4 ways of thinking that lead to falling into toxic relationships

Many times, we get used to living affective relationships as if they were something that is given to us by life, as a kind of gift that we accept without further ado and experience without thinking too much about what we make. This idea can be very poetic, but in the long run, it exposes us to risks. Specific, makes us not question certain ideas about what it is to love and be loved.

If we believe that opportunities to start a relationship arise spontaneously in our path, we lose sight of all those habits and customs that bring us closer to living love in a certain way, and not other. And, when all those decisions and behavior tendencies that we are not aware of bring us closer to having only toxic and unsatisfying relationships, the thing becomes much more serious.

And it is that the worst thing about going through a bad romance is not always that experience itself, but the fact of not having learned any lesson from it.

• Related article: "23 signs that you have a 'toxic relationship' as a couple"

Ways of thinking that lead to falling again and again in toxic relationships

As much as some things are obvious to us in love, we would save ourselves a lot of trouble if we realized that many of the beliefs we have about relationships are simply prejudices and irrational beliefs.

Some of these unsubstantiated ideas are relatively harmless, but others lead us to run into the same thing over and over again. stone, without us even being aware that we have a predisposition to fall into those kinds of errors in our lives sentimental.

Below you will find some of those ways of thinking that predispose us to engage in toxic relationships, and what makes them so harmful.

1. The belief of the better half

Romantic love, understood as a relationship in which two people join inseparably to form a single body, is one of the most harmful beliefs that exist. The reasons are that it favors appearance of interdependence and the obsession with the control of the other, on the one hand, and the lack of time to be alone with oneself, on the other.

In the long run, the level of discomfort and stress caused by this type of courtship and marriage makes the situation untenable.

• You may be interested in: "The myth of the better half: no couple is ideal"

2. commitment is scary

Relationships can be something exciting, but some people are very afraid of one of the facets of these: commitment. Thus, when they go out with someone, they try to lead a "normal life", not leave their comfort zone and continue to behave unilaterally, although in a relationship. This, in practice, means that there are no commitments, or that there are very few, and that each one makes his single life at all times except at certain times.

Thus, from this habit the couple is something that appears and disappears at convenience. It may seem like an option of free affectivity, but in reality it is a direct route towards fears, insecurities and paranoia. A relationship, by the fact that it is, must be built on certain commitments; that yes, it is its members who decide what enters into the pact and what is left out.

3. One part decides, the other does

The fact that some relationships are made up of very different people means that, sometimes, one maintains a passive attitude and the other takes a more active role. Over time, this can become a dynamic in which one always decides about those small day-to-day choices.

Although at first it seems like a harmless trend, This habit usually leads to weariness on the part of the decision maker, given that he is the one who most perceives that the relationship is not symmetrical. In fact, the situation can be interpreted as a symptom of a lack of commitment and interest in spending time together.

4. When in doubt, apologize

There are those who enter the world of love with feet of lead, very afraid of making the loved one uncomfortable. This means that, in ambiguous situations in which dissatisfaction or anger is intuited, one simply accepts that oneself is to blame, which leads to asking for forgiveness. But, this is a mistake.

Ensuring symmetry is necessary in order not to live in a toxic relationship, and for this you have to know how to create a constant flow of communication, which both parties know what is happening, therefore, before asking for forgiveness, it is necessary to make sure that there really are reasons for it, and that it is they understand.