When Santa Claus does not bring presents: coping with emotional discomfort at Christmas

The end of the year holidays arrive and everything drives us to have to be well. Advertising, social networks, tell us that we should be happy, as well as how to do it, and forces us not to forget that it is time to celebrate.

In a world where we strive for the acceptance of diversity and inclusion, we forget that things continue to happen at parties, good and bad, and that many people do not conform to this rule of happiness manufactured for the end of the year. Perhaps, we brand them as having a "bad vibe" or we simply exclude them and justify ourselves by saying that they prefer to be alone, in this way we heal our little empathic conscience.

On Christmas dates not everything is happiness

Amnesia and living in a bubble of illusions are required of us; That's not bad, of course not, but the world goes on for those others who aren't happy.

A soccer World Cup or the end-of-year parties do not cover up what is happening. Partying is fine, but to the extent that we avoid looking around and look the other way,

we become childlike beings looking for a magical solution to what happens. We sing nostalgic Christmas carols of love and communion, they urge us to be supportive, that is the message that is normally heard. But coming this time of the year, many people experience depression or similar symptoms.

emotional affective disorder

This typical melancholy of the time is known as TAE, emotional affective disorder. This disorder It is related to something that ends in our mind, real or imaginary. It is not always a disorder, it can consist of mild symptoms, but that generate a drop in mood, in all its variables.

It becomes difficult not to compare ourselves with others and their plans

Many people sympathize with those who are alone or who do not have much to celebrate, but few are supportive enough for our fellow men. This is not a moral comment, it is only the revelation of a human condition, described long ago, in which we do not see ourselves anywhere near suffering those emotions, or rather we keep away the idea that something bad could happen to us, because we have family or plans that are traditionally already inherited or simply because these things do not happen to us.

This attitude of apparent little solidarity is ultimately the result of a human quality; Not one of the best, but the one that occurs when we avoid identifying with the one who suffers, trying to make this work as an antidote for us when faced with the vision of the pain of others.

we look the other way

Most of the time we do not realize this attitude, others yes.

Underneath this behavior lies the "This is not going to happen to me." Once again, the human belief that we are special and happy, but also exempt from any misfortune of fate, or at least from this, of spending Christmas alone.

Surely we all have something in which we are special and lucky, but clearly it is not about being outside of human realities. everything can happen to us, in the sense that we can all feel like this, as sad and desolate as the one we see at Christmas alone. Or could it be that we have all felt that emptiness and sadness at some time and when we recognized those feelings and the pain that they entail? Is that what makes us turn our gaze and find semi-justified causes for that pain, that of the other? Could it be that it scares us?

• Related article: "Empathy, much more than putting yourself in another's place"

How do we position ourselves before the emotional pain of the rest?

Ultimately, it is about how we ourselves relate to grief, endings, the emotions of loneliness and vulnerability to pain and emptiness.

In the northern hemisphere, the reality of the scarcity of hours of sunlight is added, something that is already known to generate feelings of sadness or hopelessness in some people. The dark and cold winter invites you to socialize little and to spend more time alone. This reduces energy and changes the mood.

Paradoxically, we find in these times a general increase in stress, fatigue and irritability. The pressure of work to get everything ready, the end-of-year purchases, the preparations for the holidays, favor to alter the mood and generate tension.

We can take some measures to avoid the consequences that these times produce for the most sensitive spirits and also beyond these festive times.

It is important not to feel pressured to appear happy, especially in these times. In each of us there is a story that we do not tell, and that it is okay to put it aside for a couple of nights, but we must understand that no one is immune to sadness or the feeling of loneliness. It is good to try to get the best teaching out of what we have to live, and if we have the opportunity to enjoy, even if it is not in the way we had planned, that is also good and enriches the soul. Let's try to see the full part of the glass, since we all know that there is an empty one. Let's try to relate to others; a call or a message can be immensely important to someone, much more than we think and make a difference.

Let's not take things personally, everyone is in her world living her own story, and it takes a lot of wisdom to empathize with others. If you have the opportunity to surround yourself with warm people, it is the best way to go through pain, and if you are lucky, you yourself are the one who can provide that warmth that is often lacking.

The psychological mourning at Christmas

Suffering at the loss of a loved one It's something that doesn't have the same meaning for everyone, but if we love that person, the accompanying feeling is just as painful. Focusing on the best moments lived helps; It can be from accompanying someone linked to that person, to a tribute. We only have to make the best of what we had to live with her.

• Related article: "Absence of loved ones at Christmas: how to manage it emotionally"

An opportunity for mutual support

If we are from the group of the lucky ones, those who can enjoy these holidays and much more, let's not stop being attentive to those who do not have that happiness.

Bad times can happen, but when it comes to frequent situations in people who feel more affected than expected, we must be vigilant; maybe someone we know needs our help or our company, just to be there or to accompany him to ask for help.

The connection with the pain of the other leads us to our own difficult feelings, in other moments or areas of our life. Let's not dismiss each other's pain just by remembering what it feels like to face suffering.

Christmas encourages us to be supportive, to empathize with what hurts us or hurt us at different times; lending a hand to another can help us heal internally and lose the fear of suffering, and understand that pain is part of life, and that there are dates that show it. It is very good to enjoy what we have and not focus on the void, because we all lack something.

Collaborating to reduce the feeling of absence and sadness will make us live better with others and, of course, with ourselves. It is nothing more than working inside the fear of loss and that our happiness will not last long, with the hope that the good and happy moments will also be repeated.