decisions, attitudes and behaviors belong to two different people).

Over time a kind of struggle of egos is generated where our greatest fears and insecurities flow. Relationship problems depend to a large extent on our way of dealing with relationships (whether anxious, insecure, etc.).

If the problems have already occurred (discussions, discouragement, lack of interest, jealousy, etc.) the difficulty will be more of an emotional nature, that is, how you understand and manage what you feel. We are going to see different factors that affect you in your relationship.

1. The management of emotions

The human being is an emotional being. This means that we feel emotions all the time and they condition us for each decision or interpretation. The intensity, frequency, and duration of an emotion It doesn't depend so much on what's going on... but how you manage it through your behaviors.

Jealousy and conflict arise in a relationship due to fear of loss of control. We fear losing our identity or experiencing rejection from our partner. It is also common to feel afraid of the suffering of another.

For this reason, we manage those emotions in a dysfunctional way and they end up being more intense and lasting.

In cases of pauses, ruptures or more serious crises, this difficulty can trigger anxiety, and hence the discouragement in the relationship.

• Related article: ["Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"]/psychology/emotional-management-master-emotions)

2. self esteem style

If your well-being does not depend mainly on you but on external factors that you cannot control (how the other behaves, how you interpret their communication, etc.) this will mean that your self-esteem does not work.

In this case, it is not about raising self-esteem but learning to work on it so that it is stable. A relationship as a couple is an experience to share well-being and support each other, not for your well-being to depend on the other (this approach ends up generating stress and conflicts).

3. An opaque or little assertive communication

If due to fears and insecurities you end up not saying what you want, what you think, what you can or no, you will end up adapting too much to the other's system, which generates anxiety and loss of identity.

Couples therapy works if you also work on your communication so that it is assertive and empathetic. Knowing how to communicate limits is also an expression of affection, both towards you because of the self-care it entails, and towards the other because of the trust it generates.

• You may be interested in: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

How does therapy work to improve your relationship as a couple?

When certain problems recur in our lives, it is because our way of living, understanding what is happening and managing it is still the same.

To solve the problem it is necessary to live a process of change and personal learning that implies a before and after in your life. For this reason, effective therapy must be deep, so as to work with all parts of your personality (not just with your partner relationship) but also practical, to apply concrete changes that lead you towards the improvement that you need.

Although today it is common to work jointly with couples therapy, my experience as a psychologist is more positive when the process is individualized. Because? Because in a joint therapy several essential limits are exceeded in therapy, such as privacy and confidentiality. In turn, in the same sessions all the problems are reflected and repeated.

For this reason it is much more practical and efficient to work with each other's process. A relationship works when both people are well. If you work on yourself, then it will be much easier for you to be well in a stable way and this will positively influence your relationship.

These are the key factors to achieve it. What I am going to tell you is based on my experience as a psychologist and coach accompanying people who managed to overcome this difficulty.

1. limits and identity

One of the most common difficulties in relationships is the loss of identity. We become so dissolved in the other that we lose focus on what we need.. This is why it is essential to work with your communication: through limits and assertive communication, you will be able to preserve your identity and make your relationship more positive.

Communicating assertively is not complex. The interesting thing is to discover what prevents you from expressing what you need or cannot or want. First of all it is about the fear of the other's reaction or fears about what you think is going to happen.

2. Build a self-esteem that works for you

When your well-being depends mainly on you (on what you do, how you do it, your decisions, etc.) your relationships become more positive and independent.

This is what a functional and stable self-esteem really consists of. Work with this part of you It will help you live your relationships with more calm and security.

3. Your approach to relationships

If your vision of what a relationship is is born of dependency or insecurity, the problems will persist. It is necessary to work with what is your attachment style and your way of bonding with the other.

A relationship is above all an intense and intimate experience to share well-being, in a bond where difficulties also become lighter. Working with your belief system, your values, and even your vision of what you think you need will help make your relationship healthier.

4. emotion management

Know how to manage your fears and insecurities, as well as manage anxiety and discouragementIt will help you so that conflicts or crises (also possible breakups) do not affect you with such intensity. Managing your emotions is something possible from your behaviors, in order to give more value to your confidence, security and acceptance.

This work takes time but it is essential both to improve your relationships and for the future.

5. Action plan

Finally, nothing changes if we do not take concrete action. Going deeper into yourself and reaching reflections or conclusions is useful, but it does not imply a change in itself if we do not do something different.

Having a concrete action plan will help you make this possible. But it is not a generic or rigid action plan, but based on your case, according to your own possibilities.

Concluding...

Getting the changes you need and improving both your well-being and your relationships happens because that process is deep, practical, and where you also have constant company (not only with eventual sessions). For this reason, my way of accompanying is more constant and without limit of consultation, so that you can consult me ​​what you need at all times (in addition to weekly tools, sessions, etc.).

In this way, it is much more bearable to face the difficulties of the couple, especially in moments of crisis. It is also especially necessary when we live with anxiety or discouragement, since it is a difficulty that appears frequently.

If you want to take the plunge, Human Empowerment You have the option to schedule a first session. In this session, which we can have via WhatsApp (no matter where you are), we get to know each other, discover the root problem and see how you can improve the situation.