Absence of loved ones at Christmas: how to manage it emotionally

Christmas gatherings are not always a cause for joy; For many people, they are a reminder that a loved one can no longer be with them. This kind of emotionally painful situation gives rise to what is known as "empty chair syndrome", which is one of the consequences of not having overcome a psychological duel triggered, normally, by the death of a relative or friend.

In this article we will focus on the issue of the absence of loved ones during Christmas, and on what we can do to emotionally manage these situations that they are capable of making us feel very bad for reminding us of that loss.

• Related article: "Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"

What is psychological grief?

Psychological grief is a process of adaptation to the absence of something or someone with whom we had established an affective bond. One of the most intense and common forms of mourning occurs when a loved one dies; In these cases, we must "learn" to live without having that person by our side, and this requires time and emotional self-regulation work. It is not considered a psychological disorder but a normal experience that sooner or later practically all human beings go through; however,

It can cause a lot of discomfort, which is why the death of a close relative is considered a reason for sick leave in many countries..

There are situations in which the duel can be sharpened, affecting the person who suffers it with greater intensity; Christmas is usually among this type of experience, especially for two reasons:

• Emphasis is placed on the importance of physically reuniting with loved ones
• An expectation of happiness and emotional well-being is created during these days of the year.

The fact of having these references makes some people even feel guilty for not being able to behave in a manner consistent with Christmas for not having overcome a psychological duel. It is especially painful to face the absence of that person when you see the rest of your friends or family together.; This phenomenon is often called "empty chair syndrome."

• You may be interested in: "Grief: coping with the loss of a loved one"

Tips to manage the mourning for the absence of loved ones at Christmas

These tips can help you overcome the absence of a loved one at Christmas gatherings.

1. Talk beforehand about what we feel

Effective communication is among the most valuable therapeutic resources when dealing with psychological grief. Unfortunately, there is a stigma attached to sadness that leads many people to try to hide how they feel.

That is why it is convenient to make things easy so that the people most affected by this loss of a loved one can express her feelings, ideally before the arrival of the meetings Christmas. In this way, the family will have time to adapt to these types of needs. and leave a space for each person to live these encounters in their own way, without being forced to psychologically "adjust" to what is there.

• Related article: "Family therapy: types and forms of application"

2. Help and let be helped

It is important to stop putting emphasis on the relationship between Christmas and happiness, on the one hand, and put it more on the relationship between Christmas and the support between people who love each other, something that can be applied in all cases in which it is possible to meet physically on these dates specials. The value that defines these meetings should be more mutual support and not so much fun or the desire to have a good time at a "party".. In this way, the priority will be to show a predisposition to help and to seek the help of others if necessary.

3. Respect the fact that every duel is different

There is no single way to overcome a psychological duel; each person will have a different way of going through this emotionally painful experience. For this reason, in order to face the absence of a loved one during Christmas, it is necessary not to lose sight of the fact that each individual will do it his way and should not be justified if, for example, he does not want to participate in certain activities in the company of others. the rest. The important is make it clear that all the people in that group of relatives / or friends have a place in those meetings, and that there is a clear desire to offer a welcoming environment in which everyone can be comfortable.

• You may be interested in: "The 8 types of sadness: characteristics, possible causes and symptoms"

4. Include an element of tribute to that person in family reunions

A good option when spending a Christmas marked by the absence of someone special is to carry out small joint actions that serve as a tribute to that person; a simple ritual in which that relative or friend is remembered and that prevents a taboo from forming around that person loss, and that at the same time does not become the central element of that meeting and allows people to talk and think about other things.

5. Consider mourning as a valid option

The fact of dressing in mourning can be problematic if seen as a social imposition, a cultural dynamic linked to tradition and that puts special pressure on women. However, if it is adopted as a completely voluntary act, it is a valid way of communicating, without having to say anything, that we still feel bad for the death of a loved one and that, therefore, we will not behave in the way that would be expected in someone who is going through a good moment. That is to say, that it is a way to free oneself from the expectations linked to the Christmas holidays, and that lead many people to see themselves in the need to pretend to be emotionally well.

6. If necessary, attend psychotherapy

It is not necessary to have developed a psychiatric disorder to benefit from psychotherapy, and grief is a perfectly valid reason to seek the services of a psychologist. Through weekly sessions it will be easier to go through this time of year or prepare for the first Christmas marked by the absence of that loved one.

Do you need professional help in psychotherapy?

If you are going through difficult times and need therapeutic support to face the duel psychological, depression or problems associated with sadness, get in touch with our team of professionals.

In Psychology and Psychotherapy Miguel Ángel We have been caring for patients for more than 40 years, and we can offer you our services through sessions by video call or in person at our office located in Bilbao.