How to manage children's tantrums? 7 useful tips

Does your child have frequent tantrums and you don't know how to manage them? Do you work with children and often these episodes interfere with your work, not knowing how to act? Do not despair, in this article you will find 7 detailed guidelines on how to manage children's tantrums.

It is important to emphasize, however, that beyond these guidelines, it will be important to intervene with empathy and respect, encouraging in him/her the acquisition of personal resources to face those moments of anger that sometimes not even they know manage.

• Related article: "How to Raise Defiant and Rebellious Children: 8 Parenting Tips"

tantrums in childhood

Children's tantrums are moments of anger and anger, sometimes overflowing, which appear in response to a stimulus, which can be internal (for example, being very sleepy) or external (for example, not getting someone to buy something).

These usually appear at any age: from when they are very young, until after adolescence. You cannot (and should not) act in the same way before all of them, because each child is a world and lives their own process.

Besides, the causes of tantrums are also very different: immaturity, low self-control, boredom, inadequate parenting styles, discomfort, sadness, lack of resources, low tolerance for frustration….

Having said that, it is worth knowing the following guidelines on how to handle children's tantrums, which must always be adjusted to the age and evolutionary moment of the child. In addition, it will be important to investigate the cause of said tantrum to prevent it and, in case it reappears, to act in a more effective and beneficial way for the child.

• You may be interested in: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"

How to manage children's tantrums and tantrums

These are tips on how to manage children's tantrums, adaptable to any age. Remember that it will be important to apply them at the right time, and knowing the child well, so that they are more effective.

1. apply extinction

The first guideline that we offer you on how to manage children's tantrums has to do with a highly effective behavior modification technique: extinction. This consists of stop paying attention to the child's behavior, which is maintained precisely by said attention or by any other action that reinforces (many times without realizing it) said behavior.

For example, if a child cries because of a tantrum, because he wants to be listened to, and whenever he cries we pay attention to him, we are maintaining said behavior. Or if, for example, a child always swears, and we constantly tell him: "don't say them", this stops being effective. Practicing extinction implies "ignoring" that behavior and not reinforcing it in any way.

Over time, behaviors that are put under extinction disappear.. Logically, not all behaviors are likely to be put under extinction (for example, if they are dangerous behaviors), and each specific case must be analyzed.

2. Reason with them

Another interesting guideline that we can apply, in the face of children's tantrums, is to reason with them. The conversation we have with them should have the purpose of reflect on their behavior and its purpose.

Finally, we should encourage them to explore new behavioral alternatives to apply, instead of the tantrum that, after all, does not provide anything positive. The important thing is to encourage reflection.

3. Talk to them about how they feel

Related to the previous guideline, it is also important to talk to them about how they feel at that moment. Many times we will not be able to ask him when the tantrum occurs, and we will have to wait a reasonable time for the intensity of his response to decrease.

Once this happens, we can find a moment and a quiet space with them, to talk about how they feel, why they are behaving like this, if there is something that worries them, etc. Often, behind a tantrum another feeling is hidden, which can be sadness.. Inquiring into it will be beneficial for both parties.

4. anticipate

The fourth guideline on how to manage children's tantrums has to do with anticipation, a key tool to avoid many inappropriate behaviors. This point is not easy at all, and must be worked on. Anticipating tantrums requires knowing our child a lot and empathize with him as much as possible.

When we learn to detect small gestures of the face, the body, a specific type of language, an emotion, etc. in him/her, prior to the tantrum, we can start acting. To anticipate, we must also know what our child may be feeling at that moment: Anger because she is among many people? Unhappy because we have not bought what we wanted? Excessive sleep because you have not slept well?

Depending on this, our answer should be one or the other. For example, keeping him away from people in the event that we are in a crowd, letting him know that he can sleep when we get home, etc.

• You may be interested in: "Strategies to prevent and manage anger"

5. Set limits that you can respect

It is very important, during the educational process, to set limits. However, "not all limits are valid", and we must also be moderate in this regard. Saying NO to everything is not beneficial for them, and flexibility is the key.

Being flexible with your desires, but also your tantrums and your needs, can help us prevent precisely those tantrums. If children constantly run up against the NO wall that prevents them from doing anything, they can feel suffocated and consequently act out a tantrum.

That is why from here, we propose the following: Limits? Yes, but not for everything.

6. play with them

Another guideline on how to manage children's tantrums is to simply play with them. Sometimes children's tantrums arise because they are bored, or a plan has been "botched" what they had in mind.

Given this, and always depending on the age of the child (adjusting to it), sometimes a good option is to play with them, distract them... Sometimes it is better to play down the importance of the tantrum, not letting it spread too much and take on importance excessive.

7. Manage your anger too

Faced with children's tantrums, it is normal to lose your temper at some point, feel overwhelmed... however, We must try to prevent our anger from appearing as well, since many times this intensifies the response of the child.

That is why it is important that we, as fathers, mothers, educators, therapists... keep calm and act from it.

Bibliographic references:

• BM Newman, PR Newman, XM Villela, and RR Perez. (1986). Manual of child psychology. Mexico: Science and Technology Editions.
• Horse, v. and Simon, M.A. (2002). Child and adolescent clinical psychology manual. General disorders. Pyramid. Madrid.
• Comeche, M.I. and Vallejo, M.A. (2016). Manual of behavior therapy in childhood. Dykinson. Madrid.