The key questions to overcome relationship problems

We live in times of continuous change by which we can sometimes be overwhelmed, since we were not able to adapt to them. This is reflected on the people closest to us, not only co-workers or friends, but also in our closest people and that sometimes, having more confidence, takes the worst part of us at the end of the day. For example, our partner.

Faced with this phenomenon, I have prepared an article with a series of questions that we must be clear about in order to work on the problems that arise; I am going to explain how to start changing your relationship situation.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Overcoming the main couple problems: questions to ask ourselves

In our relationships we see ourselves pigeonholed based on three focuses or points of attention who are the ones who control the future of that affective bond. These are:

• What do we focus our attention on when we look at our partner.
• The decisions we make about what our partner does mean to us.
• The goals we have as a couple and how we focus to achieve it.

These are the pillars of a relationship. The way to treat them will make that bond enjoy good health. What determines what you will become is not what happens right now, what matters are your decisions about where you focus your attention.

phases of truth

Many times we argue and it is difficult for us to accept the truth about things that we have done wrong. Has it ever happened to you that you throw something in the face of your partner and she does not accept that it is true? Even though you know that it is, surely after talking about it more you can reach that agreement, but it will cost you a lot.

You will wonder why this is, and aside from the fact that your partner may be a person with a square mind, I I would like to tell you about the three steps that the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer exposed in his day, in which he explains that all truth goes through three phases:

• First, it is ridiculed.
• Second, it is faced with violent opposition.
• Finally, it is accepted as self-evident.

Bearing this in mind, we are going to look at the important point that concerns us now, the questions that we have to ask ourselves in order to focus our attention in such a way that we achieve achieve logical solutions to our relationship problems, with them we will achieve a point to change and we will be able to work on solving them.

Questions from which to strengthen a relationship in crisis

I would like you to sit down together and think about them, debate and argue about them in order to benefit from these questions.

1. How are we going to end if we don't change?

The answer is clear. You are going to break your union and everything that entails.

2. What are we going to lose as a couple if we don't make this change?

A thinking about opportunity cost of certain decisions.

3. What is it already costing us mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and/or spiritually speaking?

These discussions and friction create a bad atmosphere. I always believe that energy, whether positive or negative, fluctuates and converts, and therefore you have to realize that a bad discussion today without resolving can turn into a bad situation tomorrow, when we are on vacation, and because of this, it will cause us an imbalance that will embitter our existence.

4. How would our family and friends feel to see us end our relationship?

The relationship also influences and is influenced by the immediate environment; You have to be aware of that interrelationship.

The positive aspects of change

With the previous questions you have already seen what the negative consequences of not changing in the right direction would be. Now I would like you to look at the questions related to pleasure, in order to connect positive ideas with change. For this I would also like you to take the opportunity to talk about them.

• If we change and make decisions, how will that help us feel as a couple?
• How will this affect our day to day?
• What could we achieve as a couple if we change this bad environment?
• What would our day be like today if we applied the changes we want to make?

The key is in look for compelling reasons that support the change you want to make, realize that you are both making mistakes in your behaviors and above all that you are not judges of each other, but your life partner, and life is a constant change and learning. For this reason we have to adapt to the times that are coming and above all give our best on a day-to-day basis.

• You may be interested in: "The 8 keys to emotional communication as a couple"

Relationship problems? Do I help you

If you are interested in improving your relationship and having external help from a specialist in order to have an objective opinion, do not hesitate to contact me. We will be able to start the sessions without leaving home and with a price appropriate to the current times.

My name is Javier AresI am a General Health Psychologist and part of providing my services to patients with anxiety and depression problems, my specialty is also couples therapy. With my help you will be able to solve the complications that arise from living together and return to the stability and happiness that made you together.

If it seems good to you we can start working on you, for this do not hesitate to through this page.