How to escape the Doubt Trap?

Decision-making is a constitutive act of the human being. Every day we make decisions, from the simplest and most everyday, to the fundamental ones that mark our lives.

Given this, it is natural to doubt, it is healthy and necessary when analyzing which path we will take, we It can help to discern, to solve problems and to evaluate what is best for us or the people around us. surround. But be careful, the doubts that remain in our mind without setting a limit, can be counterproductive and harmful to our mental health.

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When does doubt become the enemy of decision making?

The problem begins when doubt ceases to be a guide to reach conclusions or analyze different situations and becomes a limitation.. When doubt is excessive, it generates insecurity and paralyzes us.

The first emotion that usually appears when we are faced with the need to make a decision is fear. Fear in itself is not bad, because it tells us that we are facing an important decision, that we must be careful and attentive.

The difficulty appears when fear makes it impossible for us to decide, we doubt permanently and we enter into an endless loop of thoughts, where little by little we are losing confidence in ourselves, we ask ourselves questions that do not have an answer that reassures us and hundreds of questions and scenarios open up that lead us nowhere.

Our attention begins to be focused on the possibility of being wrong, of what others might think if we do such a thing, which causes us to postpone the decision and continue in a continuous analysis of different scenarios possible.

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What thoughts invade us before the fear of deciding?

Frequently, the fear of making decisions has an impact on our thoughts. Given the insecurity that doubt generates, we are invaded by endless thoughts that come to reaffirm the labyrinth of unanswered questions that make us postpone the decision.

These thoughts mostly respond to limiting beliefs that block us, tell us that we cannot: "I can't speak in public", "I'm not able to get this job" "I'm not enough for someone to love me".

The thoughts that paralyze us are varied and depend on each person. But we can find common factors that are repeated in those who have difficulty making decisions:

• Fear of being exposed to others: this implies assuming in advance that others will have a negative judgment of our actions.
• Fear of being wrong and thinking that there will be no turning back from that decision.
• Feeling incapable of assuming responsibility for the decision, falls into excessive self-criticism, decreases self-assessment and self-confidence.
• Feeling a loss of control, which leads to an excessively detailed attitude to analyze the events, trying to anticipate all the consequences, to the point of not being able to make a decision. decision.

These thoughts deteriorate our ability to decide and lead us to take alternative paths to avoid facing what anguishes us.However, what is achieved is to remain in the labyrinth of doubt. When these blockages appear, they generally try to find a solution that is never satisfactory. The answers that usually appear are:

• Generating dependency links where decisions are delegated to another person, which results in the loss of autonomy and the other increases his power.
• Waiting to gather more information or for the best moment to take action to present itself, eternally postponing the decision and missing the opportunities that arise.
• Avoid situations where you have to decide.
• Let it be fate and the passage of time that ends up opting for one or another decision.

How can we combat pathological doubt?

First of all, you have to think that there are no right or wrong decisions; there are decisions made from certain contexts and circumstances that can be adjusted more or less to the objectives to be achieved.

Doubt deteriorates our confidence and leaves us with a permanent feeling of uncertainty. That is why the first important step in the whole process is to question your limiting thoughts, everything that your internal dialogues say that you are not good or that what you want is not for you, put them in doubt, you will find many times that what you tell yourself has no foundations that affirm that it is really So.

Another important point in the decision-making process is to be able to identify the emotion what is being felt This allows us to listen and accept that there is a doubt about the decision we are making, validate what we feel will help us understand what we are afraid of and think about different strategies to find a solution.

Many times, asking ourselves “what is the worst that can happen?” allows us to take pressure off the decision before us. An exercise that helps to clear up doubts is to make a list with the advantages and disadvantages of all the options that you are analyzing. In every decision we make there is something that is gained and something that is lost, the important thing is to evaluate that the advantages are more important to you than what you leave aside.

Last but not least, trust yourself and focus the decision by focusing on what you consider important. Getting out of the place of passivity and taking action often requires putting aside what others think is best for you and putting your priorities at the center of the scene. Being able to assume the responsibility that comes with deciding for oneself will bring the freedom and confidence necessary to take the best path possible.