How to stop blaming yourself for everything: 4 tips

It is clear that if we must be perfectionists with something, it is our own behavior, but there are people who go too far in this. And it is that while some value what they do by analyzing their weaknesses and devising ways to improve, others are obsessed with the habit of blaming themselves for everything bad that happens to them.

Stop blaming yourself for all the bad things that happen to yourself is essential to improve your well-being, since if you don't If you get out of this dynamic, a vicious circle appears in which pessimism and the expectation of failure make it impossible to improve.

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How to stop systematically blaming yourself for everything

In this article we will review some keys to stop blaming yourself for everything and face life with a more constructive attitude. However, remember that any personal development and learning process has to go beyond reading, so that everything will depend on whether you use these ideas to modify the way in which you relate to your environment and with others. the rest.

1. Relativizes the importance of guilt

Even if oneself is responsible for what happened, this does not mean that guilt has to keep us mired in misfortune indefinitely. The only use of this feeling is make the memory of that negative experience last over time and lead us to avoid making the same mistake. If we manage to learn the lesson, the reasons for continuing to martyr themselves have no reason to exist. In other words, guilt is not a sentence: it is a learning factor.

Thus, there is nothing that should lead us to think that the simple fact that we feel bad is a reason why we should suffer. In nature, rewards and punishments do not exist beyond the human imagination.

2. Analyze your real strengths and weaknesses

Beyond what one would wish, it is evident that every person has his imperfections. This means, among other things, that not everyone can do anything at a given time in their life. Some things yes, and others only if you have a lot of practice or knowledge.

Remembering this is important, because it provides real information about what is really one's own fault and what is not.

In those situations where a very complicated and difficult to avoid obstacle has appeared, there is only one situation in which oneself is to blame for what happened: the one in which it was evident that this obstacle would appear, and pride or another form of irrationality led us to go to meet him. Of course, this changes if the reason we "complicated life" in this way had to do with protecting another person.

3. Reflect on your relationship with the environment

People who tend to blame themselves for everything tend to keep a low profile in their social relationships. This means, among other things, that they easily believe that they owe things to others, they feel "underdogs" that they live at the expense of the goodwill and virtues of others, and spontaneously adopt submissive roles.

The consequence of this is that as the people in his close social circle see that the person has a clear lack of assertiveness and self-esteem, it is normal for them to obey and make sacrifices for others. Of course, when everyone exerts this type of pressure, it is very easy to fail many times, both by probability and by the stress that this dynamic of social relationships produces.

So, to stop blaming yourself it is key trace the signs that this phenomenon is occurring in our personal relationships. Even unconsciously, it is very easy that if we start to attribute the blame for everything bad that happens, the rest also do the same.

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4. practice compassion

Much of our perception of the world and of ourselves does not depend on the content of these ideas and beliefs, but on the attention we give to each of these elements. In the same way that if we only thought about poverty and suffering we would become depressed, focusing only on the imperfections of oneself achieves a similar effect, with the addition that by locating the problem within oneself, there is no point in trying to solve what is happening: what is broken cannot repair itself, according to this belief.

For this reason, it is good to practice compassion, which in this case is nothing more than applying to ourselves what we usually do with the world: never forget its positive aspects.

In this sense, the Acceptance and commitment therapy It can help a lot, since it is based on the acceptance of a very specific series of imperfections and on working to improve in other aspects.