4 signs of lack of affection in boys and girls

Since affectivity and emotions were placed at the center of scientific discussions, a large part of psychology and pedagogy have been interested in studying how affective experience affects the construction of personality, especially during the early stages of development.

Thus, the affective dimension and its relationship with psychological development in childhood have had an important impact on education. That is why we will present several signs of lack of affection in boys and girls, followed by a brief discussion on the opposite extreme: the excess of affection.

• Related article: "What is affection and why does it mark us throughout life?"

The importance of affection in childhood

The affective dimension is currently considered one of the keys to psychological development. In other words, how affection is given and shared has to do with the development of identity and psychological maturation from childhood.

Affection, understood here as affinity, approach, sympathy or affection; It is not something you acquire in isolation. It is a process that

takes place while interacting with others, and given that the first people we interact with are our primary caregivers (whether they are relatives or not), it is also these caregivers who help us consolidate and give meaning to our affective experiences; experiences that, when integrated, generate frames of reference and action.

The immediate environment of the boy or girl is the one presented by the world; and the kind of affection that she receives there is the same that she would expect to receive in the settings outside of this one. In the same way, the affection that the boy or girl receives in her immediate environment is the same that she will learn to have as a resource available to offer in other environments.

Thus, the affection that the boy or girl receives from their primary caregivers, is an important part of what will help her identify and relate in one way or another beyond her first environment.

• You may be interested in: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"

4 signs of lack of affection in boys and girls

While all our relationships are mediated by an affective dimension, talking about lack of affect does not mean that affective responses or emotions have disappeared for complete. Rather, it means that these responses are being produced in an insufficient or not very reciprocal way.

Having said that, lack of affection during childhood can manifest itself in many ways, but it is in the social dimension where it is usually more evident, since, through emotions (among other factors) we present ourselves to the world and relate to it.

Thus, four of the signs that may indicate that a boy or girl is in a situation of affective deficiency are little emotional control, conflictive relationships, personal insecurity, and the selfconcept negative.

1. little control of their emotions

Perhaps this is the clearest sign that there is a lack of affection. If the boy or girl has had the opportunity to develop in a balanced affective environment, it is most likely that she will recognize the different emotions and the social norms that accompany them.

If the opposite has happened, it is likely that the boy or girl has difficulties, for example, in tolerating frustration or to know how it is appropriate to express anger or vulnerability.

In addition, affective deficiencies can have a different impact on boys and girls. Children are generally educated to be more intolerant of displays of affection, with which, They also develop more resources to face a possible lack of affection, at least at the level private. Due to the same gender socialization, it is usually children who have less control over emotions such as anger, in public spaces.

Girls, on the other hand, are generally educated to significantly develop the affective dimension, so that they become empathetic and receptive towards others and towards the needs of others; with which, it can be more difficult for them to assimilate said deficiencies, and they channel the lack of affection towards themselves.

2. Isolation or conflicting relationships with peers

In the midst of affective experiences we establish an approach and a certain type of relationship. For example, we may tend to isolate or be extroverted, comfortable with hugs when greeting, or to feel uncomfortable in spaces with a lot of people, etc., depending on the emotions that we put into play in each context and according to how we have been socialized and socialized.

Related to the above, the lack of affection can cause the boy or girl to develop little empathy, with which, their interpersonal ties, as well as recognition or respect for the emotions of others, can also be Complicate.

3. Tendency to insecurity

A good part of the scientific community agrees that the affective dimension is one of the ways through which girls and boys acquire security and build a self-concept themselves. Thus, the lack of affection can cause an insecure personality.

This insecurity can manifest itself through defensive behavior, or through a withdrawal due to fear of facing new situations that generate emotions over which the child does not feel control or seems strange to them.

For the same reason, a significant lack of affection can lead to excessive subservience to rules and a rigid and anxious personality; or the opposite, constant defiant behaviors and zero respect for the limits of others, since these would be the ways accessible to the boy or girl to compensate for the insecurity felt and thus maintain a sense of certainty that soothe.

4. Negative self-concept and recurring guilt

Related to the previous point, the affective dimension has an important impact on the opinion that we form about ourselves. The lack of affection conveys a message of little or no self-awareness.

That is to say, it can generate value judgments about themselves that are more negative than positive, or that they insist on blaming themselves for everything negative that happens around them.

Lack of affection vs Excessive affection

Unfortunately affective deprivation can have some undesirable consequences for boys and girls, both at the individual level (psychological) and at the level of interpersonal relationships.

However, it is important to look for alternatives based on the consideration that, in many circumstances, caregivers are unable to offer a stable affective structure for reasons that exceed.

For example, the great deficiencies in care practices that have emerged after recent socioeconomic transformations; that have forced the rearrangement of family and productive roles and have transformed the responsibilities of those who have been the traditional caregivers.

Given this, different spaces and compensatory practices are generated. For example, formal education and the role of teachers has lately positioned itself as an important source of affection.

On the other hand, one of the most common compensatory practices is that caregivers try to compensate for affective deficiencies through material rewards, such as toys or electronic devices, in excess.

Of course, the material and recreational dimension is necessary, however, it is important to know that these elements do not have the same symbolic and bodily effect that affection has, with which they do not represent a definitive substitute in the long run. term..

Finally, and in contrast to the lack of affection, many boys and girls are in an excessive affective situation. Given this, it is important to recognize that excessive affection, or overprotection (for example, when absolutely everything is solved for them by fear of being frustrated), has the same psychological effect as lack of affection or abandonment: the message is transmitted to them that they are beings unable to relate to and respond to the world, which creates helplessness and can generate the signals we develop previously.

Bibliographic references:

• Maldonado, C. and Carrillo, S. (2006). Educate with affection: characteristics and determinants of the quality of the child-teacher relationship. Childhood, Adolescence and Family Magazine, 01(001): 33-60.
• Gonzalez, E. (2002). Educate in affectivity. Complutense University of Madrid. Retrieved May 8, 2018. Available in https://guao.org/sites/default/files/biblioteca/Educar%20en%20la%20afectividad.pdf.